to not stay home all day because its step child's birthday?

[speckly918]

It's DSD's birthday tomorrow. She'll be 15.

Both DH and ex are working and tbh I had assumed she was back in school this week (apparently doesn't go back until next week but I wasn't aware).

I currently work 3 days a week and spend the other time looking after our young children. Tomorrow I have made plans with another friend of mine to go out with her and her children.

DHs ex is pissed off that DH isn't spending the day with her and that she'll be alone on her birthday (I didn't actually know until tonight that he wasn't back in school until next week as no one had said anything) and DH now wants me to cancel what I'm doing to stay at home so 15yo DSD isn't home alone on her birthday.

I've said no. If either parent wanted her to have company on the day they could have booked it off work. She'll likely end up meeting friends anyway or playing online with them so it seems pointless for me to sit in all day when she'll only be upstairs in her room anyway.

Aibu? DH didn't see a problem with it apparently at first but now his ex isn't happy he thinks I should stay at home until he's back from work. I think surely teens up and down the country sometimes have birthdays when both parents are in work. It's just life isn't it? Meal and cake etc planned for the evening.

This type of thing irks me big time.
Oh she's ' family ' but when it suits me.
Both real parents don't want The BIRTHDAY to happen till a time in the day that's suits THEM and YOU'VE got to suck it up.
This kind of attitude is called pigeonholing or COMPARTMENTALISING.
I have it happen to me too. I have a ' friennd' whom expects me to go to her and celebrate HER birthday every year but HAS NO IDEA when MY birthday is, I'm done with it. Sorry for rant.
But I hate it when friends or family just want you when it suits THEM

I was thinking this, why is she getting insulted when it’s clearly dad’s contact time?

Do you invite them over for your birthday and make plans?

Staying in all day for the sake of it is pointless.
Doing something with her, being available to give her a lift where she wants to go, asking her what she wants to do that would make sense.

Does anyone have a problem with her being alone on other days?

But I wouldn't assume that at 15 she can just go out with friends.....very much depends if friends are free, local to ger dads, what there is to do and weather.
A lot of teens, especially girls, seem to struggle with casual socialising I find.

Also , sorry, does no-one understand how school holidays work? How dates work? No-one "always" went back to school on 4th Jan in the last 50 years. Especially not on a Thursday.

It's the old saw about a woman's time not being her own.

In effect the oarents couldn't be bothered to sort this out and dump it on the nearest woman who's allegedly not fping amything because she's not at work.

Let them deal with it. If you haven't givdn birth to them, you're not redponsible for them.

Your dh needs to take a day off, if it’s his day to have dd and his dd wants him to. This is not your problem op.

They sound like shit, checked out parents. Poor kid.

The girl is 15, if it is not unusual for parents not to take a day off (and i nall fairness I have not met many people who do take a day off for a birthday, most to celebrate on the weekends) then the girl does not knwo any different and she is therefore not 'poor'.

To me it seems the mum is trying to stir shit to make it seem the dad is a bad dad, while the DS herself is probably happier shopping with mates.

We always take a day off for our children’s birthdays unless they are in school. Our children are important to us, their birthdays are treated as a special occasion, yes.

It doesn’t sound like either parent gives a damn.

Me and my brother were always important to our parents and they didnt take a day off, because we celebrated with the whole family on a Saturday- and on my actual birthday Id rather have gone out with friends for a pizza.
Some people can't take a day off and it does not mean you love your kids more than they- although maybe thinking this makes you feel a bit better about yourself :)

It's not the need to stay in. It's the lack of a conversation of "it's your birthday soon, what shall we do to celebrate it?" During this conversation the fact it was a school holiday would have come up.

I don't think stepmothers should do all the parenting instead of the father but both father and stepmother should make the family home pleasant for all their children.

*It's not the need to stay in. It's the lack of a conversation of "it's your birthday soon, what shall we do to celebrate it?" During this conversation the fact it was a school holiday would have come up.

I don't think stepmothers should do all the parenting instead of the father but both father and stepmother should make the family home pleasant for all their c*hildren.

This in spades. It's the lack of interest. And parents passing the issue around like a hot potatoe.