No alcohol wedding

[KK05]

So I’ve just discovered that my friends wedding in 3 weeks is alcohol free. I was always expecting to pay for my own drink on the day but it turns out they aren’t having alcohol at all. This was a shock as they both enjoy nights out with alcohol and her hen was messy.

My issue isn’t the fact we can’t have a drink, I would still be going either way it’s that we’ve only just found out.

All in all we have spent almost £300 for a hotel the night before and night of the wedding. Night before was so we didn’t have to try and check in either after the wedding or try to squeeze it in at some point throughout the day. Would never have stayed for even one night if I knew I could drive. Too far for cabs/public transport but would have happily driven there and back. Think country estate. Plus it’s a hour away from home (bride and groom live same town as me). Trying to cancel so fingers crossed I get some money back.

There was nothing mentioned on the invites and nothing was said until last night and even then was just mentioned in passing.

My question is it unusual to mention this on invites? I’ve never been to a wedding with no alcohol so not entirely sure. I also know that a few people going could be doing with the extra money in the bank even if only staying one night or trying to arrange transport to and from the nearest town.

Would it be unreasonable to mention to the happy couple that they need to make people aware before the day? Or AIBU suggesting this?

She’s a very good friend if that helps and it’s not the no alcohol that’s the issue but the extra expense that we didn’t really need to spend. Money isn’t a huge problem for us but I’m still annoyed I’m out of pocket.

Is there really such a thing as a 'dry district?' Apart from Quaker areas? 😬

One of the best weddings I've ever been to was where the groom was an AA member. Simple registry office wedding following by a hike and a picnic / dip by a beautiful waterfall. However the no alcohol bit was made very clear from the beginning. We all brought our own packed lunches basically and none alcoholic drinks.

This wedding still sounds like a recipe for disaster. I hope for the bride and grooms sake it works out,

You’ve won Mumsnet today, MB. 🥇

A bit like the old saying I have adapted: “Everyone has an [embarrassing drunk in their family]. If you don’t know who it is, it’s definitely you.”

Yeah I don't know of an embarrassing drunk in my family.

AWKWARD! 😆

@KK05 Well, you've done the best you can, by raising it with the Bride. Not much more you can do really. For what it is worth I totally agree that once the meal is over the vast majority of the attendees will move to the main bar and the B&G and the wedding party will still be among the few in the function room

Also for what it is worth, like other posters, I strongly suspect that this is nothing more than a cost saving exercise, to save paying for wine during the meal and the toasts. The excuse given makes no sense if alcohol is still available in the hotel. That normally is included in the cost per head of a meal for a wedding

I also wouldn't be too sure that MOB didn't know - otherwise, why should she phone you to tell you her daughter was upset?

My cousin had a wedding with nearly a hundred guests/randoms in attendance and only paid for the first tiny tiny drink. The cash bar was extortionately priced, and the grooms family were very publicly kicking off!!

It was before I was born, but my dad’s cousin’s wedding is the stuff of family legend. My lovely, but very pious, great aunt henpecked her husband into agreeing to a dry wedding. (This was the 60s - the bride and groom got virtually no say.) She also didn’t tell anyone that was the plan.

The reception was in the house and the garden. My great aunt went up to my grandad and his brother (her BILs) and asked if they’d like a drink. When they said yes, she asked “Tea or coffee?” My grandad didn’t say a word, nodded to his brother, who nodded back, and they got up and went to the pub. Most of the male guests followed.

GA was understandably unhappy… but no one in the family has tried to organise a dry wedding since.

None in mine either. We’re all perfectly civilised.

🍷

Obviously it’s not in Scotland but Bournville in Birmingham is still dry. No pubs or off-licences at all.

Your mate is so deluded!!

They don't want alcohol in the room? Well people will find the bar because people have eyes and they will want to bring their drinks it back. What will they do - have a bouncer saying no drinks in there? Even if the bar staff tell people not to take drinks in, everyone will just drink at the bar instead and the wedding room with be dead.

She's also deluded if she thinks this person they are trying to keep on the straight and narrow won't find the bar. Again, I assume they have eyes. And even if they don't find it themselves they will follow the crowd or spot people with drinks and ask where they got them. Or they'll bring drink themselves.

I predict a wedding with the average amount of drinkers and drunken antics! I think your mate will spend her wedding evening pissed off lol.

Wouldn’t bat an eyelid, personally. I don’t need to have a drink to enjoy myself, especially if no one else is drinking (not a fan of being the only sober one in a room full of drink people though). Just go and enjoy yourself.

Jesus Christ, read the OPs posts... this isn't about the alcohol, it's about the guests shelling out £££s for rooms they might not need.

Oh give over with the sanctimony! Read the OPs posts and maybe have a drink, it may help your comprehension skills!

It's not about the drink, it's about the ££££ for an unnecessary overnight stay!

A lot of weddings back home are dry because there are so many Methodists

I've known hundreds of Methodists over the years. I can only think of 3 that were teetotal. 2 of those would be over 100 if they were still alive.

@Mags57 A bit like the old saying I have adapted: “Everyone has an [embarrassing drunk in their family]. If you don’t know who it is, it’s definitely you.”

That's brilliant and very adaptable as an insult to someone's face. What is the original saying?

Agree.

That sounds very charming. And your friends had the courtesy to tell guests what to expect.

😂 😂

I think the key to being a good host, is letting the guests know what to expect.

There's nothing wrong with inviting people to a traditional or a very unusual wedding, as long as people know what they are being invited to . Same with where it is / what to wear / eating times / if expected to do particular activities / finish time, or expected time of anything during the day - it is the choice of the hosts, but it is normal good hosting to let the guests know.

There's a small town at the top of North Yorkshire where you can't open pubs or anything serving alcohol too. I think they've managed to get a licence to sell alcohol in the corner shop now but that's it.

I’m guessing that as it’s a public forum, I’m allowed an opinion 🤔
I just don’t see it as a big deal 🤷‍♀️

I’ve been to a few alcohol free weddings because of religious beliefs but the couple Anne always told people in advance. You don’t want to embarrass your guests by having them make a perfectly normal assumption and ask the staff for a glass of champagne etc.

I do love the competitive teetotalers thet these threads being out though. Not only are all their friends having an amazing time
without alcohol but also everyone has one drink then leaves but also everyone is very dull when drinking but also everyone is very debauched and dangerous when drinking.

This wedding will probably hit the Daily Mail before its even begun.

And not all the guests know it's dry, so the bride will know who it is. Probably deserves it for the discount thing.

Would never have stayed for even one night if I knew I could drive.

You could drive even if it wasn't alcohol free - you could have chosen not to drink. You say the lack of alcohol isn't a problem in itself, so presumably you're not addicted to it or anything like that. I agree it seems a bit unusual not to tell anyone, especially if the bride and groom do drink sometimes, but not so much because of situations like yours, more for the benefit of anyone who really couldn't face it without alcohol and might want to bring some along for before/afterwards.

I did go to an alcohol free wedding once. The bride was an old friend from uni and had been a non-drinker as long as I knew her. She was a member of a small old-fashioned denomination, and I'm not sure if they were all strictly forbidden to drink, but nobody in her family did. I think (although it was a long time ago) we only found out it was alcohol free when we got to the reception, but we didn't really mind. One of us would have been driving anyway and neither of is is passionate about alcohol. Apparently there was brandy in the cake, so some people jokingly made a big deal about wanting to get their hands on the cake, but all in a very good-natured way.

You could drive even if it wasn't alcohol free - you could have chosen not to drink.

She could have, but she didn’t. What’s your point?