No alcohol wedding

[KK05]

So I’ve just discovered that my friends wedding in 3 weeks is alcohol free. I was always expecting to pay for my own drink on the day but it turns out they aren’t having alcohol at all. This was a shock as they both enjoy nights out with alcohol and her hen was messy.

My issue isn’t the fact we can’t have a drink, I would still be going either way it’s that we’ve only just found out.

All in all we have spent almost £300 for a hotel the night before and night of the wedding. Night before was so we didn’t have to try and check in either after the wedding or try to squeeze it in at some point throughout the day. Would never have stayed for even one night if I knew I could drive. Too far for cabs/public transport but would have happily driven there and back. Think country estate. Plus it’s a hour away from home (bride and groom live same town as me). Trying to cancel so fingers crossed I get some money back.

There was nothing mentioned on the invites and nothing was said until last night and even then was just mentioned in passing.

My question is it unusual to mention this on invites? I’ve never been to a wedding with no alcohol so not entirely sure. I also know that a few people going could be doing with the extra money in the bank even if only staying one night or trying to arrange transport to and from the nearest town.

Would it be unreasonable to mention to the happy couple that they need to make people aware before the day? Or AIBU suggesting this?

She’s a very good friend if that helps and it’s not the no alcohol that’s the issue but the extra expense that we didn’t really need to spend. Money isn’t a huge problem for us but I’m still annoyed I’m out of pocket.

You can definitely have more than a thimble of wine. And possibly a god couple of pints without dui

I know you didn't say heroin isn't addictive. You said alcohol is more addictive than heroin. I asked you for evidence. You didn't provide any.

The article I provided a link to claims that heroin is more addictive than alcohol. It doesn't say that alcohol isn't dangerous or addictive. It just provides evidence indicating that of the two addictive drugs, heroin is the more addictive one.

Alcohol doesn't have to be more addictive than heroin to also be dangerous.

To link this back to the topic of the thread, are you suggesting alcohol should be banned from all weddings?

So spoke to the bride this morning, had coffee with her and her mum. They are definitely trying to keep it dry.

They are 'hoping' to keep a family member on the straight and narrow. They aren't providing alcohol and the bar at the reception won't be offering any either. (Didn't even realise this was possible).

Anyway the hotel bar will be open as normal and she has said guests are more than welcome to use this but they really don't want alcohol in the room. Plus they aren't going to make this clear to many, but I think word will get out or people will realise they can use the main bar instead or a bar person will tell people to go to the main bar. Or people arriving early and sitting in the bar while waiting for the ceremony will realise it's there.

I did mention letting people know and also that she may end up with an empty room and guests in the bar. I also mentioned there may be aggro or bad feeling on the day.

I think they're being delusional to be honest as the person with the issue will figure it out but it's their decision.

She did say the hotel required her to have rooms booked for discount and she's worried people will cancel and they will have to pay the difference this is why she feels she can't say anything. I have explained my thoughts and that others may feel the same. Her mum agreed with me but has said it's up to B&G.

I'll be honest the chat has made me see her in a different light. Maybe it's wedding stress etc but I think she's just being selfish as there is no thought to the guests.

I think they either need to tell people they are having a dry wedding or at least warn people there will be no alcohol served at the wedding bought or otherwise.

I still haven't decided what I'm doing about my room. Part of me would feel guilty about cancelling and putting more on them but another part of me thinks if I can't drink (don't want to be rude and leave the wedding for numerous extended periods) then I should just come home.

I have also just realised we have agreed to car share with another couple, DH reminded me. I now have to explain to them if we don't stay, I could just lie but they will find out the truth.

I was questioning the post saying that alcohol is more addictive than heroin. I can't find any scientific evidence to support that being the case. If you can then feel free to post it.

She did say the hotel required her to have rooms booked for discount and she's worried people will cancel and they will have to pay the difference this is why she feels she can't say anything.

Bingo. Well done to the PPs who called it.

She obviously knows nothing about addiction, there are some rules called the three Cs: you didn’t cause it you can’t control it, you can’t cure it

DUI is an American offence

Is it a place that has lost its alcohol license or they are new and awaiting their license and the B&G got it cheap? It could be an explanation.

A lot of hotels rely on the rooms being rented out to the guests. If people start cancelling them, then the B&G may be liable for the loss.

I'm sick of B&G's that make their guests suffer. I'm not necessarily talking about booze, but all the; location in the middle of nowhere, no kids, overseas weddings, dress up in black tie. When I got married I made a lot of concessions for the people around me, and it didn't cause me any discomfort on my wedding day. In fact, their comfort and their enjoyment, gave me joy.

I'd 100% cancel the unnecessary expensive booking if I wasn't drinking. The bride and groom are just being selfish.

Easily translatable to a UK offence.

They are 'hoping' to keep a family member on the straight and narrow.

Well that won’t work if there’s a main bar serving alcohol. Guaranteed the person in question will find it, making the whole thing fairly pointless…

It isn't. Whoever posted that is getting mixed up with nicotine (which the NHS says is AS addictive as heroin, not more).

It's the problem with alcohol or drugs., It enhances your mood making you more chatty and fun. You depend on a substance to make it easier to relate to strangers instead of enjoying meeting new people as your own self.

The British are well known for causing problems on their holidays overseas because alcohol related issues but, for the first time, and if this thread is a yardstick to the way average British people relates to alcohol, it's been a hell of an eye opener.

It stands for driving under the influence. Which you can be done for in the UK too.

LOTS of dry areas in Scotland! PMSL!😆 Nice one @Piggywaspushed

@FreshWinterMorning

People are entitled to want a drink at a wedding without being accused of not being able to have fun without alcohol.

@DoorLockedAgain

People are literally saying it won’t be fun without alcohol! They are saying it will be BORING.

Including you. You are saying you wouldn’t even go to a wedding without alcohol.

It blows my mind that social alcohol dependence is so entrenched in the UK that people cannot see the issue.

Gosh. Doesn't take much to 'blow your mind' does it? Maybe you should get out more.

I stand by what I say. A few drinks at a party DOES make it more fun, and I wouldn't go to a wedding that was alcohol free. How ridiculous dictating to people that they are not allowed to have alcohol.

Purely anecdotal, but I know 3 people who are teetotal, and they are the most boring people I know when they're at parties/weddings (or at the pub or a meal out.) Just sitting there holding their diet coke, or mineral water, drumming their fingers on the table because they're 'bored,' and not joining in with the fun. They always leave early too.

This is going to spectacularly back fire on them. They're effectively asking everyone else to modify their behaviour because of one person when the reality is that this one person should be responsible for their own behaviour. I can just imagine now when guests find out and as you say it will likely result in a mass exodus to the bar that does serve alcohol.

Anyway the hotel bar will be open as normal and she has said guests are more than welcome to use this but they really don't want alcohol in the room.

OP, she may very well just have a pretty empty room while guests are queuing at the bar then off nursing their drinks while chatting. They’re hardly going to go and do a quick shot and return to the room where the reception is. If she can’t see this, she may be disappointed. But her wedding, her decision. I imagine it’ll be a change in plans and people will be allowed in with their drinks and she’ll probably just wish she went for wine on the tables in the end.

Your update makes it clear why they’re keeping quiet now if it’s about a discount due to rooms being used. I agree this is selfish. I can’t see it going down well with many of her guests but that’s her business I suppose. I’d have kept out if it, no matter how close we were.

She’s being very naive if she thinks the problematic drinker won’t find the bar.

She’ll also have irritated many of her guests who will also make a beeline for it and stay there, particularly if they can’t bring drinks back to the reception room.

Not telling guests who have spent money on rooms to stay and therefore get her a discount is selfish.

I went to a wedding where there were similar shenanigans. Many of the guests weren’t impressed.

It’s so much more complex than the ‘if you can’t enjoy a party without alcohol then you have a problem’ statement.

I’m autistic and sensitive to noise. Parties are really overwhelming in terms of my brain’s capacity to process all that info to the point that I can’t hear what people are saying even when they are talking directly to me, and I start flinching every time someone laughs loudly or drops a fork. My brain can’t cope with that amount of processing and so I can’t enjoy the conversation and can’t really join in (usually also have to remove myself to hide in the quiet toilets for up to half an hour at regular intervals after a while).

if I have a couple of glasses of wine the noise and overwhelm in my head slows right down and I can engage, chat, enjoy myself.

Given that I very rarely go to parties, I don’t think this means I have a problem with alcohol. The ‘problem’ I have is autism but there’s not much I can do about that - have tried other measures, earplugs etc, it’s literally the relaxing effect that alcohol has on my brain that allows me to enjoy a large social event.

I do spend lots of time with friends (the majority of time) without booze too, but not in the en-mass, large scale overwhelming environment of a party. I much prefer a coffee, walk or cosy dinner.

I’m sure there will be people with other conditions- ADHD, social anxiety, introverts etc. who might use alcohol for social events in the same way. If the big social events (and therefore the booze) are few and far between, and you don’t get carried away or go overboard, then is this really a problem?

it would be lovely to be a non-autistic, socially confident extrovert who can cope with noise, and who shines brightly in such situations just from connecting/chatting at scale, but that’s not how my brain is shaped.

Of course it isn't, it just really irritates me when people claim random and hard to believe facts without providing any evidence. And then expect people to take it seriously.

They are probably just trolling and I'm being silly by getting wound up and responding to it. 🤣

I stand by what I say. A few drinks at a party DOES make it more fun, and I wouldn't go to a wedding that was alcohol free. How ridiculous dictating to people that they are not allowed to have alcohol.

So you care more about being able to have an alcoholic drink than help people you care about celebrate an important event in their lives? Are people really that dependent on alcohol?

This would really annoy me too.

lol bride and groom are just gonna be in an empty room while all the guests go off to the main bar! Haha, how silly of them.

Yikes! That has all makings of a disaster from pissed off guests to the problematic family member finding the bar anyway. I’d definitely cancel the hotel and I’d tell car sharing couple exactly why so they can do the same. The issue isn’t the no booze, it’s the not telling people and dishonesty of trying to trick people into booking rooms they won’t need because they're on the hook for a certain number. Talk about selfish.

I call BS about the relative or else they are just very naive. If the hotel bar is serving drinks, guests and this potential relative, will seek it out. What are they going to do, chain the relative to their chair? I think it's a cost thing, all around.