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AIBU?

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Original poster

Ugh men are gross

178 replies

crochetmonkey74 · 31/12/2023 13:36

I say this as someone who would like to meet someone , but currently rethinking it...
I'm in a pub waiting for a friend for our annual nye lunch. A nice pub. In walk 3 couples. Roughly mid to late forties, all look nice and well dressed. Bit of chat and the women of the couples say goodbye and go off for a bit of shopping and will be back in an hour. Kisses all round, bye etc
Now the women are gone, I can hear everything the blokes are saying (while I'm pretending to read my book and go on mumsnet)
Topics they have covered so far (and I wish I was making this up)
1.One of them hasn't had a poo for a few days , went to toilet came back and showed photos of what he's done in the pub toilet. It was massive apparently and they all looked at it.

  1. They were all at a party for Christmas eve and a different friends daughter is definitely 'smashable' even though she is only 17
  2. Sienna Miller is fit and knows it so you could do what you want to her. They then were googling porn pictures of her.
  3. The band 10cc is a joke on the average amount of semen a man produces but the one regularly covers his wife back in it and there's loads more than that.
  4. The barmaid is too fat to shag unless you're desperate
These are normal looking attractive men who anyone would think look well dressed, seem like 'good' men etc but they acted totally different when their partners were here before they went shopping. . I can sit here and listen as I am fat and middle aged so invisible to them. I'm not a prude, but the switch was Shocking. Those women would probably never think their partners spoke like that.
OP posts:
AndSoFinally · 01/01/2024 11:52

I am not surprised. I'm a member of a professional website. The kind where you can ask colleagues for advice on work matters, but that also has a 'general chat' function, and several different fora. The 'Men's Forum' is utterly rank, and these are highly respectable, intelligent human beings in their day to day work lives. In contrast, the 'Women's Forum' is full of advice on menopausal nightwear, and crafting tips 🤦🏻

millymog11 · 01/01/2024 12:14

AndSoFinally · Today 11:52 just out of curiosity is that a website for medics of some sort? I am not on the website I have in mind but I know someone who is. Was just wondering.
Its all totally anonymous so on the website I was told about people who are presumably in very senior roles still write all sorts.

FictionalCharacter · 01/01/2024 12:14

NaughtyBoyGeorgeMichaelJacksonBrown · 31/12/2023 16:28

YANBU - I've been an 'honorary bloke' and seen and heard things exes have shared with their mates and obviously have plenty of experience of female only friend and work groups and, in my experience, there is a very marked difference with intent and tone.

Women can get 'gross' but it's usually in the spirit of sharing and finding out what is normal - stuff like nipple hairs, sex experience, health stuff etc. and can be really helpful and bonding. And when fancying men is talked about it's usually about particular men you want to go out with/get to know or yeah, shag. So it's not dehumanising or objectifying men in general and the talk isn't humiliating - no talk of smashing back doors in, 'ruining' them etc, just liking or wanting them.

With men, it's objectifying, vulgar and reinforces this shit among each other.

Plus the 'threat' or intent is so different - the tone behind a woman saying to her mates 'i'd really love to shag Brad from the mechanics' is so different to a man talking about 'wanting to hang out the end of that' or wanting to smash a 17 year old. And anyone who can't see that is being disingenuous or incredibly naive.

Spot on.
Some women seem to have no idea how common it is for men to fantasise about sexual violence and be turned on by it.
Look at the language. Women fantasise about sex with someone. The men OP heard are taking about doing things to a woman, and using words like "smash".
The things some of them say when they think we can't hear them can be much worse. I'm never surprised when men joke about rape, feel sorry for men convicted of rape/sexual assault, or play down how seriously rape affects female victims. I've seen too many men post grim fantasies about sexual violence - often prompted by nothing more than a picture of a wholesome-looking young woman in modest everyday clothing. And other men agree or laugh.

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