to not stay home all day because its step child's birthday?

[speckly918]

It's DSD's birthday tomorrow. She'll be 15.

Both DH and ex are working and tbh I had assumed she was back in school this week (apparently doesn't go back until next week but I wasn't aware).

I currently work 3 days a week and spend the other time looking after our young children. Tomorrow I have made plans with another friend of mine to go out with her and her children.

DHs ex is pissed off that DH isn't spending the day with her and that she'll be alone on her birthday (I didn't actually know until tonight that he wasn't back in school until next week as no one had said anything) and DH now wants me to cancel what I'm doing to stay at home so 15yo DSD isn't home alone on her birthday.

I've said no. If either parent wanted her to have company on the day they could have booked it off work. She'll likely end up meeting friends anyway or playing online with them so it seems pointless for me to sit in all day when she'll only be upstairs in her room anyway.

Aibu? DH didn't see a problem with it apparently at first but now his ex isn't happy he thinks I should stay at home until he's back from work. I think surely teens up and down the country sometimes have birthdays when both parents are in work. It's just life isn't it? Meal and cake etc planned for the evening.

Has anybody asked her?

Exactly. She doesn't need a babysitter - she just needs someone to take a bit of interest.

And probably some cash.

"DSD, I didn't realise you were still off school this week! Do you have plans for your birthday or would you like to join us doing xyz?"

No, it isn't "your problem" as such, but I couldn't not at least offer for her to come along because it isn't her fault either. Chances are she knew they would be working and has her day mapped out.

Just to be clear, DH knew she wasn't back in school tomorrow, I just didn't know (I don't keep a track of DSDs school terms as I have no need to and have enough of my own dates to try and retain!) I assumed she was going back to school tomorrow as we always did when I was in school.

Dh had no issue with her being alone during the day, we gave already planned a meal etc for the evening, until his ex said it was a problem. I've suggested he give her some money to go out with friends.

No you needn't go out of your way to help her celebrate her birthday. Her own father doesn't give a shit, why should you?

Because I would want a family calendar (yes, the DH can fill it in too) with everyone's schedule on it.
Just so I knew who would be home when, if nothing else. And that would include DSD's schedule too where it involved my household

And I would put birthdays in capitals as a reminder.

I'm sure I'm not unusual in that.

Don't you want to know when she'll be around? As she obviously lives with you as well as her mum?

Poor kid. Noone wants her

To be fair to the child's mother, its not generally considered reasonable to arrange to see your child when they are having contact with the other parent. She'd likely (and clearly foolishly) assumed her ex might make an effort.

Don't you want to know when she'll be around? As she obviously lives with you as well as her mum?

This 🤷‍♀️

Poor kid

Feel sorry for the step child with parents not bothering and a step parent like that too

I would stay home with her in a heartbeat IF that's what she wanted. My reasoning would be that I can meet up with a friend anytime.
I don't understand the 'not your kid, not your responsibility' mentality often on here. It's what you sign up for when you get involved with someone with a child. And you do only work 3 days a week.

@speckly918 dsd has two parents, not 3!! they both need to learn the art of communication!!

@Chocolatebuttonns would you not feel bad for the child that the parents "can't be arsed" or is it justification not give a damn too?

Ridiculous! Of course it’s not your job to cancel your plans - one of the parents should have booked the day off, or at least asked DSD what she wanted to do. Did she want one of them to spend the day with her or does she have plans with mates? Do they even know?

2nd Jan is the worst day in the year for a birthday though, poor thing.

@Chocolatebuttonns fair enough, but I would think at very least it would impact my opinion of my partner

Because some people consider their step children part of the family.

I'd give her options, does she want to be a friend I can drop off & pickup, or does she want to come out with you, friend and the younger kids.

I definitely wouldn't stay at home all day while she faffs on her phone, xbox and watches telly.
Cake can happen after dinner