No alcohol wedding

[KK05]

So I’ve just discovered that my friends wedding in 3 weeks is alcohol free. I was always expecting to pay for my own drink on the day but it turns out they aren’t having alcohol at all. This was a shock as they both enjoy nights out with alcohol and her hen was messy.

My issue isn’t the fact we can’t have a drink, I would still be going either way it’s that we’ve only just found out.

All in all we have spent almost £300 for a hotel the night before and night of the wedding. Night before was so we didn’t have to try and check in either after the wedding or try to squeeze it in at some point throughout the day. Would never have stayed for even one night if I knew I could drive. Too far for cabs/public transport but would have happily driven there and back. Think country estate. Plus it’s a hour away from home (bride and groom live same town as me). Trying to cancel so fingers crossed I get some money back.

There was nothing mentioned on the invites and nothing was said until last night and even then was just mentioned in passing.

My question is it unusual to mention this on invites? I’ve never been to a wedding with no alcohol so not entirely sure. I also know that a few people going could be doing with the extra money in the bank even if only staying one night or trying to arrange transport to and from the nearest town.

Would it be unreasonable to mention to the happy couple that they need to make people aware before the day? Or AIBU suggesting this?

She’s a very good friend if that helps and it’s not the no alcohol that’s the issue but the extra expense that we didn’t really need to spend. Money isn’t a huge problem for us but I’m still annoyed I’m out of pocket.

But she is drinking at NY so clearly not that much of an issue!!

This is a money thing for sure

Strange (and holier than thou) assumptions that people are making! OP did not say she wanted to get "hammered", nor did she say that an AF wedding would not be fun.

I get her point entirely. I drink but do some AF months every year. Drinking with people can be lots of fun. A gathering without alcohol is fine and can also be fun (depending on the company). What I find very not-fun and extremely boring is being totally sober when others are drinking a lot (which inevitably happens at a wedding). Drunk people en masse are incredibly annoying when you are sober.

OP probably, like I would have done, made her original decision to get the hotel room based on this, not because she couldn't enjoy an event without getting "hammered". And those who said well why can't you just have one or two drinks, the situation in Scotland has already been explained.

The majority of your post was all about the meat eaters being told they could manage to forego meat with one meal, and then examining the reasons why someone might ban meat/alcohol. None of these matter a jot, the reasoning behind the rule is irrelevant really.

Don't do this, it's nothing to do with you, you won't be thanked if you do.

What a sad thread.
Been to lots of weddings abroad where alcohol was not served and everyone has a great time and joins in on the dance floor and parties.

Fortunately for you, I have never had issues with alcohol - unlike some of the born again totallers on here. True alcoholism is not a laughing matter, and your post is bad form and in poor taste.

I imagine any other guests who have booked hotel rooms on the same basis as OP will be extremely grateful to be able to decide to cancel them or not.

I can’t believe you are drinking at all and driving. How dangerous

Hardly. You could easily have a glass of fizz mid-afternoon and then drive home in the late evening.

In fact DH and I have done exactly that - when we were invited to an adults-only wedding so left ds at home but didn't want to leave him overnight. It was high summer, so we left about 8pm and were back around 10pm just before it got dark.

This time of year I'd stay over though - whether drinking or not - because I wouldn't necessarily trust other people on the roads not to be drinking and driving.

Good for you, here we appreciate fine wines and champagne to complement the wedding breakfast - as do most of our friends throughout Europe and the western world. There is nothing more civilised and celebratory when hosting a special occasion.

I think there’ll be a bar somewhere in the hotel that guests will slope off to. This happened at a wedding I went to. Eventually the bride noticed that the numbers in the function room had thinned considerably; she then came and rounded up everyone in the bar and herded us all back in annoyance!

That wasn’t even a dry wedding, it was just a very limited choice of drinks in the function room (provided by B&G) whereas the bar had more choice and was a nicer place to sit.

But I'm guessing most of them won't have paid £150 for a hotel room to avoid driving after a couple of drinks.

Whilst I’ve had a brilliant time at weddings whilst pregnant and therefore not drinking myself, the mood has been lifted by others drinking. I think a purely alcohol-free wedding would be very flat and people would be ready to leave early. Thats not to say people can’t have fun without alcohol, but a couple drinks does give a lot of people the confidence to get up and dance which keeps the night enjoyable.

But yes, they absolutely should have mentioned it on the invites so people are prepared and so people know not to spend money on accommodation. I think they’ll be left with a lot of very annoyed people if they don’t find out until the day and the whole mood will be very awkward.

You do realise that threads don't generally involve a Yes/No question, don't you? People usually widen and develop the discussion, and consider other connected factors, thoughts and experiences.

If you aren't interested in my or anybody else's comments in a thread, you're perfectly at liberty to scroll straight past them and find one that you do consider acceptable.

I have seen that too, a separate party of rebels forms with some contraband vino invariably enjoying a much better time and grows to be much of the party!!!! This will undoubtedly happen if there is anywhere else to have a drink 🥃

I’d be having plenty of wine in my room if you do end up staying.

I think it is the right thing to do to let other guests quietly know op, otherwise the happy couple will be dealing with some pretty disgruntled guests and awkward conversations in the actual day. It might ruin their wedding. As most guests will have booked rooms for the same reasons as you.

I think it depends on what you're expecting and what kind of wedding it is. I've been to religious type weddings which I wasn't expecting to drink so it didn't matter, I've been to some that were pure partying and entertainment so equally that didn't matter either. I expect this is the type where people are expecting a reception and to have a few drinks and a bit of a party, so I think it's very fair that OP is disappointed, I would be too!

The bride should have told you all so you could make the choice to drive home. It's a no brainer really. The cultural norm IS to have a bar available unless they belong to some no-drinking religious sect.

I am a one or two glass of wine max person but I still like having the option to buy that... it certainly makes getting through ceremonies more tolerable

But isn't that what you're doing as well - mocking people who may have struggled with alcoholism and managed to come through it and out the other side as 'born again totallers'?

Sadly some are just too sanctimonious to tolerate.

I don’t think the op minds too much, just that it changes the hotel versus driving decision.

ha ha
“Here in Europe”
The way you phrase this sounds like non drinkers and the non westerners are not civilised.

Tolerance and respecting other cultures are beautiful things.

Did they pay ££££ to stay over unnecessarily?

I’m commenting about the general attitude on here.

It does sound like if they had told people early, they would have left early, whereas now people will have to stay.

TBH im not a drinker and wouldnt mind but ive been to a few where people have ruined weddings for the all by getting wasted/abusive. Maybe the bride and groom are aware someone will do that so have nipped it in the bud.