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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Roast dinner at 1 - which of us is being rude?

338 replies

Rachellllleeee · 31/12/2023 13:21

Lighthearted.

I always do a roast dinner on Sundays for 1.00. Always have - we've been married for 30 years and kids have now left home.

DH is frequently late. He does an activity on Sunday morning, he could easily be back in time, but chooses to socialise after.

I spend around 2 hours preparing and cooking the dinner. Sometimes it's slightly later than 1.00 because it's not an exact science even after all of these years.

If DH is late, I start to eat mine. I'm not waiting for him to finish chatting whilst my lovely roast dinner cools on the side, to microwave it when he eventually turns up.

He thinks I'm being rude by starting without him. He thinks I should wait and reheat both dinners if he's late.

AIBU?

OP posts:
commonground · 31/12/2023 15:01

https://www.instagram.com/reel/C0ak7E4NtBb/

Do a David Beckham and make it just for yourself.

Instagram

https://www.instagram.com/reel/C0ak7E4NtBb

Namerequired · 31/12/2023 15:03

I don’t know why people aren’t reading your post right, especially your updates.
If he’s not there to eat the dinner at his agreed time then he has no business saying you shouldn’t eat without him. He’s the rude one. The fact you are fine with him being late and reheating his in the microwave after you making it fresh, is gracious enough. No way would I be waiting and microwaving mine after I went to all that bother.

Mantling · 31/12/2023 15:04

Rachellllleeee · 31/12/2023 15:01

But @Mantling - if he says 1.00 works for him, is that not what I'm
doing already?

Well, are you happy with the status quo, @Rachellllleeee? I mean, are you happy to spend the next 30 years cooking roasts on Sunday mornings to a schedule your DH may or may not show up for?

The fact you’ve posted on here about it suggests not.

ForTonightGodisaDJ · 31/12/2023 15:06

I think it's best to make it for 1.30 or 2pm. If he's not back by then all bets are off! 😂

ForTonightGodisaDJ · 31/12/2023 15:08

Sorry I didn't read the updates... all bets are off!

Original poster
Rachellllleeee · 31/12/2023 15:10

@Mantling I love a roast, and I'd cook one just for me if necessary. I'll happily cook a roast and plate it up for DH to eat whatever time he likes - I'm just not going to plate mine up and let it go cold (and then be called rude!) - when we both agreed a time. Crispy roast potatoes and Yorkshire puddings, are so much nicer than soggy microwaved ones!

I did say this thread is lighthearted- you don't get to 40 years together / 30 married by taking the hump over every little thing. I won't be LTB or even TAL over this, don't worry!

OP posts:
PurpleWhirple · 31/12/2023 15:11

DobbyRuth · 31/12/2023 13:29

OP, I’m with you! It’s been agreed as 1pm, it is rude to be late. For goodness sake, OP has been slaving away in the kitchen and her DH is off having a jolly old time with his mates and doesn’t even have the decency to up to his dinner, which he hasn’t lifted a finger for, on time?! I’d be fuming too. I fume every time my own DH magically needs to go to the bathroom the very second I plate up, every day!

THIS.

ButterfliesandMoths · 31/12/2023 15:14

No you are not being unreasonable.
You both agree on a time. If he can't be bothered to get home in time then he is eating his dinner alone and can warm it up in microwave. No way would I be sitting around watching my dinner go cold.

LinnieM · 31/12/2023 15:16

ShirleyPhallus · 31/12/2023 13:26

Sometimes I think other peoples relationships are just so weird. Now is one of those times. Poor husband.

😂

OhwhyOY · 31/12/2023 15:17

I think you are being rude to not wait for him but he is being much more rude to not respect your time and effort by showing up on time. Therefore YANBU.

commonsense61 · 31/12/2023 15:19

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Iamnotalemming · 31/12/2023 15:19

YANBU.

Only suggestion would be to actually make dinner for 30 mins later than he has said, and just not tell him until he gets back. If he gets stroppy tell him it's because he is so unreliable.

snowitall · 31/12/2023 15:21

1pm is so early for a Sunday lunch! I would switch to 2pm.

GothConversionTherapy · 31/12/2023 15:25

YANBU, at first I thought you were delightfully bonkers (I know someone who has to eat lunch 12:30 on the dot every single day), but it turns out he's just a garden-variety inconsiderate husband. Hopefully he'll see the error of his ways.

spanishviola · 31/12/2023 15:26

Why don’t you just agree 1pm and then plan it to serve it later, when he gets back, as you know he won’t be home in time? It seems daft to stick to something that doesn’t seem to work for either of you. If it’s not ready when he’s back then he’ll have to wait but at least you’ll get to eat together.

369damnshesfine · 31/12/2023 15:26

Mantling · 31/12/2023 14:58

Wouldn’t it just be easier all round for the OP to make and eat dinner at a time that works for both people? She’s presumably stewing with stored up annoyance as she cooks for two hours while checking the time, then eating it alone if he hasn’t shown, and is angry enough to start a thread on here — it’s not as if the status quo is making her happy either…

Show quote history

This time works for OP and her DH, which is why he’s asked her to make it for this time.

If it works for them both, why change it.

She’s just not going to wait until he decides to come home to eat, which I don’t blame her for.

ArcaneWireless · 31/12/2023 15:28

Yadnbu OP.

He asks for it at 1, if he chooses not to come home at 1, then why should you wait? You say you could agree 2, and he would probably come late for that too.

You are not the rude one here!

He could always cook the whole meal when he gets back from his activity if he is insistent you wait for him. 😏

HoldMeCloserTonyDancer · 31/12/2023 15:28

Why keep cooking it for 1pm when you know he’s not going to be there? Chill out with some wine and have the dinner ready later.

GothConversionTherapy · 31/12/2023 15:28

spanishviola · 31/12/2023 15:26

Why don’t you just agree 1pm and then plan it to serve it later, when he gets back, as you know he won’t be home in time? It seems daft to stick to something that doesn’t seem to work for either of you. If it’s not ready when he’s back then he’ll have to wait but at least you’ll get to eat together.

Probably because he's not a child and shouldn't be pandered to like that.

Lovemusic82 · 31/12/2023 15:29

Make dinner for 1.30 but tell him it will be ready at 1, then he might actually get back before 1.30 when you dish up?

I think you both need to compromise.

NoMoreFalafelsForYou · 31/12/2023 15:36

@Rachellllleeee

No, I don't have to do a dinner, we both just like it once a week and I have the opportunity whilst he's out at his activity. It just annoys me that he agrees a time to be back and then doesn't stick to it. If we said 1.30 he'd see it as a pass until 2
...

So do dinner for 2pm but tell him it's for half one, that way he's not late as he'll rock up at the right time?!
Can you tell I'm used to dealing with those who take the piss with time lol

JennyGracexx · 31/12/2023 15:36

Bit of both- you could push it back by an hour to give him a bit more time, but then he could be more considerate and make sure he's back on time knowing that you've put the effort into cooking for you both. Might just be me, but 1pm seems really early for a roast anyway?

margotrose · 31/12/2023 15:39

369damnshesfine · 31/12/2023 15:26

This time works for OP and her DH, which is why he’s asked her to make it for this time.

If it works for them both, why change it.

She’s just not going to wait until he decides to come home to eat, which I don’t blame her for.

Show quote history

But it clearly doesn't work if he's never back on time and she ends up eating alone while his goes cold Confused

Bournetilly · 31/12/2023 15:42

YANBU. Tell him you are doing it for 1 but really do it for 1:30 or 2 depending on how late he is.

ChocolateCinderToffee · 31/12/2023 15:44

I would book myself into the nearest gastropub for lunch and leave him a sandwich. Seriously. Or can you join him at the nineteenth hole and eat there?