Roast dinner at 1 - which of us is being rude?

[Rachellllleeee]

Lighthearted.

I always do a roast dinner on Sundays for 1.00. Always have - we've been married for 30 years and kids have now left home.

DH is frequently late. He does an activity on Sunday morning, he could easily be back in time, but chooses to socialise after.

I spend around 2 hours preparing and cooking the dinner. Sometimes it's slightly later than 1.00 because it's not an exact science even after all of these years.

If DH is late, I start to eat mine. I'm not waiting for him to finish chatting whilst my lovely roast dinner cools on the side, to microwave it when he eventually turns up.

He thinks I'm being rude by starting without him. He thinks I should wait and reheat both dinners if he's late.

AIBU?

@Rachellllleeee, there will always be people who don’t understand that they need to read the OP updates. If you report your first post to MNHQ though, they’ll add a helpful note in bold at the bottom of it asking people to read the updates before commenting. They’ve done it on other threads.

It's not a question of either of you being rude. It's a question of flexibility and compromise.

People suggesting 2pm, 2.30, 3pm are missing the fact that those are not mealtimes. I could never wait that long to eat

Either move the roast to evening meal or scrap it completely. Roast dinners are massively overrated anyway

YANBU by the way. He's out of line

You are being unnecessarily rigid

Switch to dinner time instead of lunchtime.

It doesn't have to be 1pm move it to 5-7pm instead.

I'd go to the pub and have my roast 🤣
Your husband can't time manage and it wouldn't fly in a job so he is being disrespectful. If your happy to cook carry on eat when yours is fresh and let him Crack on later

@MatildaTheCat

Eating alone is a joyless experience except for toast which is brilliant

so, people living alone should just eat toast?

just because you can't function as a person by themselves, don't put your negativity onto others lives.

@Rachellllleeee

Talk to the dinosaur.

Tell him it's 2024.

Tell him you need to agree on a time dinner will be ready (if you're happy to continue to be a slave to that) & tell him that, now agreed, is the time YOU will be eating your freshly prepared hot dinner & if he's not there, he can eat his alone, reheated when he get home.

what happens when you can't be bothered to cook a roast, or don't fancy one?? I could not be done with the expectation (OR the cooking to be honest).

Noodles on toast???? What even made you think of that? Do you mean tinned spaghetti on toast?

Have to admit if I were OP I’d have expected a string of LTB responses validating ( aka inflaming) her annoyance to crisis point. Am pleasantly surprised how many can see not every issue needs to ignite WW3 by standing indignantly on ceremony and diktat, and that sometimes relationships are a bit of give and take on the smaller issues. Perhaps 2024 is set to be a year of more moderated responses. Just ask him when he’d like it OP. If he chooses a time but is still late, post again. But I quite like a later big meal as then you can just have a bowl of cereal/slice of toast for supper ready for the week. That’s what we do if we have a Sunday pub lunch.

One weekend agree dinner ay 1 as usual and instead take yourself to the local pub for a roast there. When he gets home to no roast because he wasn’t home at the agreed time he might start valuing your time and effort as much as he values his time and friends.

We gave up Sunday lunch after the boys started rugby. We liked to socialise after training/matches and if I went home early to do dinner then I would have missed out. We still have Sunday dinner now even though the Sunday rugby has long passed.
Maybe you should give it a try, or make lunch a little later

Oh and it sounds like 1pm isn’t a valid answer for what time he’d like it as it isn’t working!

You are taking my words entirely out of context. The OP is describing a meal prepared for two people. If for example a person living alone invites a guest for 1 pm lunch and the guest arrives at 1.30 then yes, going ahead and eating it alone while a second plate of food goes cold on the side is a joyless experience.

As I said in my post, all of this could be avoided by simply waiting to do the veg when her DH arrives home. I believe golf was mentioned, I know from experience it can be tricky to estimate the exact time of getting home despite best intentions.

@MatildaTheCat

here we can see that I didn't take your words out of context at all! There may have been more in your head, but you didn't say it.

Curry Supernoodles on toast is food of the gods!!

Just make it a bit later. Let dh enjoy a bit of socialising. The world won’t end if you eat a little bit later.

Apologies op.

Say you’ll make it for whatever time he wants, but that is the time you’ll be eating. It’s his choice whether he wants to eat with his wife or on his own.

I would agree a time and then prep food to be ready an hour later than agreed time without telling him 👍🏻

I suspect my dcs would love it

1 does not work. Have a sandwich at 1. Do the prep for the roast. Chill out and do your own thing in the afternoon. Eat at 6.

Don't offer. Tell him you won't do it gor 1. It does not work.

Ipm isnt working for you why are you so rigid on 1pm? I couldnt eat a big roast then anywat. Its too early.

Even if you were insisting on the time, he's an adult. He can choose whether to be there or have his later, or say he'll sort himself something else all together. Still rude to expect the person doing the cooking not to eat when they are ready to!

I'd rather have no roast at all than a microwaved one - no way I'd be waiting for him.

I remember my mum delivering dad his dinner to the pub one Sunday, she was sick of him saying he would be on time then not turning up. Apparently he ate the lot and thanked her very politely. He was on time the next week😂

Read the thready, @Maddy70 !! At the very least, click on 'See all' and read ALL the OP's posts, one of which (31/12/2023 13:57) said:

"... - to reiterate - he asks for the roast to be ready for 1.00. He does not want it later, at 2 or in the evening. I have offered."

It's 'cancel the cheque' all over again.