No alcohol wedding

[KK05]

So I’ve just discovered that my friends wedding in 3 weeks is alcohol free. I was always expecting to pay for my own drink on the day but it turns out they aren’t having alcohol at all. This was a shock as they both enjoy nights out with alcohol and her hen was messy.

My issue isn’t the fact we can’t have a drink, I would still be going either way it’s that we’ve only just found out.

All in all we have spent almost £300 for a hotel the night before and night of the wedding. Night before was so we didn’t have to try and check in either after the wedding or try to squeeze it in at some point throughout the day. Would never have stayed for even one night if I knew I could drive. Too far for cabs/public transport but would have happily driven there and back. Think country estate. Plus it’s a hour away from home (bride and groom live same town as me). Trying to cancel so fingers crossed I get some money back.

There was nothing mentioned on the invites and nothing was said until last night and even then was just mentioned in passing.

My question is it unusual to mention this on invites? I’ve never been to a wedding with no alcohol so not entirely sure. I also know that a few people going could be doing with the extra money in the bank even if only staying one night or trying to arrange transport to and from the nearest town.

Would it be unreasonable to mention to the happy couple that they need to make people aware before the day? Or AIBU suggesting this?

She’s a very good friend if that helps and it’s not the no alcohol that’s the issue but the extra expense that we didn’t really need to spend. Money isn’t a huge problem for us but I’m still annoyed I’m out of pocket.

I'm curious to know what this couple is planning on seeing at the wedding? I don't mind a dry wedding but you need to have more than water. I'm not convinced with their explanation and feel like it is more of a money issue (doesn't explain the staying at the bar bit though). So are they really splurging on non-alcoholic sparkling, non-alcoholic wines/beers, mocktails, lemonades etc.?

I was thinking this. Surely the venue are frustrated on the money they are losing?

Chaos theory here but maybe they couldn't afford to put x bottles on each table plus toasts etc and decided to make it dry with a mystery relative needing the straight and narrow.

@Mirabai that sounds really nice. At one wedding I was at the guests at my table were taking bets as to how long the speeches were going to go on for!

Ceremony, lovely tea then home sounds good.

I am old enough to remember when marrying couples were hot to get away on their own, and left the reception in early/mid evening, well before most of the guests. They didn't stay till the bitter end trying to wring every drop out of the reception because they'd spent so much.

Guests and, if they'd stop to think about it, the Bs & Gs would be so much happier with shorter days. Ceremony, nice tea/appetizers/fizz for a couple of hours, with maybe a tasteful jazz quartet or good piano player or similar, would be so much nicer than the horrid cookie-cutter dragged-out days that stretch late into the evening.

Making the issue about a relative needing to be dry (as opposed to saving money) makes it more awkward for the venue to argue with them too. I am imagining the bride with an extravagant 'compo' face on as she explains this.

Who knows if she and the groom are this manipulative/desperate.

I just feel like this would have come up long before now if it were real and that everyone closely involved in planning would have been well-briefed.

(Unless the B&G are hugely stupid. But then why has the venue gone along with it?!)

I don't think it can be a money thing. They must know that this whole thing - no drink in the reception bar or ceremony but you can drink if you must in a separate bar - is a nonsense, and it does seem like a desperate attempt to stop somebody from sabotaging the day through inebriation.

I mean if money was the issue, you could just top people's glasses for the toast with the cheapest fizzy wine the venue has and let people get their own wine or drinks for the table.

but the OP found out about it at a new year's eve party when both were drinking.

@KK05 are you absolutely sure they were both drinking? Now back to wondering if if it is one of the bride or groom @OVienna

I gave up alcohol for a few months and went to a lot of parties. Its actually very easy to pretend you are drinking - a plain tonic water with ice and lime passes for a gin and tonic, elderflower cordial in a wine glass looks like white wine or champagne in a champagne glass.

Generally what people notice is someone clutching a straight sided glass of orange juice or coke or water. If they clock the right kind of glass they don't look much more closely than that.

Unless you physically pass someone alcohol that you know is alcohol and watch them drink it there and then you can't be sure. A spilt drink in the plant pot and a fresh glass is the work of moments.

Good point.

@NewYearNewPyjamas the cost of the reception (cheap fizzy Prosecco or cava) as well as the wine for dinner (2 glasses and a top up) were always included in the per head price for the wedding in most places I've worked, which is numerous venues. If someone didn't want the alcohol, there was no discount.

The couple I mentioned earlier who sprung a dry wedding on us had to pay £3.5k AND still didn't get a discount on the per head price for not having wine served with the meal, so I wouldn't automatically assume this is a price thing with the B&G.

If this is really an attempt to try and keep one person on the straight and narrow, this is a terrible way to go about it. They should have just approached this person and discussed their fears, or just not invited them. The whole thing is a mess, completely of their own making.

I think seeing as you have already factored in the cost of the room, and the fact you had decided to stay 2 nights means that you were happy to stay, and indeed wanted to stay. At least the first night - your reason for staying the first night had nothing to do with having a few drinks, it was more for convenience for the day of the wedding.

Now that you, technically, should be saving money on not buying so much alcohol the cost of the room should still not be an issue for you. Can you not just go and enjoy your friends day, as you would have done anyway. Stay the 2 nights for a 2 night break, as you had planned anyway.

Or planned a very different event!

One thing @InAPickle12345 - we don't know if this venue is still recovering from lower business due to COVID (when was this booked as well??) so agreed some sort of discount at the time to get people through the door. You would know better but the B&G could well have booked this from the outset and are only mentioning it now.

Oh wow, that's really interesting and although totally logical to not give the discount (why would they?) not what I expected at all!

I am sorry, I really didn't mean to offend in anyway. I also wasn't implying you had a problem. Just pointing out that lots of people use alcohol to help them cope with social situations. Anything in moderation is fine for whatever reason you want to do it.

It's the general consensus of "Gosh how dull" when faced with the prospect of an alcohol free event that makes other people think there's an over reliance of people as a whole.

She has already decided to stay, see update.

I would absolutely have cancelled the rooms though and used the money on a weekend away that I actually planned and wanted for myself. She had only booked the room because she assumed she wouldn't be driving.

A lot of weddings back home are dry because there are so many Methodists

Plot twist: bride is early days pregnant and is going to extreme lengths to hide it.

You can be sure that those who've booked rooms, only to discover they could have saved money on said room by driving, will have LOTS to say about that!

I don't doubt it, Jumpingthruhoops, but it's whether they'd risk saying it to the B&G actually at wedding I was less sure of

A couple this selfish would almost certainly throw a strop, and just imagine it: bride in tears, groom furious, parents telling everyone they're wrecking their darlings' day and god knows what besides

"The one person" they are trying to keep on the straight and narrow could be the bride or groom. You've already said the hen night was messy and that the bride and groom "enjoy" drinks. Maybe one of them have crossed that line and the drinking has gone beyond enjoyable? Maybe their friends and family don't know the specifics of what happens in their relationship.

I think their wedding is going to end up out in the bar with very few people actually staying in the reception room. I feel sorry for the bride and groom. I'd say the issue with drink is a lot closer than some relative, especially if MOB didn't even know who it is.

Absolutely, that could be a possibility that they've been extended a discount. But if this venue is in anyway popular with couples, I sincerely doubt it.

Every venue I know was absolutely swamped with enquiries for weddings, between the build up of bookings that couldn't go ahead over Covid, as well as the enquiries coming in from couples who couldn't even think about it during Covid, any venue worth its salt that I know is absolutely packed to capacity and trying to juggle dates.

When I left my last venue in 2022, I had 122 weddings on the books for the year... people were booking Thursdays etc because they couldn't get any other dates.

This is a tricky one. B&G should have been upfront from the start that they would have no alcohol and they get a discount on rooms booked.

I maintain cancel first night in hotel (full refund) and go ahead with second. They seem like close friends.

Preparing to be flamed but here goes.......
Generally I only attend weddings of people I like and if it was dry, what's the big deal?
I can buy alcohol but I'm going for my friend / family member.
Why are you making the wedding about yourself? Get a grip, don't attend if this has 'opened your eyes' and you've gone off your friend. I question the level of friendship btw.

There seems to be a real need to have alcohol. You can have fun without it. Many cultures don't have alcohol at weddings they still appear to have a good time.
In the past I've bought / taken my own if it was unavailable and I fancied a drink.

So the small COVID wedding trend didn't last?! I can remember lots of people hoping it might at the time.

You literally haven't read any of the OPs posts properly have you?

The issue is not the lack of alcohol, she has already said she would happily attend without any alcohol.

The issue is people have spent £300 on rooms they thought they would need because they would be having wine etc that night and wouldn't be able to drive. These guests that don't know there will be no alcohol will arrive at the venue, realise they could have driven home, realise their room bookings secured a preferential rate for the B&G and they will be pissed... and not even in a fun, alcohol pissed way!

@OVienna no, the trend for smaller weddings didn't catch on I'm afraid, I was quite fond of them too tbh, but numbers have gone back to exactly what they were pre-pandemic

I did read it properly. Seems a bit drip.. drip.. drip