No alcohol wedding

[KK05]

So I’ve just discovered that my friends wedding in 3 weeks is alcohol free. I was always expecting to pay for my own drink on the day but it turns out they aren’t having alcohol at all. This was a shock as they both enjoy nights out with alcohol and her hen was messy.

My issue isn’t the fact we can’t have a drink, I would still be going either way it’s that we’ve only just found out.

All in all we have spent almost £300 for a hotel the night before and night of the wedding. Night before was so we didn’t have to try and check in either after the wedding or try to squeeze it in at some point throughout the day. Would never have stayed for even one night if I knew I could drive. Too far for cabs/public transport but would have happily driven there and back. Think country estate. Plus it’s a hour away from home (bride and groom live same town as me). Trying to cancel so fingers crossed I get some money back.

There was nothing mentioned on the invites and nothing was said until last night and even then was just mentioned in passing.

My question is it unusual to mention this on invites? I’ve never been to a wedding with no alcohol so not entirely sure. I also know that a few people going could be doing with the extra money in the bank even if only staying one night or trying to arrange transport to and from the nearest town.

Would it be unreasonable to mention to the happy couple that they need to make people aware before the day? Or AIBU suggesting this?

She’s a very good friend if that helps and it’s not the no alcohol that’s the issue but the extra expense that we didn’t really need to spend. Money isn’t a huge problem for us but I’m still annoyed I’m out of pocket.

Op said yes the wedding is dry but doesn’t know the reason.

Well no. She hasn't said she needs alcohol to have a good time. She said she booked a room expecting she'd have had a drink or two so wouldn't be able to drive. Now she doesn't need the room. I don't understand how you think your comment is relevant.

Quite. So many people in this country have social ‘skills’ that rely on alcohol. Weddings happen all over the world without alcohol and people have a ball.

But what did the bride say when you asked her why, @KK05? You have missed out a really key part of the tale?

No, it isn't rude. How on earth are you 'going behind their backs' asking a venue a question.

If the wedding has no alcohol and guests do not know that in advance, then some will likely slope off.

I’ve had great fun at some no alcohol weddings. At two, everybody was on the dance floor. It really depends on the personality of guests/ how good the DJ or band is.

Regarding the actual issue, I don’t think OP is being unreasonable. That being said as somebody who barely drinks I would never have connected the dots between room bookings and alcohol. Before MN I didn’t realise that most people would be expected to be told about a dry wedding.

You understand she might have wanted/anticipated a welcome drink, a glass with her dinner and some fizz for toasts, yes? None of those can be replaced by your own drinks in your room. Honestly, people who think that's a sensible option must but understand responsible drinking as part of a civilised event.
Now she won't have these things she doesn't need the room, so is going to cancel it. She doesn't need the alcohol, she assumed because of the nature of the event and her knowledge of the B and G, and now will enjoy the event without any but won't need to stay over.
I'm totally confused as to how so many people are failing to understand this in their rush to judge.

I am often the driver, and go out socially all of the time. The buses and taxis are more unusual than a flying unicorn here as we live rurally, so I am used to driving. I have a great time usually.

That said weddings are not the same as spending an evening with close buddies. Weddings are a hardy mixture socially, often with people you don’t know at all, I think enjoying a drink with them is a congenial experience and one that makes it much more enjoyable for all concerned. Ofc most people don’t ‘need’ it, but many would prefer that’s the difference.

The best parties I have been to have definitely NOT been dry either!!!

I think cancelling the hotel of its a dry wedding is very reasonable. £300 is a lot when you could easily drive home if sober.
I would never assume a dry wedding.

We are in Scotland too and frequently do a mix of staying in hotels for weddings, nights out, theatre trips etc or driving.
We have one in March and it’s an hour away on a Thursday. DH is only off that day so we are driving as £420 is a lot for 2 nights to arrive after work, attend wedding then have to head to work at 7.30am.

Maybe when the invitations went out they hadn't decided the wedding would be alcohol free which was why it wasn't mentioned. Maybe the hen do being a bit messy has something to do with it.

Is that your view on say a Muslim wedding full of non-drinkers? They can’t possibly be ‘fun’?

But the venue is unlikely to know that. So again it’s pointless asking them. The bride’s the one with the info so sensibly the OP is asking her.

Plus she doesn’t know for certain if the wedding is actually dry or the b&g aren’t funding any of the drinks - from the conversation had to date it’s not completely clear.

My Muslim friends do drink so I couldn’t tell you. The best parties and weddings in my experience have not been dry - at all!!!

@DoorLockedAgain the difference is that attendees at such weddings are usually used to celebrating without alcohol and therefore feel more comfortable dancing etc sober. This won’t necessarily be the case at a wedding where the majority of guests are white British (which it sounds like this one is) and WILL affect the vibe of the party.

So you wouldn't have booked a room to be able to have a few drinks then? (Note it very much is a small amount before you can drive. Nobody is talking about getting hammered).
Thats the problem. A room booked for no reason.

Sounds boring and somehow judgemental.
It's all people will remember about this very dull wedding. DRY.
Perhaps she or he has some awful relatives renowned for fighting at weddings?

Are you sure it's not a dry hire? In other words wedding party and guest provide booze?

Or is it a wee free venue/family?

How do you know it’s dull without knowing what is planned?

It may well be dull, but on the other hand the couple may have arranged really great entertainment.

Dry doesn’t automatically equate to dull.

If it's in Scotland my guess is at least one side of the family are Free Church. Their weddings are always booze free (and they may have forgotten that most people don't know this!).

Who said they would bail early? The OP says she would have stayed until the end and then driven home. An hour's drive isn't much. I do that every week for a choir rehearsal.

I have been to dry weddings. They have still been fun and it was nice to catch up with the bride and groom and friends over breakfast.

This thread highlights the issues the UK has with alcohol, even though people are so used to alcohol, they simply cannot see it. People are unable to enjoy a friend’s wedding (no fun) or process grief after a funeral without the crutch of alcohol.

No, what this thread highlights is some people's inability to read the OP.
It doesn't say she needs alcohol to enjoy it. It doesn't say she won't go if she can't have a drink. It doesn't say she'd leave early if she didn't have a drink.
It says she wouldn't have booked a hotel if she didn't need it because driving after a drink is illegal.

Could it be that alcohol is an issue for one of the amily. Maybe a parent or a sibling of the couple is an alcoholic and this takes the stress away for everyone?

Fact you’ve said it’s in Scotland makes me think. I’ve only ever been to a dry wedding in Scotland as the people were fierce Protestants. Maybe wee frees. The couple did drink but their families did not and a dry wedding was the norm with party games - oh yes.

I don't know how they'd have put it on the invite. I've never seen anything like that so just' FYI no alcohol' I don't drink anymore but I know a lot of people would be hugely put off and go look for alcohol else where. Would sneak drink in, then go to their room for 'little drink' which is actually a 5x measure or something and end up pissed!