No alcohol wedding

[KK05]

So I’ve just discovered that my friends wedding in 3 weeks is alcohol free. I was always expecting to pay for my own drink on the day but it turns out they aren’t having alcohol at all. This was a shock as they both enjoy nights out with alcohol and her hen was messy.

My issue isn’t the fact we can’t have a drink, I would still be going either way it’s that we’ve only just found out.

All in all we have spent almost £300 for a hotel the night before and night of the wedding. Night before was so we didn’t have to try and check in either after the wedding or try to squeeze it in at some point throughout the day. Would never have stayed for even one night if I knew I could drive. Too far for cabs/public transport but would have happily driven there and back. Think country estate. Plus it’s a hour away from home (bride and groom live same town as me). Trying to cancel so fingers crossed I get some money back.

There was nothing mentioned on the invites and nothing was said until last night and even then was just mentioned in passing.

My question is it unusual to mention this on invites? I’ve never been to a wedding with no alcohol so not entirely sure. I also know that a few people going could be doing with the extra money in the bank even if only staying one night or trying to arrange transport to and from the nearest town.

Would it be unreasonable to mention to the happy couple that they need to make people aware before the day? Or AIBU suggesting this?

She’s a very good friend if that helps and it’s not the no alcohol that’s the issue but the extra expense that we didn’t really need to spend. Money isn’t a huge problem for us but I’m still annoyed I’m out of pocket.

She could have chosen not to drink. She chose to drink and planned accordingly. If it wasn't actually a choice to drink she would have made different plans.

The point of this is knowing what choice you are making. Not about whether OP should want to drink or not. But about knowing what the options were to pick from. You wouldn't say "you could have chosen the veggie option anyway" if the choice was beef or nutroast, and then it turned out there was only going to be nutroast. Yes she could, but she chose from what she thought was available.

Me neither. But I think if you have a paid for bar, people will generally only drink in moderation. Having the drinks come out of their own wallets reduces the "need" for a million drinks somewhat.

DH said at one of his cousin's weddings his uncle made the mistake of bankrolling the drinks and people were taking the mick, ordering doubles etc and getting really drunk. At the very least you'd only put some money behind the bar and then let people buy their own I think.

As I said upthread, we had fizz while photos were being taken and then wine with the meal. People had to buy their own after that and it was very civilised.

It's not about dry vs no dry when you read all the updates though. It's about the B&G requiring guests to stay in the hotel financially but many wouldn't stay if there was no booze as they could happily drive.

Posts about not being able to cope without alcohol at a wedding are missing the point.

One of my son il's is Muslim and at their wedding catered for those who drank alcohol and those that didn't. My other son in law doesn't drink either (not muslim) and again both were available. It wouldn't be a problem for me but feels a bit strange not to have both.

Unless it's the groom who has alcohol issues then I think the B&G haven't thought this through properly. Although he was drinking recently, so surely he could curb his drinking on his wedding day if it's him?
It seems a bit shortsighted to restrict all the other guests just for one person's issues. Is that person never going to go to a restaurant or party ever again because there will be alcohol available? Ridiculous.
Like others have said, people will just naturally gravitate towards the hotel bar and the whole wedding party will fall flat. Very shortsighted of them.

I think it's a bit odd tbh that drinking alcohol was so important to you at this event you spent so much on a hotel. I wouldn't expect a wedding to be alcohol free or alcohol included either way and it wouldn't change my plans.

Not sure why people think it's strange to have an alcohol free wedding, there's loads of reasons why! Health reasons, family who are sober, issues with alcohol, don't want the expense, been to so many drunken weddings they don't want theirs to turn out like that. I've been to a few and they've been much more enjoyable than alcohol ones, people can't control themselves and it can be quite unpleasant to be around.

Totally missing the point and haven’t read the whole thread …. the B & G are more than welcome to have an alcohol free wedding but as they are expecting their guests to pay for accommodation to reduce the cost of the wedding guests should have been advised it’s alcohol free.

Many guests would drive and not pay for accommodation if they were aware it’s alcohol free

So that's you, you wouldn't change your plans and no one is asking you too!

But OP has and can afford to stay over and would if she were drinking, but she doesn't want to stay and waste money.

You do realise that drinking in moderation is ok?

What makes you think it's not the bride that had the issue? After all her hen night was messy.

That sounds great! And I think that's because it's not a dry version of an event that typically involves alcohol. It's like how food that just happens to be veggie or vegan is usually nicer than a veganised version of a meal that's come into being as a meatfest. You want something that works on it own terms.

What makes you think it's not the bride that had the issue? After all her hen night was messy.

It's perfectly feasible that it could be the bride. Mind you, I was way too busy socialising with my guests at my wedding to drink much. Again, that would apply to the groom as well. Who knows?!
Whatever the reason, I still think that they could very well end up disappointed when people slope off to the hotel bar.

I hope you will update us...I am quite invested in how this turns out! They definitely haven't thought this through 😅

Yep, especially since there is in fact going to be alcohol available at this one!

It wouldn't bother me at all as l don't drink and would still have a fantastic time .
Obviously there is a problem with alcohol dependency and /or maybe some of the family members can't handle alcohol without it all getting nasty.
Respect bride and groom's wishes, its no big deal.I
I'm really surprised by some of these replies, its like alcohol is right up there with oxygen now. Can no one enjoy themselves these days without having a drink?

Sure. But if drinking was important to OP enough to influence her travel and accommodation plans then it's on her to check with the bride and groom whether there'll be alcohol or not at the wedding, instead of just assuming.

This thread is a stark reminder of how ingrained alcohol is into some cultures isn't it?

And I say that as someone who isn't a non-drinker, I have a couple a couple times per year and haven't got anything against it in moderation. But it's just strange to me to presume alcohol will be present or absent without checking if travel plans hinge on it.

It's a stark reminder of how bad some people are at reading the thread. This isn't even going to be a dry wedding, because the venue has a bar that will be open and serving alcohol.

@MintJuleps1 it's ok, it's been established that the venue has a bar, so all us good and OP happy money had not been wasted.

Alls good

Yet another one completely missing the point 🙄

It's not about being unable to cope without alcohol, it's about the B&G knowing that people are choosing to stay over so that they can have a few drinks (which is a completely reasonable choice to make) and deliberately misleading their guests so they can fill the rooms/get their discount.

Oh don't be daft, what kind of hotel wedding doesn't do alcoholic. At a wedding for people you usually drink alcohol with. Give it a rest.

We won't find out. This will go into the Fail and then the thread will go pop once mn have milked it for clicks.

Exactly. How ridiculous 😂

Oh go away! They were duped by the B&G to facilitate a cheaper price and using it as a cop out to not provide alcohol, because all of a sudden they don't want to drink.

But you’re contradicting yourself here. If, as you say, alcohol is “so ingrained” in certain cultures (let’s be honest - you mean White British), it’s natural to assume it will be served at a celebration, isn’t it? That’s what ingrained means. Why would you phone up to check if something that’s virtually always available is going to be available?

Would you ring a Muslim couple to find out if they were having alcohol at their wedding - or would you assume not, given that it’s “culturally ingrained”?

i pretty much don't drink, and most weddings i have wanted to leave at 9ish as i am just bored. I have chatted to old work colleagues or friends and been doing that since say 12pm. thats a long time!

so we generally leave 9ish if trains still running so can get home. if its partners side, we get hotel so he can stay up drinking and i can go and watch tv from 9ish.

lack of seats also makes me want to leave very early. and rooms with loud discos.

i usually check the hotels website anyway to check price of rooms to ensure there is not a better deal on various travel sites, never booked through a b&G link as assumed that would be more expensive (but not necessarily that the B&G would get a kickback).

Private hire places, i assume the B&G have to pay for any unused rooms and i couldn't get a room anyway going direct.

So i don't think they are necessarily trying to stiff guests over rooms. Just they know if people don't stay, and plan to drive home, loads will leave at 9ish and the party will fall flat. If they had said DRY WEDDINg at the start, a lot of people may have chosen not to attend

(or if they said we aren't paying for drinks but you can buy elsewhere, people would decline as its a lot of added expense for the attendees.