to not stay home all day because its step child's birthday?

[speckly918]

It's DSD's birthday tomorrow. She'll be 15.

Both DH and ex are working and tbh I had assumed she was back in school this week (apparently doesn't go back until next week but I wasn't aware).

I currently work 3 days a week and spend the other time looking after our young children. Tomorrow I have made plans with another friend of mine to go out with her and her children.

DHs ex is pissed off that DH isn't spending the day with her and that she'll be alone on her birthday (I didn't actually know until tonight that he wasn't back in school until next week as no one had said anything) and DH now wants me to cancel what I'm doing to stay at home so 15yo DSD isn't home alone on her birthday.

I've said no. If either parent wanted her to have company on the day they could have booked it off work. She'll likely end up meeting friends anyway or playing online with them so it seems pointless for me to sit in all day when she'll only be upstairs in her room anyway.

Aibu? DH didn't see a problem with it apparently at first but now his ex isn't happy he thinks I should stay at home until he's back from work. I think surely teens up and down the country sometimes have birthdays when both parents are in work. It's just life isn't it? Meal and cake etc planned for the evening.

It's normal for all the parents in a household to know the term dates of all the children @Chocolatebuttonns . How does it work in your household? Do you just know about half of ypur kids?

Why? Because op is a woman?

No I don't the term dates in my house because of my vagina @Chocolatebuttonns .

I know the term dates in my house cos I like to know what's going on.

I don't know

Okay.. good for you? Just because you do doesn't mean everyone else should?

Err yes. Where did I say that?

It was you that wanted to know if it was BECAUSE I WAS A WOMEN?

No, I wanted to know why you think op should. I didn't ask why you do it.

Well I'm pretty sure you got the gist . But good for me etc.

Dh had no issue with her being alone during the day, we gave already planned a meal etc for the evening, until his ex said it was a problem. I've suggested he give her some money to go out with friends.

So he's happy with his decision until his ex questions it?

Seems as if it didn't occur to either parent to take a day off.

Why was that I wonder?

Because they assumed Op would be at home?

What makes you think OP doesn’t know when DSD is staying with them?

*Well no not really.

Youve not really said why you think op should do it at all.*

Well read the thread. Your 'e making this very complicated.

I have read it. Its not very complicated to ask why you think op should note the term dates, is it?

Ok because I think it's cool to know what's going on in your house. And not because she's a women.

Your'e keeping this discussion really interesting.

And know you say to me " good for you " .... blah blah

God alive @Chocolatebuttonns

YANBU but poor kid

imagine having such a crap father

Why poor kid though?

Would many parents would take a day off for their 15yr old's birthday?

So 2 parents didn't bother to take a day off, wonder why?

Because the assumption was that the OP would be at home and she'd sort it.

Too many parents seem to think that new (especially female) partners are default childcare when their own lives are more important than sorting their kids out.

Yep. I've never seen this expectation placed on a new male partner.

Hope that she is having a nice birthday - whatever she's ended up doing.

@diddl im sorry you didn’t have parents who cared enough growing up.

my parents were always around for our birthdays.

Parents working doesn't mean that they aren't around or didn't care enough you idiot!

@diddl of course it does mean that.

They chose work over their child. It’s a pretty basic fact.

if my birthday was on a school day my parents would ensure one of them could do pick up that day, if it was on a weekend or an inset day they’d both take it off usually, if not both at least one would.

Honestly the 15 year old is probably not that bothered. They're so into their friends at that age. But she will pick up on if her people DON'T KNOW what she's up to and haven't shown an interest.