No alcohol wedding

[KK05]

So I’ve just discovered that my friends wedding in 3 weeks is alcohol free. I was always expecting to pay for my own drink on the day but it turns out they aren’t having alcohol at all. This was a shock as they both enjoy nights out with alcohol and her hen was messy.

My issue isn’t the fact we can’t have a drink, I would still be going either way it’s that we’ve only just found out.

All in all we have spent almost £300 for a hotel the night before and night of the wedding. Night before was so we didn’t have to try and check in either after the wedding or try to squeeze it in at some point throughout the day. Would never have stayed for even one night if I knew I could drive. Too far for cabs/public transport but would have happily driven there and back. Think country estate. Plus it’s a hour away from home (bride and groom live same town as me). Trying to cancel so fingers crossed I get some money back.

There was nothing mentioned on the invites and nothing was said until last night and even then was just mentioned in passing.

My question is it unusual to mention this on invites? I’ve never been to a wedding with no alcohol so not entirely sure. I also know that a few people going could be doing with the extra money in the bank even if only staying one night or trying to arrange transport to and from the nearest town.

Would it be unreasonable to mention to the happy couple that they need to make people aware before the day? Or AIBU suggesting this?

She’s a very good friend if that helps and it’s not the no alcohol that’s the issue but the extra expense that we didn’t really need to spend. Money isn’t a huge problem for us but I’m still annoyed I’m out of pocket.

The venue they have chosen may now have an alcohol licence.

Assume makes an ass out of you ... and you

Op clearly says both b&g enjoy alcohol on nights out.

Quite sexist too, to assume it's him and not her even if you can't read a few lines properly.

And this person being kept on the straight and narrow won't know about the bar ..... or convince someone else who's had a drink to get them an 'alcohol free drink' ....

I don’t actually believe the family member story - although not disputing they may be an alcoholic. Nobody deprives their entire wedding of alcohol - of wine with the meal at the very least - for the sake of one person who could still go the bar if they want to.

So I think this is about money - they need guests to pay for rooms for the discount package, and they probably just couldn’t afford hotel alcohol prices. If finances are so tight that she’s worried about guests cancelling over the alcohol issue because she’d have to pay - I really don’t think she sounds like she could afford booze.

Right. It’s hooey.

Agree with the majority here that the b&g are being unreasonable. They are effectively securing a discount at the hotel through deception, and denying people freedom of choice in what will no doubt prove to be a doomed attempt to prevent one person from drinking alcohol.

OP, if it's likely that you will spend a fair proportion of the day / evening in the bar chatting with other guests and not in the wedding room (whether you are drinking or not drinking and then driving home afterwards), then it's a question of whether you are looking forward to catching up with those other guests. If you were really only going for the b&g, then I would be tempted to cancel the hotel and drive home immediately after the ceremony.

Yes, this.

It's selfish of the bride to hoodwink people into booking rooms so she receives a discount. Really scurvy.

They should have just had a simple wedding with tea and cake for an hour afterwards in the village hall or something, if they're trying to keep a relative from drinking.

They are definitely being ridiculous and deluded and not telling people because of the potential cost of rooms being cancelled is terrible. At the very least they need to accept that their weird decision will probably cost them some money, but face the fact that losing money is better than losing friendships.

However I would perhaps cut her some slack as this person with the problem must have a REALLY big issue if the whole event is being changed to try to control his or her behaviour. Sounds like there is some serious stuff going on in that family. And I imagine that their whole day is going to end up stressful and tainted anyway as this person clearly is going to drink regardless.

Do you know who it is? If you do know, it will be interesting to observe their behaviour. If you don’t know, it will be interesting trying to guess!
You’ve said your piece now though. Apart from the couple you were sharing the lift with, it’s probably better you don’t spread the word, even though I can see why you’d want to.

I would be cancelling the room, purely on the grounds of it being a total waste of money!!

Most people will go to the bar, or go to the bar and return with a drink...Are they asking the bar staff to inform guests that they should stay in the bar?

Jesus what will they serve with dinner? Here's your beef and OJ??

Why would you ruin your own wedding for the sake of one guest? if h/she wants to drink, it will be in their bag, or they will just go to the bar.

Alternatively I might choose to see it as invitation to bring my own, in my handbag.

I'd be mighty pissed off at being dictated to whilst spending hundred attending a wedding.

I can't believe the bride and groom have made such a stupid decision. Their guests are going to be really fucking irritated and their wedding is going to tank. Everyone will be in the bar. Daft, daft, daft.

Some of you would not have liked my wedding, there was no alcohol because it was in my church, who are against alcohol. But the people who attended knew that in advance, none of whom were big drinkers anyway. 🤷🏻‍♀️

She did say the hotel required her to have rooms booked for discount and she's worried people will cancel and they will have to pay the difference this is why she feels she can't say anything

Yes, I expected this They'd do well to realise that guests aren't there to save them money and cut their cloth accordingly, but I doubt that even pointing this out would make any difference now wedding fever's descended

I agree that they're also being very foolish if they don't twig that the guest they hope to keep off the sauce will head for the bar like an exocet missile. Unless it's a very close relative they'd probably do better to disinvite them, but it's their wedding and their decision to make

She did say the hotel required her to have rooms booked for discount and she's worried people will cancel and they will have to pay the difference this is why she feels she can't say anything.

Had a feeling it would be something like that OP. I get why they want a dry wedding, but this is not a sensible way to go about it.

In that situation, you need to be clear with people from the beginning and either accept you're paying the difference or choose a venue you can afford without guests staying for a certain number of nights. Well actually people should do that anyway, but especially here.

They are being very naive to think that people who were expecting the usual bar-fare will just suck up a no alcohol wedding. The bar will soon be 'discovered' and they will lose half their guests to it. Almost certainly including the person they are trying to keep on the straight and narrow.

Atmosphere will be awful as bride will be upset by half empty room and guests will be upset that they have had to abscond.

People will think they are being short-changed by not even getting a glass of bubbly to toast with and there will be lots of bad feeling around having booked taxis and hotel rooms.

I actually think you should speak to Mother-of-the-Bride again as she seems the most receptive and tell her that whilst you realise it isn't your place, to dictate, they are setting themselves up for a bit of a disaster.

Surely you can appreciate your situation and the one we're discussing on this thread are completely and utterly different? Everyone who went to your wedding knew from the beginning there would be no drinking. The op and other guests for this wedding have been totally misled.

Op, if I were you, I would tell the bride what a massive, massive mistake she's making. I wouldn't mince words. She is literally going to ruin her own wedding.

I didn't drink at my wedding as I was preggers. Still provided alcohol for the guests, though. It's pretty basic hosting.

That is quite rude. There us no angst about drinking. Op paid for a room on the understanding that she would not be able to drive. Soshe does not want to pay for a room now that is not the case.

I would double check - will they provide alcohol for the toast? Is it available to buy at the venue ? Or are they having the reception somewhere unusual , such as a field, and there is no liquor lisence? I don’t have a problem with the B&G not spending on booze, but it will be a disappointment to many people, like yourself to have booked rooms if there is no chance of a drink. I think it’s deffo worth checking and spreading the word…

@MadWifeInTheAttic Me too, never occurred to me to punish the entire party. (and I love a drink)

But the whole thing of doing it to keep 1 person away from alcohol is silly

It really is. Why on earth would you inconvenience all the other guests for the sake of one person? You tell them to behave or not come.

It’s all explained. Click “see All” on the OP.

@KK05 you have done what you can.

You have pointed out that people will probably congregate around the bar - you can't do anything else.

The B&G are being a bit CFery - wanting people to stay so they get a discount but not condoning drinking at their wedding, even though people will still have access to the bar on the premises. In a way, it would be better if the bar was shut for the evening.

Personally I would cancel the hotel. Enjoy the wedding. Support the B&G by not drinking and staying in the function room.

Oh dear. I fear the bride and groom may regret this. I think all of your feelings are justified OP and you are handling it really well.

I think this is about money - they need guests to pay for rooms for the discount package, and they probably just couldn’t afford hotel alcohol prices. If finances are so tight that she’s worried about guests cancelling over the alcohol issue because she’d have to pay - I really don’t think she sounds like she could afford booze

Very possibly, yes - in which case the obvious thing to have done would be choose a cheaper venue

But no; some imagine it's GOT to be this particular place they've "fallen in love with" and immediately start planning how they can get others to pay for it, encouraged no doubt by greedy management who assure them "everyone does this"

If you can't afford booze then only put two bottles on each table and have the bar open. It won't be that much more than soft drinks.

The venue will loose a lot more money having a dry bar. Every wedding I go to is ££ bar prices.