No alcohol wedding

[KK05]

So I’ve just discovered that my friends wedding in 3 weeks is alcohol free. I was always expecting to pay for my own drink on the day but it turns out they aren’t having alcohol at all. This was a shock as they both enjoy nights out with alcohol and her hen was messy.

My issue isn’t the fact we can’t have a drink, I would still be going either way it’s that we’ve only just found out.

All in all we have spent almost £300 for a hotel the night before and night of the wedding. Night before was so we didn’t have to try and check in either after the wedding or try to squeeze it in at some point throughout the day. Would never have stayed for even one night if I knew I could drive. Too far for cabs/public transport but would have happily driven there and back. Think country estate. Plus it’s a hour away from home (bride and groom live same town as me). Trying to cancel so fingers crossed I get some money back.

There was nothing mentioned on the invites and nothing was said until last night and even then was just mentioned in passing.

My question is it unusual to mention this on invites? I’ve never been to a wedding with no alcohol so not entirely sure. I also know that a few people going could be doing with the extra money in the bank even if only staying one night or trying to arrange transport to and from the nearest town.

Would it be unreasonable to mention to the happy couple that they need to make people aware before the day? Or AIBU suggesting this?

She’s a very good friend if that helps and it’s not the no alcohol that’s the issue but the extra expense that we didn’t really need to spend. Money isn’t a huge problem for us but I’m still annoyed I’m out of pocket.

Went to a Muslim wedding in London last year. Didn't mind the lack of alcohol much though it definitely was less lively than the Irish weddings I went to before and after. Only unfair bit was that the bride and groom drank a ceremonial cup of wine (I think) together on stage... like where's ours, haha.

In general festivities entirely unoiled by grog are less fun though, esp where dancing is involved and you are expected to laugh at not terribly witty speeches. I love seeing normally staid people unclench a bit.

I am not sure most weddings have “fine wine and champagne” tbh - seems to be mainly beer, gin and Prosecco…

Which is much more fun. Alcohol snobs are bores. I’d much prefer a dry wedding to one where we all sit around and appreciate fine wine.

How could that possibly be rude? Asking a venue about their facilities and opening times.

This is a bit bizarre I agree!

They are going to be sorely disappointed in the amount of people up and boogying if that was the vibe they were hoping for and people will probably leave early.

Because it is. If you have a question about the wedding ask the B&G - you don’t go behind their backs. It’s also pointless

As it’s a country house hotel it likely has a bar. Doesn’t mean that wedding guests will be able to buy drinks from it without sloping off from the wedding.

Honestly, I'm struggling to find the problem here...

But then I'm as close-as-makes-no-difference tee-total. I have about 5 drinks a year.

Each couple can choose what is perfect for them, in terms of offering. It’s not my experience that guests get ‘hammered’ most appreciate the choice though!

@VaccineSticker oh so not offering thoughts on the OP?

Then you wouldn’t have booked the hotel room in the first place would you.

Exactly - and this couple have chosen a dry wedding.

Ofc anyone can contact the venue if they are paying to stay there 🙄🙄

The issue is that OP would not have booked hotel room if she had known it was a dry wedding.

I think she also mentioned it was in Scotland which has zero blood alcohol policy, so it would be a consideration even if you were able to drive after toasting with a tiny amount of fizz.

The only dry wedding I have been to was an Irish one believe it or not and nothing was said until everyone had bought a drink at the bar downstairs and were being asked to take a seat in the event room and being told no alcohol in the event room until after the Minister had left which would be after speeches.

At least we all got one in beforehand - lol

But it would have been wise to say at some point before hand. Or maybe it only came about after the Messy Hen....

About their booking, yes. The wedding no. And it won’t answer this particular question however will it. So it’s a waste of time.

For them, but they can not expect their guests to appreciate their decision or to remain in the room all day if there is a lovely bar somewhere!

Is there a bar? Yes or no. Answers the question. Yes.

I find it concerning that so many people don't think they can have a night out without alcohol 'because it'd be boring'.

I think theres a few people who should be REALLY reflecting on that.

No it doesn’t.

The question isn’t is there a bar - it’s a country house hotel. Of course there’s a bar.

The question is - is the wedding dry?

I've been to lots of weddings, none of them dry. I have never seen a guest so pissed they were a problem or any aggro/drama caused by alcohol. Maybe my friends and family are more able to handle themselves or drink sensibly than most - loads of people taking about avoiding drink fuelled drama. I don't get it.

@RedToothBrush it’s not that people can’t enjoy themselves without alcohol. It’s just that alcohol acts as a social lubricant which is really helpful in situations like weddings. Like it or not people are far less likely to get up and dance if they haven’t had a few drinks which will mean a lot of standing around during the time where the party normally happens. This creates a flat atmosphere which then leads people to think it is a bit boring

I've been to dry weddings before I don't see the issue personally.

There maybe a reason behind it such as family member issues or the alcohol packages were very expensive.
Given your in Scotland its highly likely that a good number of guests turn up with hip flasks as its fairly standard thing to be found in a sporran!

Some people seem to be struggling to understand the issue here.

A similar scenario might be if we were invited to a NYE party. On NYE neither DH nor I drunk much - he didn't want a hangover and I was doing parkrun on NYD . However as we wanted a couple of drinks, we drove there and booked a taxi home.

If the event was dry we would have saved the taxi cost and driven home. Mind you we might just have stayed at home as a dry NYE doesn't sound like much fun .

I would be absolutely fine with a dry wedding- bridal parties prerogative- but I'd expect to be told in advance, and I would definitely either drive home, or if too far away drive to the nearest Premier Inn rather than staying in expensive wedding hotel.

She hasn't said she wouldn't stick around. She's said she'd have stayed to the end and the driven home rather than book a room. Why are people getting outraged about something that is clearly not happen?

I always think its sad people need alcohol to celebrate a friend, its also really, really sad you would bail early to drive over an hour rather than being their for a friend.

My issue isn't the no alcohol as I said I would still have gone.

I live in Scotland and we can't even have one glass of something and drive. So even if I decided not to drink alcohol and only have a glass of wine with dinner or one for the toast I would still have to make other arrangements to get home. The choice was mine to stay - yes but I done this thinking I would be having alcohol, I wouldn't have made this choice if I was able to drive.

I booked the room the night before just to make life that little bit easier. Same as I booked the venue so I didn't have to get taxis to the nearest town or travelodge.

My issue is booking a room that I thought I would need. I made this choice so I could have a few drinks to celebrate and not worry about how I was going to get home.

It's not my place to tell people it's AF but I think the B&G should as a courtesy. Plus also means there won't be any bad feeling on the day.

Either way I'm looking forward to it.

I will speak to the bride today to find out more.