No alcohol wedding

[KK05]

So I’ve just discovered that my friends wedding in 3 weeks is alcohol free. I was always expecting to pay for my own drink on the day but it turns out they aren’t having alcohol at all. This was a shock as they both enjoy nights out with alcohol and her hen was messy.

My issue isn’t the fact we can’t have a drink, I would still be going either way it’s that we’ve only just found out.

All in all we have spent almost £300 for a hotel the night before and night of the wedding. Night before was so we didn’t have to try and check in either after the wedding or try to squeeze it in at some point throughout the day. Would never have stayed for even one night if I knew I could drive. Too far for cabs/public transport but would have happily driven there and back. Think country estate. Plus it’s a hour away from home (bride and groom live same town as me). Trying to cancel so fingers crossed I get some money back.

There was nothing mentioned on the invites and nothing was said until last night and even then was just mentioned in passing.

My question is it unusual to mention this on invites? I’ve never been to a wedding with no alcohol so not entirely sure. I also know that a few people going could be doing with the extra money in the bank even if only staying one night or trying to arrange transport to and from the nearest town.

Would it be unreasonable to mention to the happy couple that they need to make people aware before the day? Or AIBU suggesting this?

She’s a very good friend if that helps and it’s not the no alcohol that’s the issue but the extra expense that we didn’t really need to spend. Money isn’t a huge problem for us but I’m still annoyed I’m out of pocket.

The bride is not upset with you, the conversation has highlighted the holes in their master plan op.

You have been an exceedingly good friend by being honest - instead of keeping quiet and allow her special day to crash and burn.

Her mother is embarrassed by the sounds of it, and distancing herself.

What a shit show.

It does have a bearing on costs if the hosts aren't providing any wine for the meal or drinks for a toast. There may also be a minimum spend at the bar in the reception area that they'd have to top up. For example, the hotel would have to staff that etc specially for the event, so this is one cost they'd be looking to recover from the B&G fees. A hotel bar will be staffed anyway for other guests or members of the public as well as the wedding guests, so wouldn't be subject to those rules.

I guess if you're looking at over 100 guests (probably) it could be a substantial savings.

Edited for clarity!

Btw this is not about the alcoholic- I everyone you can’t stop someone drinking if they want to. It’s a money saving exercise.

I always thought that the point of a toast was the intention behind it and the wishes given. You can toast with a coffee cup as long as you're intending to toast. People can be weird about glassware though I suppose.

Yes, perhaps I am “weird”. But I would not want my union to be toasted with a motley collection of mugs, tumblers and empty glasses!

I hate it when people dictate to others how they should behave, people should be able to make their own choices if like you say there are no reasons for it to be a dry wedding like recovery etc, bet they’re fun at parties

I was at a wedding of a friend whose family were in the Salvation Army

There was no alcohol at the reception (which my partner struggled with as he was in sore need of some Dutch courage before giving the best man speech)

At the ceilidh afterwards we thought it was staying alcohol free. Something the band also thought was the case, so they disappeared for half an hour part way through to have a drink in a nearby pub. However, drinks were made available after that.

I'd double check before cancelling to confirm there definitely won't be any alcohol available for the whole event.

I don’t even drink alcohol and this whole plan sounds completely pots for rags to me. Good luck to her but it’s going to badly backfire.

Our wedding the toast was prosecco in flutes. We still drank then. But I quite like the idea of a motley collection of different things. Quite a nice representation of our loved ones. A couple of them are flutes. Most of them are tumblers or coffee cups though.

Yeah, it's a dry wedding that isn't actually dry! It'll be the worst of all worlds.

I went to an alcohol free wedding years ago, it wasn’t due to the bride and groom being non drinkers but due to the venue not being licensed. For the bride and groom it wasn’t an issue as the venue was more important (religious venue). We were told it would be alcohol free though.

Ideally they should have told you but I don’t think you can really complain to them about it. Maybe you could have a drink when you get back to the hotel?

YANBU at all.
The B&G are behaving really badly, expecting others to subsidise their venue, and not mentioning to anyone that their wedding is going to be very different from what people will be expecting.

I have been to a wedding where there was no alcohol. But everyone knew / would expect that as the couple were teetotal and certainly the Bride's family were (don't know his family). When you went out with any of them, you knew they didn't drink, so it wouldn't be a surprise that they didn't have alcohol at their wedding.
The point here is that the B&G do drink - incl on the hen do, and incl currently. There is nothing to suggest that this wouldn't be a 'typical' wedding. So people have made arrangement assuming there would be some alcohol served which they wouldn't make if they weren't being offered any.

My wedding venue didn’t.

I organised weddings in a former life and honestly, this is all so strange.

The fact that she hasn't told the guests the set up is pretty shitty, there will be really bad feeling on the day when people realise they could have driven home and not spent a fortune on hotel rooms. She obviously knows this but needs to bookings to keep her pp cost down which is just shitty on her part.

I'm shocked the venue agreed to close the reception bar... I had this once with a couple and they paid £3.5k to recoup our losses on potential bar spend or we were going to cancel the booking. Had I known this when they booked, I would have refused the booking or only taken it Monday to Wednesday.

The wedding will 100% end up in the bar, she has made a terrible mistake and will no doubt be left in an empty reception room.

Your friend needs to be transparent about (getting people to stay for a discount) - or risk having LOTS of unhappy guests at her wedding

They may be unhappy but there's not much they can do about it
Very, very few would say "Oi, what's this all about then??" at a wedding, and even if they did I guarantee the answer would be "Well nobody else minds" with massive offence taken all round

And sorry, but I wouldn't necessarily believe the bride's mum knew nothing about this - if she's taking that much of a back seat why would she insert herself to the extent of "You've upset my darling daughter"?

As PPss have said, a completely shabby mess all round

@KK05 hope you can cancel the room. I’d be miffed at b&g expecting guests to fund (in part) their wedding by booking rooms to get them a discount, and not even offering a drink on arrival at reception. Poor show. Would think more of them having a less flashy venue and being nicer to their guests. As if the alkie relative isn’t going to just drink from the cash bar anyway??

So have i got this right? They get a discount on their wedding if they book X number of rooms. People book rooms to stay over because they'll have a drink. Alcohol will not be allowed but they don't tell people in case they have to pay the full cost of the wedding?
I'd say this is the ultimate CF!
Uninvite the guest with the alcohol problem or at least be honest with guests so they can make their own choice rather than them funding some of the cost of the wedding when they could have driven home!

This wouldn't be my kind of wedding and I certain don't have an alcohol problem. I do expect a drink at a party and I wouldn't pay for a hotel room if I could drive home.

Her whole wedding party may end up at the bar without her.

I'd go, stay for less time, cancel the room and drive home after, because I'd love mh friend but this isn't my kind of party.

She's staying in the wedding venue.

I think the bit about not saying to guests because they will cancel rooms and you lose your discount is the cheeky bit. She's hoping others spend money they wouldn't need to so she can save money. That's off.

The whole thing will backfire anyway when lots of people just end up at the bar and the atmosphere at her wedding is pants. Badly thought out. I'd cancel my room if I were you.

It is 100% going to be a disaster zone.

Friends and relatives will be bitter that there is no alcohol being served or allowed in the room. SOME people definitely expect to drink heavily at a wedding and will be pissed off to have this curtailed.

I've worked enough wedding functions in a hotel. Bride is risking around 60% of people decamping to the hotel bar would be my best guest.

People sneak their own alcohol into weddings at the best of times. Usually in the form of a bottle of spirits under the table in a gift bag for plausible deniability to hotel staff (they're fooling nobody but we let most of the discrete ones slide). A wedding where you can access alcohol in another room but not in the reception room is positively asking for people to sneak drinks into the room. A wedding which in encouraging people to sneak drinks is the worst possible type of environment for somebody that are trying to keep sober.

What a mess.

Her whole wedding party may end up at the bar without her.

I suspect they will, yes.

I'd go, stay for less time, cancel the room and drive home after, because I'd love mh friend but this isn't my kind of party.

Same. I'd go. I'd wanted to know beforehand though so I could just drive there and drive home. I'd be cross that she had tried to keep that part a secret, so that guests subsidised the cost of the wedding. I'd be quite angry about that, tbh. If she was just clear upfront about the no alcohol, then I'd go and totally respect their choices.

I have to say some might well say something!

I wouldn’t count on everyone being polite.

My cousin had a wedding with nearly a hundred guests/randoms in attendance and only paid for the first tiny tiny drink. The cash bar was extortionately priced, and the grooms family were very publicly kicking off!! Many grannies had five/ six hour round trips and were very disgruntled to find a thimble of warm, cheap sparkling wine as a toast was all that was ‘laid on’ the groom himself was very embarrassed on the day and apologised. They pretty much spent the whole day moaning about everything after that! It didn’t help when they ran out of food before everyone had eaten.

There was distinctly frosty feeling, no one danced apart from the kids high on sugar and everyone left early. My dh said that the venue was using up old bottles of wine from the previous party - I think he was right. It tasted off. The bride stomped around with a face on her, and ordered her sisters to get everyone up and dancing, which didn’t work. Many sat outside enjoying the warm weather and weren’t seen again. It was a very stilted affair.

That day to me at least was a lesson to not cut corners. Ever. People will always notice it. She is divorced now, so maybe it was the right decision!

Doesn’t mean that a close family member hasn’t got alcohol issues though. Maybe it was designed to make it easier for them to attend.

Aye right