No alcohol wedding

[KK05]

So I’ve just discovered that my friends wedding in 3 weeks is alcohol free. I was always expecting to pay for my own drink on the day but it turns out they aren’t having alcohol at all. This was a shock as they both enjoy nights out with alcohol and her hen was messy.

My issue isn’t the fact we can’t have a drink, I would still be going either way it’s that we’ve only just found out.

All in all we have spent almost £300 for a hotel the night before and night of the wedding. Night before was so we didn’t have to try and check in either after the wedding or try to squeeze it in at some point throughout the day. Would never have stayed for even one night if I knew I could drive. Too far for cabs/public transport but would have happily driven there and back. Think country estate. Plus it’s a hour away from home (bride and groom live same town as me). Trying to cancel so fingers crossed I get some money back.

There was nothing mentioned on the invites and nothing was said until last night and even then was just mentioned in passing.

My question is it unusual to mention this on invites? I’ve never been to a wedding with no alcohol so not entirely sure. I also know that a few people going could be doing with the extra money in the bank even if only staying one night or trying to arrange transport to and from the nearest town.

Would it be unreasonable to mention to the happy couple that they need to make people aware before the day? Or AIBU suggesting this?

She’s a very good friend if that helps and it’s not the no alcohol that’s the issue but the extra expense that we didn’t really need to spend. Money isn’t a huge problem for us but I’m still annoyed I’m out of pocket.

Of course alcohol can make certain events more fun, otherwise people wouldn't drink at all. The thread seems to have been taken over by anti-drinking trolls.

OP after your last post, I think you're right that they should have found a way to let people know. Otherwise they run the risk of a. people finding the bar and drinking anyway, and b. people being annoyed that they booked accommodation when it's not needed.

I would be tempted to cancel the hotel, depends on how strong your friendship with the bride and groom is and whether you can cancel the room and car share without causing any fuss. If you're planning to stay late anyway then the bride and groom might not know or care whether you stay over?

I don't feel this is the full story - it's all very muddled.

I hope the person needing to be kept on the “straight and narrow” has been forewarned of the plan. Surely they will be mortified to turn up and find out a significant portion of the guests are grumpy because of them (obviously not their fault but still).

Also if there is a bar in another room the reception WILL be half empty. I’ve been to so many weddings that aren’t dry but the setup of the venue means the bar is separate. People always congregate there.

Just want to make it clear to people.

Me and my DH don't have any issues with alcohol or having to drink to have a good time. We like the odd wine with dinner and have some nights out at the pub. Lots of times one of us end up driving to avoid expenses like taxis, hotel stays etc.

Again being in Scotland a simple dinner out means we either have to have a designated driver or we have to rely on taxis if we even want just one glass of wine each.

@KK05

They are 'hoping' to keep a family member on the straight and narrow. They aren't providing alcohol and the bar at the reception won't be offering any either. (Didn't even realise this was possible).

SO - because ONE family member has an issue with alcohol, no-one else is allowed to have it in the actual wedding?

WOW. Just WOW.

Anyway the hotel bar will be open as normal and she has said guests are more than welcome to use this but they really don't want alcohol in the room. Plus they aren't going to make this clear to many, but I think word will get out or people will realise they can use the main bar instead or a bar person will tell people to go to the main bar. Or people arriving early and sitting in the bar while waiting for the ceremony will realise it's there.

As a pp said, good luck with getting people to stay in the area where the wedding is. As has been said, everyone who wants an alcoholic drink - which will be the vast majority of the guests - is going to be queueing up at the bar for a beer or a glass of wine or a brandy or vodka or cocktail. And they will very likely just stay in that bar area, instead of the dry and dull 'wedding room.'

AND they will be toasting the bride and groom with a glass of water. Gosh this sounds like a fucking tedious event. I think I would cancel now @KK05 Go and paint your shed and sit there and wait for the paint to dry. It will be far more exciting.

@tinayoufatlard

I hope the person needing to be kept on the “straight and narrow” has been forewarned of the plan. Surely they will be mortified to turn up and find out a significant portion of the guests are grumpy because of them (obviously not their fault but still).

Yep, imagine being THAT person! I would not want to be in their shoes!

.

Oh dear. From your update, I can see potential problems for the bride and groom.

The individual they want to keep off the booze will surely learn there is a hotel bar. Seems like a lot of effort the the couple to go to, for this then to likely be spoilt the minute they realise.

Also the reality is, as the day and night goes on, people who do want to drink will spend longer and longer away from the main wedding room.

As a guest, I'd feel torn between wanting to stay in the wedding room, as thats the whole reason I'm there, but I'd also be put out that I could have driven and not drank (which wouldnt bother me if I know before hand) and saved money on the hotel room if they had been honest about the situation.

This

I hope you've Kim the wedding oP

Haha good luck to her. The main bar always ends up rammed with the wedding members. Even then the hotel has a smaller wedding bar because the big bar stocks more she’s going to lose most of her guests for most of the night. Even those not drinking because the chatter will end up happening at the main bar and as such more and more people will move over there. Same with all the smokers at the Table outside the wedding will split up.

Sounds like even the mum will leave to the bar 😂 also I’d cancel the room for the cheekiness of keeping it dry a secret so the guests staying help sub her wedding when they highly likely wouldn’t stay at a dry wedding.

I think the moral high ground is well and truly surrendered by OP’s latest update. Deliberately withholding information about the wedding to ensure that guests stay over and in doing so subsidise the cost of the event is reprehensible.

Just want to make it clear to people.

Me and my DH don't have any issues with alcohol or having to drink to have a good time.

Yeah just ignore the posters saying that. They're trying to make something out of nothing.

Woops this should have said I hope you enjoy the wedding!

Honestly she is going to end up with an empty room and a full bar. She's mental not to be telling people!

One guest is going to ask a member of staff and within 5 minutes the bar will be overrun.
And yes everyone will end up crowded in there all night.

I also drink very little, but in a room full of strangers it helps. Also I would very much like a drink with my meal, it’s a treat. If the bar sells bottles of wine they’ll be in the room in a few minutes.

The main room is going to be empty! Or at least at reduced capacity. Even venues that serve alcohol in the main room can have that issue if the main bar has more staff on/ serve quicker - it was an issue at a wedding my sister went to recently, half the wedding crowd ended up in a nice bar area because service was so slow in the function room

But the whole thing of doing it to keep 1 person away from alcohol is silly. That person will either go to the bar or already have their supply in their room. If an alcoholic wants to drink, well then that is what they will do.

I would just keep the hotel room and have a few drinks.

I am what would be described as NT. But I'm also quite introverted and don't like crowds or noise. Often have to remove myself from busy loud places.

I don't drink. I can have fun at a party or an event with people close to me or that I care about. I can talk to people, I can dance around, sing etc. It might take me a couple of days of "downtime" in quiet, non crowded places to recover. But I can do it. And I do, for the people I love and who are celebrating things important to them.

I don't think your use of alcohol to make social events easier on you is necessarily an autism problem. Because LOTS of NT people do the same thing.

An alcohol free wedding wouldn’t worry me but I would want to know in advance and I’d be pretty pissed off if I’d paid out for a hotel room when I could have driven there and back and slept in my own bed.

I think they’re being completely unreasonable not to give people all the information upfront. Guests need to make an informed decision re the hotel and they can’t when they’ve not been told the full story.

You have to let the other couple know. Otherwise they're going to be annoyed that they've forked out for a room. Just call them and explain the situation. Ask if they want to drive back or drink at the hotel bar and stay. The bride and groom do realise that 70% of guests are going to be hanging out in the hotel bar instead.

So say: driving excess alcohol or drunk in charge of a child or whatever

They're not telling people because the thinking around it is so muddled everyone will start to pick holes in it all. It's not a 'dry' wedding if guests can easily go to a hotel bar. It's that the B&G aren't paying for booze and making it inconvenient for the guests to buy their own.

“I don't drink. I can have fun at a party or an event with people close to me or that I care about. I can talk to people, I can dance around, sing etc. It might take me a couple of days of "downtime" in quiet, non crowded places to recover. But I can do it. And I do, for the people I love and who are celebrating things important to them.”

Bully for you. I can’t have fun doing those things when I’m in overwhelm mode. My brain doesn’t allow it. Happy for you that you can.

“I don't think your use of alcohol to make social events easier on you is necessarily an autism problem. Because LOTS of NT people do the same thing.”

i find this a very strange thing to say. Why would you presume to know the effect of large scale social events on my autistic brain.

Bride and groom are being so unreasonable. I don't drink much, usually 3 glasses of wine at an event that is so long. My issue would be that it forces you to drink coke and sprite all day which I hate. I drink wine and G&Ts because I like the taste. A wedding is a loooong day and I'd be very disappointed if someone dictated to me that i have to drink soda all day.

I've been to plenty of dinners where I don't drink at all and I'm the designated driver. But they were dinners only so 2 hours long. It would get soo borring so quickly at a wedding.

Also consider that while "it's not your day Op it's the bride and groom" you many people may also also typically shell out -

Hen do £50 (and I've massively underestimated here)

Gift £100

New outfit £50

Then cost of drinks all day (soft drinks often are disproportionately expensive for just crap fizzy carbonated stuff)

Even a lovely wedding that you enjoy is an expense. It's not unreasonable to hope at least one drink to enjoy with your meal is provided with r for guests to maybe want to buy one or two more.

It's also quite miserable to take away peoples choice when they are spending cash to celebrate your big day

Following your update, op, I’d keep the hotel room and join everyone else in the bar where the fun will be. Otherwise you’ll be sitting sober in the wedding room with a couple of elderly relatives and an empty dance floor.