No alcohol wedding

[KK05]

So I’ve just discovered that my friends wedding in 3 weeks is alcohol free. I was always expecting to pay for my own drink on the day but it turns out they aren’t having alcohol at all. This was a shock as they both enjoy nights out with alcohol and her hen was messy.

My issue isn’t the fact we can’t have a drink, I would still be going either way it’s that we’ve only just found out.

All in all we have spent almost £300 for a hotel the night before and night of the wedding. Night before was so we didn’t have to try and check in either after the wedding or try to squeeze it in at some point throughout the day. Would never have stayed for even one night if I knew I could drive. Too far for cabs/public transport but would have happily driven there and back. Think country estate. Plus it’s a hour away from home (bride and groom live same town as me). Trying to cancel so fingers crossed I get some money back.

There was nothing mentioned on the invites and nothing was said until last night and even then was just mentioned in passing.

My question is it unusual to mention this on invites? I’ve never been to a wedding with no alcohol so not entirely sure. I also know that a few people going could be doing with the extra money in the bank even if only staying one night or trying to arrange transport to and from the nearest town.

Would it be unreasonable to mention to the happy couple that they need to make people aware before the day? Or AIBU suggesting this?

She’s a very good friend if that helps and it’s not the no alcohol that’s the issue but the extra expense that we didn’t really need to spend. Money isn’t a huge problem for us but I’m still annoyed I’m out of pocket.

What a bizarre thread! I don’t really drink but I’d like to be allowed one glass of wine at a wedding. It seems awfully controlling to tell people what they can and can’t drink!!

Ermm, yes. Grew up in a dry district.

Are they having a Methodist wedding? I went to one years ago. The odd think was that the bride’s side didn’t drink - dad was actually a minister - and the groom’s did. This didn’t work as the groom’s side didn’t favour moderation 🤭

I mean, I haven’t counted, but I think there are more posts from people criticising the OP for something she didn’t write or agreeing with her actual point about accommodation than there are people saying they wouldn’t/couldn’t go at all if there was no drink. I don’t think they are the majority at all - and precisely none are ‘fainting with shock’.

I have literally never ever heard of dry districts? Why are they dry???

My thought too. It's quite normal not to provide alcohol or only a small amount and have a paid bar (we did that, had fizz and a bit of wine with the meal but after that people had to buy their own) but not to ban it altogether.

I am getting visions of a dry Scottish hunger games set up - where we savage each other for a whisky !!!

👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

*It takes 2 drinks to get me on the floor.

If the B&G don't want to drink, don't. But Jesus, talk about boring wedding of the year. *

In a nutshell this is the problem we have with alcohol in the UK.

I would 100% start telling other guests on the quiet if you can

Technically not your place, no - it is the B&G's; but honestly I would be a bit pissed off if I found out that you knew, didn't tell me, and I spent money I didn't need to!

Anyway I have not answered the OP.

I think that if you deviate from a social norm, you need to tell the guests. Most people come to weddings in the UK expecting alcohol. If you are not going to supply this then I do feel you have an obligation to tell people as they will be expecting some alcohol on the day.

but I don’t think it is the OP’s job to do this.

I wonder if they've kept quiet deliberately so that people book hotels etc as they were worried everyone would leave early to drive home otherwise?

They definitely should have made it clear on the invite.

Oh do give over and unclench a little!! They are having a few drinks not shooting crack cocaine 🙄

This is precisely my thoughts too, and also avoiding cancellations of rooms no longer required, therefore not meeting the minimum requirements of the hotel.

She probably hasn't told anyone because she knows people won't stay until the end if they've got the drive home, or people will pull out if they find weddings a bit dull in general.

Alcohol is good at taking the edge off shit like that. But yes she needs to tell people if she's serious.

The temperance movement and the control of the working classes. Whilst they technically vanished many towns didn't have pub buildings and hotels were temperance hotels . The wee frees do still exist. Kate Forbes is one. Think I got her name right. When I was a teenager , I had to get the bus up to Anniesland to find a drinks joint, or go to the West End. I didn't fancy joining the alkies in Partick.

My friend, not in Scotland, rents his house from the next door Methodist Church and his contract says no alcohol on the premises.

Where?! Born and live in Scotland have been to many many places length and breadth and Highlands and Islands and NEVER heard of full 'dry' regions!

Do you have any evidence to back up the claim that alcohol is more addictive than heroin?

So have googled and while there historically was a Temperance movement in Scotland this ended in most areas in early 1900s, last truly 'dry' area was Kilmacolm in Inverclyde which didn't have a pub till 1998!
Every day's a school day!

Honestly, from all your defensive posts on this thread you are coming across as someone who might want to examine their own relationship with alcohol.

I am genuinely thrilled to learn such a thing about Scotland! My dd lives in Edinburgh, definitely not a dry region and we have travelled there numerous times. I have loads of Scottish friends and dh is half Scottish from Dundee, it is so nice to learn something so new and unexpected.

@TooOldForThisNonsense

cos lots of people like to have a few drinks at a wedding. Obviously.

Oh for heavens sake, the issue isn’t that it’s a dry wedding. It’s that they didn’t let people know. The OP has spent £300 on a hotel room so she could safely have a few drinks instead of driving home. As it’s a dry wedding she doesn’t need the room now. She has said it’s a good friend and she’s going anyway, but she’s rightly annoyed because she wasn’t informed as it would have influenced her decision and staying over. Lots of people don’t drink at weddings, but for lots of other people, a celebration will often include some wine or champagne or a couple of cocktails.

We were told that my nephew's wedding last summer was going to be "dry" which made sense to us as his entire family don't drink for religious reasons. On arrival the only refreshments offered were tea, coffee and tap water. However, the reception was in a hotel and when I went hunting for clean drinking glasses I found the bar which was only to happy to serve me. We hadn't been made aware of this beforehand. Might this be something similar ? FTR there was no band/disco either and the whole thing was over by 5pm. We were glad not to have paid for a hotel despite the 3 hour drive back !

Even at a wedding with alcohol it is your choice to drink or not. If money is tight for people no one held a gun to their heads and forced them to drink and therefore stay over in the hotel. Their guests could have always chosen to drive and not drink.