No alcohol wedding

[KK05]

So I’ve just discovered that my friends wedding in 3 weeks is alcohol free. I was always expecting to pay for my own drink on the day but it turns out they aren’t having alcohol at all. This was a shock as they both enjoy nights out with alcohol and her hen was messy.

My issue isn’t the fact we can’t have a drink, I would still be going either way it’s that we’ve only just found out.

All in all we have spent almost £300 for a hotel the night before and night of the wedding. Night before was so we didn’t have to try and check in either after the wedding or try to squeeze it in at some point throughout the day. Would never have stayed for even one night if I knew I could drive. Too far for cabs/public transport but would have happily driven there and back. Think country estate. Plus it’s a hour away from home (bride and groom live same town as me). Trying to cancel so fingers crossed I get some money back.

There was nothing mentioned on the invites and nothing was said until last night and even then was just mentioned in passing.

My question is it unusual to mention this on invites? I’ve never been to a wedding with no alcohol so not entirely sure. I also know that a few people going could be doing with the extra money in the bank even if only staying one night or trying to arrange transport to and from the nearest town.

Would it be unreasonable to mention to the happy couple that they need to make people aware before the day? Or AIBU suggesting this?

She’s a very good friend if that helps and it’s not the no alcohol that’s the issue but the extra expense that we didn’t really need to spend. Money isn’t a huge problem for us but I’m still annoyed I’m out of pocket.

I am happy to be called a raging alcoholic or boring as I “rely on alcohol to have fun” but I also wouldn’t exactly be thrilled to be going to a booze-free wedding of a couple of boozers if I’m being totally honest. I think the hotel point is also totally valid, especially in a cost of living crisis.

We recently went to a dry wedding of a couple who drink but avoided alcohol for cost reasons. It was not announced and a surprise to most guests. It just wasn’t the same and a little flat despite me being the first on the dancefloor usually, alcohol or not. It wasn’t helped by long waits - obviously without a glass of something. A glass or two of fizz at a wedding loosens many up (myself included, I realised!) and in an environment where you’re often socialising and dining with strangers, I personally think this is quite welcome. I also appreciate nice wine with dinner - and love Champagne or Prosecco! Unfortunately, some elderly guests who also love their wine with dinner asked the mother of the groom where the wine was 🙈, prompting guests to go out to buy boxes (yes, boxes - clutches pearls 😉) of box wine and plastic wine glasses. My husband said some had drunk before the ceremony too. I thought this was pretty disrespectful of the couple’s wishes and I’d have been a bit gutted if it was my wedding. So I think they should have mentioned it somehow to avoid what happened.

To be honest, if I am bored I will go back to my hotel room and go to bed, so whether I am staying or driving won't affect how late I stay!

@Mags57

why disrespectful? If the bride and groom avoided alcohol for cost reasons then why would they have been bothered about guests buying their own?!

This article, which is based on a 2007 study published in The Lancet, suggests heroin is more addictive than alcohol: https://americanaddictioncenters.org/adult-addiction-treatment-programs/most-addictive

If you have more up-to-date or robust evidence to suggest the contrary I'd be interested to read it.

Also, I'm aware that alcohol causes many social problems, including addiction. I don't really think that's relevant here though. The wedding is hardly going to make or break any alcohol problems and the only issue OP has with making the wedding alcohol-free is that it affects her transport plans.

Their wedding, their choice. Why would you assume it was to be a "boozy do"?

I also think that if mocktails are creative enough, you don't miss alcohol. It's the having a nicer than usual drink in your hand that you miss. A glass of diet coke in no way replaces a glass of champagne in my view!

But we were away for Christmas and there was a great selection of mocktails. I get hungover very easily so drink very little - having mocktails was great for me (and my mum who doesn't drink at all).

@1mabon

cos lots of weddings are

and op said the hen do was

Have read the OPs messages. Bizarre situation all around, given the B&G drinking habits. I also feel like if there were some big back story the OP is close enough to her (having gone to the hen), she'd know what it was and it would have come up before.

But - I can't work out from the OPs messages if she actually is staying at the venue or not and if so, if the B&G actively encouraged her to book and it could be part of some discount they're getting.

Hope @KK05 will update!

Denial is the first stage

Sheesh ‘two water’. Outrageous. And I bet people spent a fair wack on outfits, transport and wedding gifts too. I’d be seriously hacked off. Not even a nice mocktail or alcohol free beer?

I’ve got 3 kids under 7 + very very limited access to childcare options.

Me + husband might make it out together for 1 night a year.

I’d be happy to spend that one night at a friends wedding, but I’d be gutted and feel completely hoodwinked to find that it was booze free if I’d spent on hotels, childcare and the stress of childcare logistics (would have gone just one of us and driven if booze free).

Wedding guests have their own busy/stressful lives. There is a basic common understanding of what a wedding is. If you’re going against that you need to let people know.

Yeah, I wouldn’t be happy with that selection of drinks either. No problem with it being dry, but they should have offered a wider range of soft drinks.

You obviously don’t know any lives that have been devastated by alcohol. I’m not saying heroin isn’t addictive. I don’t need to see any articles.

I only found out about the cost cutting after the wedding when the couple explained why they went alcohol free - in a conversation about how annoyed they were with the mother of the groom who decided someone should go out and buy drink.

Several guests in a smallish wedding left dinner to go and bulk buy wine and plastic glasses in the nearest town. It disrupted the dinner, noticeably so. I think this is disrespectful personally. I was shocked it was alcohol free but certainly didn’t say anything until my husband and I went back to our room and said we were surprised. I think for the couple it suggested their wedding was a bit crap without drink and fundamentally went against their wishes.

For us who can moderate our drinking it’s all well and good. Some can’t. I think an alcohol free wedding would be one big bore

If you are trying to convince us that heroine is worse than alcohol, you are scrapping down the barrel.

Alcohol is hard drug, legal or not. It creates dependency in everyday life and, specially, in social settings. Take a look at this thread and how many people can't understand attending a wedding or a party without alcohol. This is what dependency is about. You can justify it in any way you want to, but if you can't enjoy a party and have fun without a drink, you have a problem.

@Dguu6u

lol I can’t believe you think that wanting to have alcohol at a wedding makes you an alcohol
so funny!

I also think that if mocktails are creative enough, you don't miss alcohol.

I disagree now after having been to an alcohol free wedding. I think a little bit of drink in a wedding is mood enhancing and makes conversation with strangers that little bit more easier and fun. I say that as someone who has no problem maintaining conversation with strangers at a wedding, regardless of drink. I do think it has a very different tone though without any alcohol. There was little laughter in the alcohol free wedding (of two drinkers) we attended.

At a dear friend's wedding, years ago in the US, the family paid for a glass of wine with each savory course, so two glasses. The bar near the restaurant was closed. The idea was they could then serve much nicer wine with the meal. I get the logic of it but I don't see why the bar couldn't have been kept open for people to buy their own for the disco.

Of course it's unreasonable, can't enjoy yourself without alcohol !!.
Maybe they don't want people falling around drunk on their special day, who wants to look back at pictures of people half cut on their wedding day.
No alcohol no drama.
They're totally right it's there wedding their choice.
I'm sure the hotel will give some refund!

Did you actually read what I wrote and the post I quoted?

I wouldn't be happy with that. Definitely should have giving more notice

Sounds very odd and dull, so wrong of them to spring this on you at the last minute.

I am very open to the idea of a mocktail but I have never found one that wasn’t terribly sweet. I don’t drink sweet alcoholic drinks so would never have a sweet cocktail, and would always choose something like a martini or an old-fashioned. There’s no way to make a traditional cocktail like that alcohol-free so that means sticking to tonic and soda water!

If you are genuinely concerned about people with alcohol problems, your GIFs are really nasty.