No alcohol wedding

[KK05]

So I’ve just discovered that my friends wedding in 3 weeks is alcohol free. I was always expecting to pay for my own drink on the day but it turns out they aren’t having alcohol at all. This was a shock as they both enjoy nights out with alcohol and her hen was messy.

My issue isn’t the fact we can’t have a drink, I would still be going either way it’s that we’ve only just found out.

All in all we have spent almost £300 for a hotel the night before and night of the wedding. Night before was so we didn’t have to try and check in either after the wedding or try to squeeze it in at some point throughout the day. Would never have stayed for even one night if I knew I could drive. Too far for cabs/public transport but would have happily driven there and back. Think country estate. Plus it’s a hour away from home (bride and groom live same town as me). Trying to cancel so fingers crossed I get some money back.

There was nothing mentioned on the invites and nothing was said until last night and even then was just mentioned in passing.

My question is it unusual to mention this on invites? I’ve never been to a wedding with no alcohol so not entirely sure. I also know that a few people going could be doing with the extra money in the bank even if only staying one night or trying to arrange transport to and from the nearest town.

Would it be unreasonable to mention to the happy couple that they need to make people aware before the day? Or AIBU suggesting this?

She’s a very good friend if that helps and it’s not the no alcohol that’s the issue but the extra expense that we didn’t really need to spend. Money isn’t a huge problem for us but I’m still annoyed I’m out of pocket.

I agree @InAPickle12345, I would feel very resentful at being manipulated and guilted into keeping the reservation.

It's particularly easy NOT to drink as the B&G, you're busy with various things which need to be done, having photographs taken, chatting to everyone of doing a line up.

Plus people understand you probably don't want to go to hard too soon on the booze, especially if you're making a speech.

Absolutely no reason to make a wedding dry do they don't have to drink

In your opinion. I'd much rather an afternoon tea. People find different things fun.

For those who enjoy drinking, sure - My dad was a raging alcoholic and my DH's mum was a raging alcoholic.
Everyone has preferences at the end of the day :')

We should have bets on if it is a real person who it is or if not, that its just an excuse to do it on the cheap.

If its a real person likely contenders are:

Bride
Groom
Best Man
Father or Mother of Groom

Or BIG PLOT TWIST - maybe it is the MoB and that is why it was news to her.

This wedding is going to end up a complete farce.

I think it sounds like a sneaky way to avoid giving guests free booze. No wedding venue will be 'dry' just because the B&G demand it.

They have shown their true colours by not telling people as they know rooms have been booked based on people having a drink, and if those rooms where to be cancelled as people could drive, then their cost goes up.

I think in these difficult times it's really poor form to have people needlessly she'll out for a hotel room.

There's only two outcomes here:

1. Guests will locate to the hotel bar , totally bemused by the situation

1. Guests will be angry at needlessly booking a hotel room..and also go to the hotel bar.

Ha! Good one!

The poor B&G. Myself and my DP definitely need an alcohol free wedding IF we invite guests. It’s really hard to even find somewhere where this is possible as there’s usually a bar.

We’d never disclose the reason we would need this but it’s due to certain family members, both sides, drinking far too much and causing massive problems. The MOB is possibly one of the culprits if she didn’t know?

Our one answer to this so far is an afternoon tea style set up with tea and coffee. What food is on the menu?

@Tbry24 There are countless exclusive hire wedding venues/ converted barns and so on where it's perfectly possible to have completely dry weddings. Had we wanted it, even the venue DH and I used would have done that. (And many are well practiced at catering to the need for religious reasons).

As pp mentioned, there may be a top up fee to the venue hire cost to offset lost bar earnings, but that will all be transparent up front, in the same way a minimum bar spend would be done.

For us one of the benefits of our venue was that they essentially made their profit from the venue hire fee, so they didn't then charge hotel level silly bar prices.

I think having an alcohol free wedding is fine, but if it is an evening thing people will expect drinks and usually plan for this (booking accommodation, getting babysitters etc), so the issue here is that they haven't been upfront about it.

I attended a wedding party once at the B&G's local garden centre cafe. They said it was inexpensive and accommodating. We found it quite festive, charming and superior to the average wedding dinner in a function hall.

Guests dressed up, the food was afternoon tea with a few heartier warm appetizers, lots of lemonade and fizz. No bar on premises so it would be easy enough to have an alcohol free event. It was all over by 6pm and people were happy to be on their way, including the B&G, who were off to their honeymoon flight that evening.

Weddings need not be elaborate or everlasting to be fun and charming and memorable.

There's no 'poor B&G' in this situation, they should have been upfront with their guest so they could plan accordingly.

Going against a couple of PPs, I would have put it on the invite so that people could choose to go home, plan babysitting accordingly etc.

What they've done is just shitty, people won't be happy, their reception room will be completely empty after dinner save for the older relatives and the start of their marriage will be a sour point for many, many people.

No 'poor B&G', nothing wrong with a dry wedding, but they should have been upfront.

That sounds great, just the sort of thing I would like. 🙂

Thank you we only have max of 20 guests (LC or NC with most family) and the barn venues near us are 8k for the whole weekend. One is on a farm we buy produce from each week so love it there and would be my perfect venue but we can’t afford it.

We’ve found a few hotels that would accommodate smaller numbers and afternoon tea etc but they all have bars.

Finally thought we’d found something as it’s a holistic centre with pretty gardens BUT they are listed as a wedding venue but don’t actually have a license. So back to the drawing board again.

just depends what is in your area.

Maybe just go yourself to the registry office and then have the party with the guests? An officiant of some sort could lead you in a sort of vow renewal if the ceremony part is important.

That's hard, I can see why the maths wouldn't add up, but I'd naively hope it might be easier for smaller numbers. Could you private hire a favourite restaurant for lunch or would the prospect of somewhere which can serve booze, even if it's not offered, still not work.

There are loads of places to hire that don’t have bars, they’re not that hard to find.

One of the best weddings I’ve been to was afternoon tea - delicious savoury canapés as well obvious things like sandwiches, scones, patisseries, cakes.

I wouldnt go if alcohol free, just very discriminatory

I imagine a lot of guests deciding that any wedding gift (say cash in envelope) gets used to pay for their drinks!

You'd definitely be thinking they are being cheap to make guests buy all their own drinks and not provide anything with the meal.

Alcohol isn’t a protected right 😂😂😂😂

its a stupid idea to have a no-alcohol wedding, let people choose !

No poor b&g about it - the alcohol free element is a red herring. There is no "sober wagon" relative.

The problem is they are being sneaky as fuck, quietly manipulating and hoodwinking guests into subsidising a venue/day they can't afford.

Their wedding is going to be shit. 80% will decamp to the bar under a cloud of bad feeling and - let's face it - have a ball anyway, b&g and the wedding will quickly be forgotten all about.

B&g will be left in the overpriced, empty reception room with the wedding party members obliged to stay, with zero atmosphere.

Wedding guests will likely leave next morning without a goodbye (I would) and their married life will start off on an incredibly sour note

Serves them bloody right.

The thought of that made me laugh 😆

It reminds me of Withnail & I in the teashop

In 1844?

May as well have been!