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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Roast dinner at 1 - which of us is being rude?

338 replies

Rachellllleeee · 31/12/2023 13:21

Lighthearted.

I always do a roast dinner on Sundays for 1.00. Always have - we've been married for 30 years and kids have now left home.

DH is frequently late. He does an activity on Sunday morning, he could easily be back in time, but chooses to socialise after.

I spend around 2 hours preparing and cooking the dinner. Sometimes it's slightly later than 1.00 because it's not an exact science even after all of these years.

If DH is late, I start to eat mine. I'm not waiting for him to finish chatting whilst my lovely roast dinner cools on the side, to microwave it when he eventually turns up.

He thinks I'm being rude by starting without him. He thinks I should wait and reheat both dinners if he's late.

AIBU?

OP posts:
itsmylife7 · 31/12/2023 15:45

Yanbu or rude at all.

Itslegitimatesalvage · 31/12/2023 15:47

Why? Why can’t you just let people enjoy their weekend? Most clubs and things for adults are weekend morning. Why should he rush that because you insist on a roast lunch at 1. Don’t you every do anything on a Sunday? Bit sad really.

DustyLee123 · 31/12/2023 15:47

I think you’re being unreasonable to provide a full meal at dinner time.

JurassicParkaha · 31/12/2023 15:47

He's not back 'on time' - the time here should be based on what you know he'll do (after 30 years) rather than what he says he'll do.

Tell him roast will be ready for 2 (or whatever time he tells you), and then plan for it to be ready for 2.30-2.45. If he actually makes it back in time, you can both share a drink or a cuppa as you wait for it to cook. It doesn't have to be ready for when he walks in the door, it isn't the 1950s! And if that's what he wants the onus will be on him to show up on time else he waits around (like he would even in a restaurant).

This way you both get to actually eat a hot freshly cooked meal together which I think should be the goal. But I agree expecting you to wait around and microwave a meal isn't the answer.

Nanny0gg · 31/12/2023 15:48

Lucytheloose · 31/12/2023 13:59

Why can't you have lunch at 2pm, will the world explode or something?

It wouldn't explode if you read the OP's posts where she's explained this. More than once.

Nanny0gg · 31/12/2023 15:49

Itslegitimatesalvage · 31/12/2023 15:47

Why? Why can’t you just let people enjoy their weekend? Most clubs and things for adults are weekend morning. Why should he rush that because you insist on a roast lunch at 1. Don’t you every do anything on a Sunday? Bit sad really.

Read her posts.

She doesn't want him to rush anything...

ObliviousCoalmine · 31/12/2023 15:50

You're both ridiculous.

Nanny0gg · 31/12/2023 15:51

OhwhyOY · 31/12/2023 15:17

I think you are being rude to not wait for him but he is being much more rude to not respect your time and effort by showing up on time. Therefore YANBU.

As she's the one that's cooked for an agreed time! I don't think she's the rude one...

Daisyislazy · 31/12/2023 15:51

Get a takeaway

369damnshesfine · 31/12/2023 15:53

Itslegitimatesalvage · 31/12/2023 15:47

Why? Why can’t you just let people enjoy their weekend? Most clubs and things for adults are weekend morning. Why should he rush that because you insist on a roast lunch at 1. Don’t you every do anything on a Sunday? Bit sad really.

Perhaps RTFT.

DelphiniumBlue · 31/12/2023 15:53

As you say , cooking a roast is not an exact science...but any roast you can cook the meat and leave it to stand for an hour plus. Spuds are ready when they're ready, but you can easily take them out a bit early and put them back when you put the veg on.. which you can do once DH arrives back home.
Or just have ready for 1.30 or 2, you don't have to tell DH that plan.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 31/12/2023 15:54

IMO 1 pm is always too early for a Sunday roast.
If it really must be at lunchtime, 2 or 2.30 is much more civilised IMO, in that most people will be that much more ready for it, and having it in the early evening, say at 6 ish, is better still, and leaves most of the day clear.
You sound very rigid, OP.

369damnshesfine · 31/12/2023 15:55

margotrose · 31/12/2023 15:39

But it clearly doesn't work if he's never back on time and she ends up eating alone while his goes cold Confused

Show quote history

But presumably she’s got things to be getting on with and not sat at home waiting for DH to get home so she can finally eat.

He wants it for 1.
He’s happy to continue having it ready by 1.

She gets it’s ready by 1 but he wants her to not eat it until he is home.

So he expects her to sit at home waiting for him to return and then reheat it and eat it together.

He either needs to be on time or eat by himself.
OP is not there simply to wait on him hand and foot.

ArcaneWireless · 31/12/2023 16:08

What is a bit sad really is that he has asked for his lunch at 1 and can’t be arsed coming home for the time he has asked for his dinner.

More sad is that he is nipping at OP for starting without him as she doesn’t want a fresh meal spoiling for her. He can do as he pleases if he can’t be there on time.

As can she.

TheGoodEnoughWife · 31/12/2023 16:19

Itslegitimatesalvage · 31/12/2023 15:47

Why? Why can’t you just let people enjoy their weekend? Most clubs and things for adults are weekend morning. Why should he rush that because you insist on a roast lunch at 1. Don’t you every do anything on a Sunday? Bit sad really.

Why? Why can't you read the OPs posts? He agrees with 1pm dinner. The OP doesn't care if he is later she just wants to eat her dinner hot when it is made.

Itslegitimatesalvage · 31/12/2023 16:28

TheGoodEnoughWife · 31/12/2023 16:19

Why? Why can't you read the OPs posts? He agrees with 1pm dinner. The OP doesn't care if he is later she just wants to eat her dinner hot when it is made.

Show quote history

The OP’s first post was all about how she has always done dinner for 1pm on a Sunday, through their whole marriage and with the kids and still does it. She only started saying that she is happy to move the time once she got responses saying she was wrong. Given how insistent she was in her OP that is has always been 1pm for 30 years, I don’t believe that she is offering her husband a genuine option of having it later. It’s probably one of those, “well, we can have it later but I’ll be in a mood about it every week” offers.

If she was genuine, she’d have said it in her OP rather than being so insistent that it’s 1pm and always has been.

Original poster
Rachellllleeee · 31/12/2023 16:33

@Itslegitimatesalvage oh if only I was as wise as you Grin

Thank you to all of those who agree that IANBU.

To those who think IABU - please read the updates. I've agreed that the first post was badly worded. Bottom line is - we agree dinner at a time. He's not here at that time. He thinks I'm rude for starting without him - I think he's rude for being late to a time that he agreed would be ok.

OP posts:
ArcaneWireless · 31/12/2023 16:40

But we can only take what is posted as the story. Even if it in a subsequent post.

If it stands to reason that nothing is to be believed unless it is in the first post,. Op just said he does an activity.

To be consistently late, it could well be that the activity involves Barbara from number 11 upside down round the bins at Lidl rather than a chinwag at the golf club. Which was only mentioned in a later post.

We could all make up pish to fit our narrative. Only the OP knows what the score is.

ArcaneWireless · 31/12/2023 16:41

Sorry @Rachellllleeee 😉

BudgetFoodie · 31/12/2023 16:42

You both sound inflexible!!!

Original poster
Rachellllleeee · 31/12/2023 16:43

ArcaneWireless · 31/12/2023 16:41

Sorry @Rachellllleeee 😉

You could be on to something. I always thought that Barbara at number 11 was a bit suspect. Grin

OP posts:
mamacorn1 · 31/12/2023 16:44

I’d move it to 2pm
and if he is late after that I would eat without him

youveturnedupwelldone · 31/12/2023 16:52

What happens if you don't cook the roast at all?

Original poster
Rachellllleeee · 31/12/2023 16:55

youveturnedupwelldone · 31/12/2023 16:52

What happens if you don't cook the roast at all?

Then I don't get a roast dinner! I don't mind doing it, I don't mind him reheating and eating it whenever he wants, I just object to him saying I'm rude for eating it at the time we said we would!

OP posts:
cunningartificer · 31/12/2023 17:25

Honestly, if I invite someone for lunch at 1 p.m. I don't have it on the table as they walk in the door, and perhaps you shouldn't do this for your husband as well. If you left a little slack time for a drink and chat when he comes in then you could eat together at 1.30 with less clock watching. You say he'd be later if you pushed back the time but it doesn't sound as though you've actually tried that, more that you're assuming it would be the case. Why not try saying 'obviously it's a bit of a rush for you after the game so why don't we push back lunch to 1.30' then plan for 1.45, with loving greetings and a drink to fill in 15 mins should he unexpectedly arrive on time. I agree it is disrespectful to be consistently late if you've agreed a time but also it is Sunday and it doesn't sound like a very restful situation for either of you at the moment! Surely eating together is nicer all round?