Roast dinner at 1 - which of us is being rude?

[Rachellllleeee]

Lighthearted.

I always do a roast dinner on Sundays for 1.00. Always have - we've been married for 30 years and kids have now left home.

DH is frequently late. He does an activity on Sunday morning, he could easily be back in time, but chooses to socialise after.

I spend around 2 hours preparing and cooking the dinner. Sometimes it's slightly later than 1.00 because it's not an exact science even after all of these years.

If DH is late, I start to eat mine. I'm not waiting for him to finish chatting whilst my lovely roast dinner cools on the side, to microwave it when he eventually turns up.

He thinks I'm being rude by starting without him. He thinks I should wait and reheat both dinners if he's late.

AIBU?

So does he control everything....tell him when you want to cook it he's your husband not god....if he's a coercive controlling arse and this is one thing if many change it.
Get yourself an activity and go out.....he can cook if he wants it at one.
Don't moan about it but not change things or next week you will be annoyed again.

But you don't seem to want to tell us how late he actually is. 1.10pm? 1.30? 2.30?
If he was 15 mins late and you already dished up yours and ate then maybe you could have waited for him, if he's an hour late then fair enough.

Or switch it to the evening and let him make it?!

Then say if you want to eat with me leave on time and show me I'm as important as your mates or skip the 19th hole.

That would drive me mad and your husband is being very unreasonable. He is the rude one, not you. I would say to him that if it is important to him that the two of you eat together on a Sunday, but he is unable to commit to a time, then a roast dinner just doesn't work. Ask him to choose between a reheated roast on his own, or something else that can sit on the stove until he comes home.

Just tell him you’ll make a deal with him. He turns up at the time he tells you he’s going to be home (whatever time he wants that to be) and you’ll stop eating without him.

If he tells you that he just finds it too hard to say goodbye to his golf mates, then tell him that you just find it too hard to watch a lovely roast dinner go cold.

Christ. What a miserable way to live.

She says hubby doesn't want it later....he sounds like a controlling arse probably expecting her to serve him etc.

Well he can't insist on his roast dinner at 1 if he's not there at 1. Just put your foot down.

I'd be telling I'm to make his own lunch.

Just make it later one day and he’ll be home. Are you both petty about various things or just this?

Just stop.

Tell him how disrespectful it is and that you won't do it anymore

I love the phrase your dinner is in the dog ....I so want to use it

This. This is perfect. Is there any reason why he won't accept this OP?

I assume this is a joke?

Or have I actually stepped back in time to the 1920s

As others have suggested, have it ready for 1.30 but let him assume it's still 1.30. Stick to that time from now on and if he moves the goalposts again, he can eat a warmed-up roast on his own. Forever.

Totally
He's disrespectful

Yabu. If he frequently has a commitment on Sundays and so is always late why not make the dinner for a time he will definitely be back each week and therefore this problem is completely gone 🙂

It's entirely up to the DH if he's home at the time he's asked dinner to be ready for or not, if he wants to eat at the same time as the OP he has a simple choice - say goodbye to his golfing chums in time to get home, or ask for lunch a bit later and don't stretch out the time at the club.

If I was the op I'd probably say that lunch is at one but time it for half past. Then if he happens to arrive back for 1pm he can lay the table, pour some sherry or make a cup of tea or suchlike. Or just wait - as he seems to expect the op to do - but at least not waiting while dinner cools.

How is it petty to have dinner made at the agreed time and eat it?

What if he doesn’t come home until 6pm, is she not allowed to eat until then?

Do you seriously wait for your DH all day until you can cook and eat?

OP should not spend her life waiting on DH just because the poor man doesn’t want to eat alone.

Or even your dinner.....

I love this Nagado - I think this is the way forward.

Wouldn’t it just be easier all round for the OP to make and eat dinner at a time that works for both people? She’s presumably stewing with stored up annoyance as she cooks for two hours while checking the time, then eating it alone if he hasn’t shown, and is angry enough to start a thread on here — it’s not as if the status quo is making her happy either…

I agree with a PP who said the problem was that you sounded rigid when you first posted. Now your husband is the rigid one, wanting his wife to watch her dinner get cold then eat an inferior microwaved version of it. He's completely unreasonable.

You are still refusing to believe OP when she says he would be late no matter what time was agreed.

You are making up almost all of that post.

But @Mantling - if he says 1.00 works for him, is that not what I'm
doing already?