Roast dinner at 1 - which of us is being rude?

[Rachellllleeee]

Lighthearted.

I always do a roast dinner on Sundays for 1.00. Always have - we've been married for 30 years and kids have now left home.

DH is frequently late. He does an activity on Sunday morning, he could easily be back in time, but chooses to socialise after.

I spend around 2 hours preparing and cooking the dinner. Sometimes it's slightly later than 1.00 because it's not an exact science even after all of these years.

If DH is late, I start to eat mine. I'm not waiting for him to finish chatting whilst my lovely roast dinner cools on the side, to microwave it when he eventually turns up.

He thinks I'm being rude by starting without him. He thinks I should wait and reheat both dinners if he's late.

AIBU?

His actions are telling you he doesn't want a roast at 1pm. Whatever he says, he doesn't want the roast at 1pm. Take the chance and adjust.

Yes you could move it to teatime, but equally he could be at home for 1.

Tbh your dinner, you cooked it so you eat when you want. When he cooks the roast he can dictate what time he eats

It’s a home, not like school canteen where lunch occurs on a bell and if you snooze you lose, so I’d definitely give him some leeway and keep things warm for a bit. Maybe 15 mins. Then I’d eat without him.

Also, could you let us know how late he actually is? Are we taking five minutes late or half an hour? I think that makes a slight difference, again. Differences in how people view time means that for some up to ten minutes later than arranged is still roughly on time while for others not being five minutes early is actually late...

She’s making dinner either way why not let him socialise. If this was a man curtailing his wife’s social life by refusing to cook later I’m sure you’d have plenty to say.

For me it’s a strange time Sunday roast (to cover lunch and dinner) is normally anywhere between 1430 and 1530 if it was me I would have zero interest in it at 1300, I would rather heat it up later but wouldn’t care if you wanted to have it earlier

Get yourself a hobby on Sunday mornings too. Arrive back at lunchtime and play a game of dare who cooks enjoy cooking the meal together

I'd cook it I would eat mine at the agreed time, and then I would probably fuck off out to get on with my own thing/get busy with my own thing... and see if THEN it sinks in?

YANBU, he is being very rude!

YANBU, and tbh, I wouldn't be waiting every week for DH to come home before I ate, even if the temperature of the food wasn't an issue. Even if I'm eating a cold sandwich, I usually want to eat around the same time every day, not an hour later or whenever he finally makes it home. It's not a problem for either of us to eat the occasional meal at different times.

I'd wait if he were running late for a special occasion or due to an unpreventable delay, but late every week, by choice? No way!

YANBU. It sounds like he doesn’t appreciate your efforts. Does he ever cook, OP?

He's not really agreeing - OP has made it clear she is not willing to negotiate a time. It must be 1pm.

OK, I've read all of OP posts now - only read a couple before. She does a spectacular U turn after nearly every poster points out she is BU.

I would agree to move it to a slightly later time but eat mine when it was ready whether he’s there or not - you have offered a compromise and he’s still late then that’s on him

@Rachellllleeee I don't see anything rude in what you're doing at all - if anything your husband is being extremely rude by not respecting the time and effort you put in to making a lovely dinner each week and being on time for it!
👍

This! ⬆️

Your husband is being unreasonable in expecting you to wait & re-heat both plates but you're being unreasonable in rigidly sticking to a 1pm lunch just because it's what you've always done!

Surely there's a compromise? You're both adults with no-one else to take into account except yourselves!

Where did you get that from? The OP has started in this thread several times she's happy to do it later but HE wants it at 1pm 😂

You don’t like him doing this hobby do you?

You’re being absolutely ridiculous. Either make lunch for 2 or do something different and nice for yourself whilst he’s out. Or are you just trying to punish him?

The OP is NOT rigidly sticking to her guns re the time - she's offered to cook for a later time. Get hubby wants it to stay at 1pm! 😂

I think you’ve let the cat out of the bag there. A “pass” indeed.

too many people I know have to account for every second of their time and when they are out of the house they are on some kind of stop watch/curfew. It’s vile.

when my DP goes out I do not give a shit when they choose to come back. If they say they will be back at 2 and don’t appear till 3 or 4pm I do not give a shit. I don’t understand the need people have to control others.

if food has been made just reheat it. If you know a meal has been cooked just message each other when out and about.

if a roast has been cooked for 1pm and I’m going to be home about 1.30 I’ll message to say that and my DP will either start without me or wait depending on whatever suits.

these things don’t have to be an issue.

Then he warms his up later and is really rude

I would remind him before he leaves next week when you are sorting out times. 'Are you sure you want 1pm, remember last week you found it rude when I started without you, I can do it for 1.30 if it means we definitely get to eat together? If you're not back for 130 I will be eating'

Etc etc.

Can posters not understand this?! OP has said she's not rigid on the time, it's her DH that says he wants dinner at 1pm and then is most often late because he finds it hard to leave the social (bizarre) and then calls her rude for not waiting for him because she doesn't want to reheat her dinner.

He's the one being rude and disrespectful OP. If he wants his dinner at 1pm on the dot then he bloody needs to make sure he's home in time for it!!!

It wasn't in the original post that he wants dinner at 1pm though, so it reads as though it's the OP who is being inflexible (not everybody reads through all the comments). I agree that he is absolutely out of order arranging a time with the OP and then being late, so rude.

He's the one being rude if expects you to wait to eat even though he is late despite saying he wants to eat at 1.