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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU to think we should get the best room?

236 replies

TwoCoffeesPlease · 31/12/2023 09:21

Haven’t raised this and highly possibly I won’t as I don’t like confrontation especially not with friends at the expense of a good time but canvassing to see if my expectations are reasonable or not.

Going away for new years for two nights with a group of friends. Was originally supposed to be 3 couples and one single man but one of the couples has split up so it is now 2 couples and 2 single men.

Rooms available are:
1x single
1x twin
1x double
1x double with en suite

all in a lodge type thing.

I found the accommodation (which was not easy as there were various requirements that needed to be met), paid for it on my credit card (everyone has paid me back), have organised an activity for this evening for everyone and generally corralled everyone together to facilitate the trip.

AIBU to think the en suite room should be offered up to me and my DH? It is it fairer to flip a coin between the two couples?

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 31/12/2023 11:24

YourNameGoesHere · 31/12/2023 09:30

How would that work if one of the couples ended up with the single room??

Show quote history

No your missing the fun. Every one person flips so Op may get the en suite with single bloke or the other guy might get it with ops partner. Mix it up. Keep it fresh
It's new year after all....

LuluBlakey1 · 31/12/2023 11:25

TwoCoffeesPlease · 31/12/2023 11:06

@RosesAndHellebores it is not that important to me. I was simply wondering while I had my coffee and waiting to leave what would be fairest. I said right in my OP that I wasn’t that bothered

What you said was over-balanced by everything else you said. You'll feel really badly done to if you don't get it. You feel entitled to it and more deserving of it than the others and as if you 'should' have it- you've given a string of reasons why you should have it.

Hermanfromguesswho · 31/12/2023 11:25

TwoCoffeesPlease · 31/12/2023 11:04

@Hermanfromguesswho no I mean I don’t think he has paid her back for either of their places!

This doesn’t matter. It’s no one else’s business how he manages his finances. Two places have been paid for by him/on his behalf. If your mum had paid for you and DH but you haven’t paid her back they’d still be two places paid for by you/on your behalf.
He has two paid for places.

SleepingStandingUp · 31/12/2023 11:26

DitheringBlidiot · 31/12/2023 09:38

But they've paid the same amount as you, so why do you get the en-suite?

Show quote history

So you think it's reasonable for friends to go away, single person gets a double and couple gets a single with one on the floor? That would make you a pretty ahit mate imo

Caszekey · 31/12/2023 11:28

Opid expect them to offer it you unless someone in the other couple has toiletting issues / is pregnant.
Get there first and claim it.
Last one I organised I technically got first dibs BUT as I got a double to myself and the other girls shared, I was a reasonable human and took the small room. If I'd been sharing, he'll yeah I'd have been in the turret en-suite

SkySecret · 31/12/2023 11:31

What if the single room has a single bed?

@Icelandic9 what if what room has a single bed?

OP has already confirmed the bedroom layouts. Technically one of the single people could have the en suite and everyone would still have somewhere to sleep….

LuluBlakey1 · 31/12/2023 11:31

Honestly, OP, read what you have written- it's funny.

I especially like the line
'AIBU to think the en suite room should be offered up to me and my DH?'

'offered up to' means 'bestowed', or 'presented' or 'sacrificed in honour of'.
Get a grip! You booked a lodge!

😂

ClottedCreamScone · 31/12/2023 11:37

YANBU, I’d always let the person who did the organising have first pick of the rooms. It’s just politeness.

mottytotty · 31/12/2023 11:38

TwoCoffeesPlease · 31/12/2023 09:27

@Whataretheodds i want it AND I want to be offered it i guess

Sorry but if you’re not forthright enough to make your wants known then you don’t deserve the nice room.

Either message everyone now telling them the room allocation or get there early and bagsy the best room.

MumblesParty · 31/12/2023 11:40

OP you should definitely get the en-suite. Anyone who says otherwise clearly hasn’t had the joy of being the organiser!
When I was a student we got a shared house in our second year. One girl lived locally so during the summer she found a house, dealt with the landlord, signed the contract etc. Naturally we then gave her first pick of the rooms.

zurala · 31/12/2023 11:44

OP you need to just allocate the rooms. I would also expect the organiser to have the best room but if you expect to be offered it you'll likely lose it.

Send a message:
"I'm really looking forward to seeing you all in MONTH.
Single guy I've given you the single room, newly single guy you are in the twin. Other couple you're in the double upstairs/next to the living room/state location, and DH and I are in the double with en suite as I'm claiming organiser's perk, but obviously happy to offer the shower for others to share to reduce queues in the morning.
Can't wait to see you all!"

Job done. Don't give options to discuss or you will end up in the room you don't want.

Flamingo68 · 31/12/2023 11:45

If you’re not that bothered, draw straws. This is a lot of thinking for a very simple situation!

NoNameisGoodEnough · 31/12/2023 11:53

I think I'd send a message explaining the rooms on offer and asking how everyone wants to divide them up. Probably it will all fall into place with original single man taking the single that was intended for him. Newly single man having twin and then I wouldn't be surprised if other couple tell you to have the en suite unless they explain a reason why they should have it e.g. Bob is up and down all night with his prostate. In which case, it is probably better they have the en suite instead of Bob traipsing up and down the landing all night flushing the main loo.

The main bathroom might be better. En suite might only have a bath for example???

Georgyporky · 31/12/2023 11:54

Just take it, don't wait for an offer that might not materialise.

WickDittington · 31/12/2023 11:56

TwoCoffeesPlease · 31/12/2023 09:29

@Coconutter24 well it would be crazy for the single people to have the double en suite when one of the other options is a single room!

Why?

Why should single people always be assumed to have the least nice option? A child’s room usually if it’s a single bed etc

Selenitetower · 31/12/2023 11:56

When I’m the one booking and paying for it with people paying me back I always state when I’ve found the place that I want the better room/if there’s a room with only one bed it’s mine etc. I did this on a girls trip, 2 rooms 1 with a queen bed and ensuite other with 2 doubles and they shared the main bathroom and we split it equally. I want to be rewarded for my effort of finding the place and doing the bulk of the organising. So I think being the one that booked it and found it you should get the better room, if that doesn’t occur either next time someone else can organise it all and pay for it and you pay them back.

AndromacheAstyanax · 31/12/2023 12:04

If you are doing the organising, and if the en-suite is generally thought to be the better room (not everyone thinks so), I would offer it to the other couple, as a token of service, generosity and hospitality. However if I were in the other couple, I’d decline it and suggest you have it, to acknowledge the work you’ve done in organising. The only exception might be if there is a personal need among you for the en-suite. In that case, assign the en-suite to the person with the need, even if it means a couple takes a twin room rather than a double. Have a lovely time!

FinallyHere · 31/12/2023 12:06

Have you really organised accommodation which meets everyone's expectations?

If do... then who is expecting the en-suite ?

I know I'm projecting here but an en-suite is important to be, as it appears to be to OP.

My personal nightmare is an organiser who doesn't take these things into consideration up front. Not everyone cares, but it seems to me quite late in the day for the so called organiser to be thinking about this sort of thing and seemingly with no idea of the preferences of others.

There is no 'universally fair' way to organise things other than to be aware of people's expectations. Even if they haven't raised any, it's so much better for organisers to have considered these sorts of things and to have gathers other people's opinions. If they say they 'don't care' then what is the problem.

The problem in the OP appears to be an 'organiser' whose reaction to realising quite late in the day that there may be mismatched expectations ... is to expect to nab the best room for them selves

Not what I would call someone who has 'organised' much at all.

PuffyShirt · 31/12/2023 12:09

I would never pick nor expect the best room.

If you organised it, you’re effectively the host so should offer it to another couple imo.

Emmacb82 · 31/12/2023 12:09

I don’t think it’s worth getting worked up over the fact that you’ve got a bathroom in the bedroom. Surely the most important thing is that you’re away with friends and you’re all going to have fun. Go into it with the mindset that it doesn’t really matter otherwise you are going to feel annoyed about it even if you don’t let it show. Everyone will have access to a bathroom. What does it matter that you have to walk slightly further for it!

ShouldIbeLeftWithLess · 31/12/2023 12:09

I think whoever organised the trip absolutely should get the best room (if logistics allow)! YANBU.

Anonforgoodreason · 31/12/2023 12:20

Yes ypu are all pay9ng the same but ypu haven't be recompensed for your time to organise it all. That pips it.

A bit of a segue, but i remember, years ago, reading an article about whether one can afford to get a cleaner or not. The basic gist was work out what each hour of your time is worth and what you would pay to have that as free time, rather than cleaning (i could not!). However, it useful tool in life in remembering everyone's time has an actual value (the actual monetary value is irrelevant here) and helps decide on situations like these.

Peachy2005 · 31/12/2023 12:21

Absolutely what @zurala said above, and very nicely phrased too. YABU to think the best room will be offered to you so if you lose out on it, it’s your own fault and don’t be annoying your DH complaining about it!

Anonforgoodreason · 31/12/2023 12:21

PuffyShirt · 31/12/2023 12:09

I would never pick nor expect the best room.

If you organised it, you’re effectively the host so should offer it to another couple imo.

What actual hair shirt nonsense is this??

Anonforgoodreason · 31/12/2023 12:22

NoNameisGoodEnough · 31/12/2023 11:53

I think I'd send a message explaining the rooms on offer and asking how everyone wants to divide them up. Probably it will all fall into place with original single man taking the single that was intended for him. Newly single man having twin and then I wouldn't be surprised if other couple tell you to have the en suite unless they explain a reason why they should have it e.g. Bob is up and down all night with his prostate. In which case, it is probably better they have the en suite instead of Bob traipsing up and down the landing all night flushing the main loo.

The main bathroom might be better. En suite might only have a bath for example???

In what world does an en suite have a bath only? Genuine question as I have never heard of it