Page 11 | CF ILS - anyone else want to vent?

CheshGirl · 2023-12-31T11:44:51+00:00

Cooked and hosted Christmas dinner for in-laws as well as my family including my 2 small children (also currently 12 weeks pregnant). In-laws asked what they could "bring" earlier in Dec, I said nothing really as I had it ordered from Ocado. By this MIL assumed it was all prepared as her response was "how lovely, Christmas in a box", throughout the day she continued to question what I had made and what had come "done". We agreed they would bring "drinks"... Considering there were 7 adults and 2 children, any guesses what they turned up with...?!

Nanaof1 · 02/01/2024 05:39

TravellingSpoon · 31/12/2023 16:10

I still host my Ex-H and Ex-MIL for Christmas (done in the spirit of co-parenting a disabled child).

This year Ex-MIL tried to take one of DD's gifts with her for a friends grandchild, as that child would aparently 'really love it' (DD also loved the gift!), she complained about how I had cooked the gammon but then preceeded to eat the lions share of it. She also said she would bring the cranberry sauce and instead bought redcurrant jelly as she thought it was better (err, no!).

She was also full of cold but didnt say anything until she arrived.

Good to read that she only "tried" to take one of your DD's gifts.

That would set me off.

You are also a better person than I. I would not include "feeding ex and exmil" as a co-parenting spirit. For me, that's just a bridge too far.

Santina · 02/01/2024 05:55

What did your parents bring, help with on the day, make comment on? Or is this just another boring in-laws bashing. ?

Snowdogsmitten · 02/01/2024 06:17

Santina · 02/01/2024 05:55

What did your parents bring, help with on the day, make comment on? Or is this just another boring in-laws bashing. ?

Sometimes in-laws are twats. It can be a difficult relationship. Why are you taking that personally?

Emotionalsupportviper · 02/01/2024 07:18

Thefsm · 02/01/2024 00:29

My in laws hosted us and paid for all the food etc which was lovely. The thing I would like to rant about is that my mother in law called my sons girlfriend fat and went on a fatist tirade which thank god she didn’t hear because my son would never have spoken to his grandmother again. She also mentioned casually while I was making breakfast for myself that she was disappointed I hadn’t taken the events of last Christmas as an opportunity to make life changes because maybe my husband would t have had his head turned if I lost weight and kept a tidier house. Bear in mind last Christmas I found proof he was having an affair with his coworker and ended up spending new year in a psych ward for my own safety as I was so broken. She also likes to mention that it was a terrible waste of money doing that and I should have just come to her house instead.

oh and my father in law who is usually lovely refused to call my oldest by their chosen name or pronouns and told my husband we were stupid for coddling them and allowing them to think they were trans. So weird and not like his normal mild mannered character.

such a relief to be done for another year.

oh and my father in law who is usually lovely refused to call my oldest by their chosen name or pronouns and told my husband we were stupid for coddling them and allowing them to think they were trans. So weird and not like his normal mild mannered character.

I'm on your FIL's side here.

People don't change sex.

GrottySnotty · 02/01/2024 10:04

Your in-laws sound really unpleasant @Thefsm - it astonishes me that people can get to a certain age but still not have grasped that they don't need to (and shouldn't) share everything that comes into their head.
At least you know how they think 💐, I would only be spending the bare minimum of time with them now.

Jewel52 · 02/01/2024 11:19

Yalta · 31/12/2023 11:59

Why would your mil think that ordering from Ocado meant getting everything prepared
Did you not explain that Ocado was just a supermarket delivery system

Also wondering why they are CFs whatever they turned up with as you already said everything was covered

Or is this one of those times when you say one thing but mean another and you expect people to know you are lying

They were asked to bring drinks, not food. How is this difficult for you to grasp?

Jewel52 · 02/01/2024 11:21

MiIIieee · 31/12/2023 12:05

I'm guessing nothing as you told them not to bring anything....but now you're annoyed at that?

Ffs THEY WERE TOLD TO BRING DRINKS

MiIIieee · 02/01/2024 12:00

Jewel52 · 02/01/2024 11:21

Ffs THEY WERE TOLD TO BRING DRINKS

Show quote history

FFS 2 MESSAGES BELOW MY MESSAGE SAYS SORRY I JUST SEEN THEY WERE TOLD TO BRING DRINKS. Chill your beans 🤣

ManateeFair · 02/01/2024 12:22

CheshGirl · 31/12/2023 16:30

As I said, we agreed they would do drinks.

They turned up with one bottle of Hardy's Pinot - £5

She preceded to drink all of my alcohol free Buck's Fizz (this is all I had as I'm pregnant)
he drank countless beers and then they finished the night with a bottle of Prosecco out of my fridge that I just luckily had in.

I'm amazed that there are people tying themselves in knots to defend this.

OP, you are absolutely right: your in-laws are tighter than a duck's arse.

If it's any consolation, my colleague has just told me that her own parents, having promised to bring 'the extra treats' for Christmas Day and Boxing Day, knowing that my colleague was catering for 12 people, arrived bearing one box of After Eights.

Ladybirder · 02/01/2024 13:56

ManateeFair · 02/01/2024 12:22

I'm amazed that there are people tying themselves in knots to defend this.

OP, you are absolutely right: your in-laws are tighter than a duck's arse.

If it's any consolation, my colleague has just told me that her own parents, having promised to bring 'the extra treats' for Christmas Day and Boxing Day, knowing that my colleague was catering for 12 people, arrived bearing one box of After Eights.

Show quote history

One box of after eights 😂im not sure why that’s made me laugh! that’s the most basic box of chocs you could take (and I love an after eight!).

Original poster

CheshGirl · 02/01/2024 14:26

Santina · 02/01/2024 05:55

What did your parents bring, help with on the day, make comment on? Or is this just another boring in-laws bashing. ?

My mum came, brought
Treats for Xmas night
Homemade mince pies
Homemade clementine cake
Bread rolls for Xmas sandwiches later
My favourite family size pork pie from the local butcher

Did all of the washing up/dishwasher loading while I was bathing the children and putting them to bed.

OP posts:

threatmatrix · 02/01/2024 14:28

I wish people could read 🙄

Santina · 02/01/2024 17:41

CheshGirl · 02/01/2024 14:26

My mum came, brought
Treats for Xmas night
Homemade mince pies
Homemade clementine cake
Bread rolls for Xmas sandwiches later
My favourite family size pork pie from the local butcher

Did all of the washing up/dishwasher loading while I was bathing the children and putting them to bed.

Show quote history

So cake, mince pies, rolls and pork pie saved the day.🙄 If I invite people to my house I wouldn't expect them to bring anything, especially from my late MIL.

Maybe with your attitude, she didn't feel comfortable bathing the children, maybe she can feel you watching and judging? Funny how a lot of women on here favor their own parents over their husband's. Does your husband feel the same about your parents, or does he just keep his opinion to himself. One day, you will be a MIL, I do hope for your sake you don't have girls.

Yalta · 02/01/2024 18:22

I think you need to specify exactly what you want because when people start by saying they have everything and then say bring drinks I must admit I would have brought a bottle of wine or even just a couple of bottles of Tango

Or I go overboard not wanting to appear like I didn’t understand the brief and end up feeling foolish because I have brought so much

I don’t know how people can tell what the difference is.
Now if someone wants me to bring something I ask them to be specific

SoreAndTired1 · 02/01/2024 18:58

And your husband said.....

what, to you?!???

You have not even once said a single thing about him or what he said or thought.

Why is that?

They're his parents. So?!???? ....... ??????

????

SeasideA · 02/01/2024 19:15

Discussion is to vent at frustrations over ILs at Christmas. So if anyone wants to then vent, if not you are on the wrong chat. I would suggest I you post on the I love PIL, ILs are amazing, couldn’t have wished for a better MIL chats instead! Not everyone’s lives are the same. Sometimes it’s just good to vent and get things off your chest. Not everyone rubs along with PIL.

LonelynSad · 02/01/2024 19:25

@Thefsm
Yeah your MIL is vile but I agree with your FIL, sorry

Original poster

CheshGirl · 02/01/2024 20:05

MIL or FIL have zero interest in the children, they don't offer to play, bathe or ever visit them.

The only thing MIL asked in relation to them is what time the children wake as they will need to "barricade their door" (yes - they stayed the night), as they don't like to be woken before 9am.

OP posts:

allmyliesaretrue · 02/01/2024 21:13

Two suggestions -

(my favourite) - don't host the grabbing bastards again;
give them a specific list of exactly what you want them to bring.

They knew damn well what they were doing. I wouldn't have it.

ILs used to arrive with both arms the one length, but at least I never bothered to ask them to bring anything because I knew it would be crap.

Bellyrumble · 02/01/2024 21:25

They were CF but you are also a CF to expect them to provide lunch when providing free childcare to you.

my DS is in full time paid childcare and I send a packed lunch with him. He gets dinner there which I don’t send

the odd day if my mum had him I would always send a packed lunch, a prepared dinner (usually leftovers from the night before) and many snacks (for both of them). If ever I ran out of food I would give mum money take treat them both to lunch. YABU to expect GPs to feed your child unless they specifically say they want to.

MIL. Saved you a job by saying low on wipes, saved you needing to check the changing bag! Mine used to do the same or text if she forgot

allmyliesaretrue · 02/01/2024 21:29

Bellyrumble · 02/01/2024 21:25

They were CF but you are also a CF to expect them to provide lunch when providing free childcare to you.

my DS is in full time paid childcare and I send a packed lunch with him. He gets dinner there which I don’t send

the odd day if my mum had him I would always send a packed lunch, a prepared dinner (usually leftovers from the night before) and many snacks (for both of them). If ever I ran out of food I would give mum money take treat them both to lunch. YABU to expect GPs to feed your child unless they specifically say they want to.

MIL. Saved you a job by saying low on wipes, saved you needing to check the changing bag! Mine used to do the same or text if she forgot

I totally disagree with you! Surely a well-off set of gps could keep that sort of thing in their own house and feed their grandchild now and again. It's ridiculous.

I certainly never sent a packed lunch to paid childcare either. Your provider is having a fucking laugh!

wronginalltherightways · 02/01/2024 22:43

What does your husband think of his parents' behaviour when it comes to his children?

Original poster

CheshGirl · 03/01/2024 15:05

My husband has s upset by their behaviour but says he's used to it, recalls feeling hungry and living frugally as a child and painfully thin as a teen.

Bought Hotel Chocolat crackers for on the table, and generally everyone left the chocs on the table and nibbled on them throughout the afternoon. When she pulled her cracker, she put the chocolates straight in her handbag

OP posts:

Original poster

CheshGirl · 03/01/2024 15:07

Bellyrumble · 02/01/2024 21:25

They were CF but you are also a CF to expect them to provide lunch when providing free childcare to you.

my DS is in full time paid childcare and I send a packed lunch with him. He gets dinner there which I don’t send

the odd day if my mum had him I would always send a packed lunch, a prepared dinner (usually leftovers from the night before) and many snacks (for both of them). If ever I ran out of food I would give mum money take treat them both to lunch. YABU to expect GPs to feed your child unless they specifically say they want to.

MIL. Saved you a job by saying low on wipes, saved you needing to check the changing bag! Mine used to do the same or text if she forgot

Cheeky to expect grandparents to feed their 18m grandson, who eats like a bird?
A bit of toast, fruit and a yoghurt?

OP posts:

2jacqi · 03/01/2024 17:56

@CheshGirl granny here, i had a cradle, a full size cot, a high chair, a car seat and a big silver cross pram (resprayed in red with new hood and apron) for my grandchildren when they stayed. still have the cot and the big pram in the garage . also kept a box of nappies and a box of babymilk powder for when they visited. also kept calpol in the fridge. I have a drawer full of various sized clothes in case of accident. the eldest is now 15 and the youngest is 5! cant believe a grandparent would not want to be prepared for wee visitors!