No alcohol wedding

[KK05]

So I’ve just discovered that my friends wedding in 3 weeks is alcohol free. I was always expecting to pay for my own drink on the day but it turns out they aren’t having alcohol at all. This was a shock as they both enjoy nights out with alcohol and her hen was messy.

My issue isn’t the fact we can’t have a drink, I would still be going either way it’s that we’ve only just found out.

All in all we have spent almost £300 for a hotel the night before and night of the wedding. Night before was so we didn’t have to try and check in either after the wedding or try to squeeze it in at some point throughout the day. Would never have stayed for even one night if I knew I could drive. Too far for cabs/public transport but would have happily driven there and back. Think country estate. Plus it’s a hour away from home (bride and groom live same town as me). Trying to cancel so fingers crossed I get some money back.

There was nothing mentioned on the invites and nothing was said until last night and even then was just mentioned in passing.

My question is it unusual to mention this on invites? I’ve never been to a wedding with no alcohol so not entirely sure. I also know that a few people going could be doing with the extra money in the bank even if only staying one night or trying to arrange transport to and from the nearest town.

Would it be unreasonable to mention to the happy couple that they need to make people aware before the day? Or AIBU suggesting this?

She’s a very good friend if that helps and it’s not the no alcohol that’s the issue but the extra expense that we didn’t really need to spend. Money isn’t a huge problem for us but I’m still annoyed I’m out of pocket.

I'm really surprised people are surprised the booze gets served at funeral wakes in the UK.

I've been to both. Some have been more like high teas, others have had the booze flowing. I wouldn't expect to have alcohol at a wake (as I would at a wedding), but it's quite normal, IME.

What sort of place is the wedding at then ? I could understand if it was church wedding with reception in church hall, but if it's an all dayer at a hotel, surely there will be bars open ? Up to you if you cancel your accommodation and drive but this sounds a bit odd .

It's so weird that OP never said that it wasn't going to be fun and you are saying that!

Yes, that is literally what OP is saying.

She’s also saying that now she knows she won’t be drinking, she’ll be saving money by driving home after her great night. And she’d like others to have been given the same option.

If the wedding is at a posh hotel there will probably be a bar there selling drinks anyway. If I was a guest I would probably smuggle in a few drinks. People will probably end up going home early.

Why on earth would op need to check before cancelling her room if she is a 100% sure if is alcohol free?

It’s not ops job to make up the numbers that have booked rooms. I imagine more guests will follow suit. It’s unfair to expect any guest to pay such huge amounts to subsidise the cost of the chosen wedding venue.

I think YABU.

Firstly, regardless of alcohol being served at the wedding or not, you could have still driven to the wedding. If you drink, you could have either not drank or drank less. No one forced you to book a hotel. Especially if you can’t afford it. You made the decision not to drive.

Secondly, if you want a drink badly enough to pay for accommodation to allow you to get drunk, you can bring your own alcohol - which if alcohol is that important, makes the hotel cost worth it for you?

as an aside, I have stopped drinking alcohol as much and I’m so glad it doesn’t factor in my decision making like this. I went to a wedding last month that was intended to be alcohol free and it really was no bother. It was at a country estate and the venue had bar facilities on site for those who wanted alcohol but it was nice not having the night revolve around drunk people

Oh for goodness sake, can people not have fun without having alcohol?

This is such a sad sad thread. It is perfectly possible to enjoy a wedding without needing drink.

I have been to a few weddings thoroughly ruined by drunk people - fighting, throwing up. So childish and unnecessary.

I do drink but not often and have lots of fun at weddings

In Scotland you can’t drink anything and drive….

There really no one more pious and sanctimonious than a brand new teetotaller - total buzz kill for everyone else looking to relax and have fun. My least favourite people are the braying teetotallers - no one especially cares whether you drink or not so no, we don’t want to hear about it - it’s tediously boring for everyone else!

Would never have stayed for even one night if I knew I could drive

Your ability to drive is in your hands, as always. Whatever is provided, you can choose a non-alcoholic option and be fit to drive.

You also said you were genuinely fine with alcohol-free events and expect to have a good time either way.

So I think your chagrin about spending money to facilitate alcohol consumption that will not now happen is just that - crossness with yourself.

I don’t drink so it being AF itself wouldn’t bother me and I’d probably have stayed over one night at least to make a bit of a weekend of it but it’s super weird not to let people know in advance. I agree I’d be pissed off (if I still drank) about the not knowing beforehand. If I still drank I’d probably stay at least one night and have a bottle of something in my room I could sneak into my drinks at the wedding ;)

I see where you’re coming from but surely they’d just have a paying bar if that were the case?

ETA - gnn sorry I skipped the last bit of your post!

@JANEY205
For most people there is a huge gap between drinking to get drunk - and the one glass of wine to stay under drink drive limits . In fact many people won't drink at all if driving . The majority of the time when we go out for a meal we will get a taxi back so we can enjoy a few glasses of wine. Over a two hour period no-one is getting drunk but would be over drink-drive limit.

I knew it would only be a matter of time before people started to comment on people “needing” to drink alcohol and being shocked that this would be an issue.

It isn’t the point of the OP.

For a close friend I would happily stay overnight even if there was no alcohol involved - if I could afford to. Which is the issue. A wedding is a huge expense, and if there is no alcohol the option to drive is therefore open to people.

One of the nicest things about my wedding was next morning when close friends and family were at the hotel breakfast. We then all went to the bar for a few hours and had soft drinks. No one wanted to leave!

However, for people not close I would understand them wanting to drive home.

Why?

Depending on what that "one" was, you could still be over the limit or, as you rarely drink, under the limit but your reactions slowed enough to make driving dangerous.

I don't drink, and it being an hour away I would likely drive. But, depending on the relationship and the destination/hotel, I might have wanted to stay over anyway.

I'm not sure OPs point is that she booked the hotel so she could get hammered and now she's annoyed she can't. I think it's that she booked the hotel so she could not worry about whether she wanted the extra glass or two (or 6, whatever, no judgement) while celebrating with her friend. But as there is no glass or two, she can celebrate with her friend for the whole night and not be over the limit to drive home, but wasn't given all the info up front to decide which she wanted to do.

Did you see the vegetarian takeaway thread that I referred to?

The problem there was not that the friend did not want meat in her home, but that she agreed with OP that they would both get their own takeaway to eat together, but only happened to mention an hour before that OP was only allowed to choose a vegetarian dish.

I don't see how I'm missing the point - as I outlined, there are a lot of parallels between the two. I never said that OP had a problem with there being no alcohol there; only in not being told about it in reasonable time before she had made plans around her expectations of what normally happens at a wedding.

I think perhaps more people might understand the point that is being made here if we used an analogy of something else that is non-standard about the wedding not being communicated. Everyone’s getting too caught up in the debate about whether booze is necessary to enjoy a wedding.

Let’s say, for example, that OP had just discovered that the couple were not going to allow anyone to wear high heels because the venue has fragile floors. OP had bought a new pair of expensive high-heeled shoes for the occasion. She also picked a dress that doesn’t look great with flats. Fortunately she can take them back but she thinks that others might have appreciated knowing in advance so they could plan their wardrobes accordingly.

OP knows she can have a lovely time in flat shoes. She won’t feel quite as “dressed up” in flats as she would generally like to feel, but that’s OK because all the other women will also be in flats. She actually finds flats more comfy, but she would have felt a bit uncomfortable wearing flats if most of the other women were going to be in heels. That’s why she chose to buy heels when she thought that was going to be the case.

My exact thought! 🤣

You said messy hen do, was it due to alcohol? If so I can imagine the bride saying that's it I'm not having alcohol at the wedding.

But there are also people on here suggesting that spending time with your close friends and celebrating their marriage with them is all a complete waste of time if there's no booze to make it worth your while going.

There is a middle ground.

Where did I mention anything about OP? The comments are bloody weird saying it would be dull without alcohol.

So op should be really cross with herself for booking a room for a wedding she assumed she would be drinking at least one glass of wine/champagne at! In Scotland it’s illegal to drink anything and drive.

So she does the sensible thing and books a room only to discover it’s a dry wedding and clearly won’t need the room now.

I just don’t understand why some pp can’t comprehend that most people wouldn’t choose to spend £300 on a hotel that wasn’t their choice and will barely spend any time in!

Eh, what’s this random outburst about? just alcoholics being dramatic as per usual I see 😘

I’m talking about the comments it’s not hard to figure that out