Telling each other that we’re… arriving

[Mumfromoutnumbered]

Just for fun really. DP and I have had this discussion before, and it occurred again earlier.

Neither of us are noisy during sex, but as he finishes, he always gives me advance notice and tells me it’s about to happen. He says he’s doing it out of politeness, and that I should do the same.

Politeness!

Frankly the last thing I’m thinking about in that moment is being fucking polite! I never announce it. He says he can’t tell when it happens and wants to know.

Is announcing it a conscious thing? I guess some people say it in the moment or if they don’t want their partner to stop, but surely not whilst thinking ‘Oh I’d better let the other person know so that they won’t think me rude…’

Does he need to know? Am I really being impolite?! I wouldn’t care if he didn’t tell me in advance. The bloody grunt and the fact that he then stops is generally the telltale sign! AIBU?

The whole thing makes me laugh. I never went to Swiss finishing school but I always thought it fairly impolite to be humping away or lying there with my legs in the air in the first place!

Were you shagging Gene Hunt

Haha

DH, every time, says in a shocked voice "ooh you're gonna make me arrive ya know. You're gonna make me arrive!" Like it's not a completely expected consequence every time we partake in indoor sports

Depends on the situation

Mostly our 'arrivals' (loving this description) are very obvious from the noises and actions we make - both PIV and him going down on me, with or without extra toys

However, if I'm giving a BJ, he does tell me when he is very close to the destination so I can decide if I want it in my mouth or not at the point of arrival!

This thread has absolutely made my day! 😂

This is my favourite thread in quite a while! 🍿

Argh I hate this sort of thing. It's not the OP's job to tailor her bloody orgasm to his preferences! She should come the way she comes, as long as she's not just focused on her own pleasure and ignoring his. She's not a porn star, she doesn't need to fake a bunch of moaning and groaning that doesn't come naturally to her to get him off (or she shouldn't need to). Being performative like that when it isn't what you are feeling is basically faking - are we seriously still encouraging women to do this in 2024?

Same 🤣

You're bloody not wrong. Don't let all this nonsense convince you you're having sex (or for god's sake orgasms) 'wrong'.

He's been married to you a while, and I assume you were sexual with each other before that. If he's only just now starting to complain you're 'too quiet' or whatever, then I'd be suspecting too much porn tbh. I'd just straight up tell him if the way you come isn't good enough for him then that's hard fucking luck to be honest. You're not a performing monkey. You're his wife.

I would take it as more of a ‘whatever you do,
don’t fucking stop what you’re doing now’ 😂😂

Also I get irritated by the pressure for women to 'come' at all, actually. It's kind of like the inverse problem of when no-one bothered with women's pleasure at all and it was sort of assumed sex was for the man - it's a tedious one-size-fits-all tickbox attitude which imo is a very 'male' attitude to sex.

Obviously for most men, sex without an orgasm at some point is basically a wasted hour. But IME female pleasure is not like that (or not all females anyway, or not every time...). It's more complicated, richer in some ways, more various. And takes longer, mostly, and can have a very uneven landscape - it's not all about rising to the peak via the most efficient route. Certainly for me, there is zero 'formula' that will always 'get me off' - even when I'm driving the train myself, as it were. I have some favourites, like most people, but nothing's guaranteed, and what works at the beginning may be different to what gets me off at the end, or what works for one encounter won't work for the next. And, most importantly, sometimes I don't WANT to come - I want to enjoy some relaxing pleasure, not blow my fucking head off. It depends.

I appreciate this may be annoying to a man going in with a checklist mentality - "do x to get her wet, y to get her going, and z to bring her off, all done bish bash bosh, good feminist lover job done, now let's sort ME out". But that's a them thing, not a me thing. I'm not going to tailor MY pleasure to their wishes. I'm happy to bend over backwards (literally if need be) to give my partner pleasure; but I'm not going to pretend things that I'm not feeling for the purpose.

Women can love sex, just like men. But that doesn't mean we have to like sex LIKE men.

He’s not pressuring me. I find it quite funny, and it’s just that he recently mentioned it.

We’ve been together for ages, and it’s fine. He’s a great sexual partner. Always makes sure I come, and has never made me feel anything but comfortable.

He doesn’t want me to be a pornstar - he just tells me when he’s getting there and thinks (in a jokey way) that I should do the same. If I screamed like When Harry Met Sally he’d probably run for the hills!

If it’s any good my ETA will be earlier than if it’s rubbish

It's like the problem when men think they're a great lover and a feminist because they can locate the clitoris, and frot away madly at it for ages like it's a penis, as opposed to one part of an extremely complicated pleasure machine the rest of which they completely ignore because they want you to 'come'. Such a bloody snore.

Glad to hear this. I get a bit radgie about this sort of thing :P because in my grumpy old age I'm finding a lot of ways in which the 'sex-positive' feminism of my 90s youth has in the end sold us a pup, and in many ways it's just the same shite for women in a different package!

It’s like a Nice surprise every time 😅

This thread is brilliant.

I really hope this thread does not pop into my mind randomly next time we are doing it 😅🤣

Don't make too many announcements over the tannoy - you will wake the kids/embarrass the teenagers. Most parents are tied to silent sex.

Oh it will. Mumsnetters everywhere will be united in their destinations. I might even think of it accidentally the next time I’m on an actual train and frighten the other passengers with look in my eye and random laughing.

"I'm pulling to the platform... Again!"

Can you not just give him 3 rings on the house phone so he knows you have arrived safely.

splutter 🤣🤣🤣

Same 😂

This. I'm pretty sure this is why my DH does too. Always assumed this is why everyone would announce it tbh!😄

Don't know about anyone else but reading this is not only highly amusing but really making me want a shag too!

In Footasylum shopping with my son n just laughed out loud at this 🤣🤣