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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have xl bully stay

273 replies

Worndownbyit · 30/12/2023 20:19

My daughter has 2 dogs, one of which is an xl bully she has recently taken on. Personally I don't mind the xl, but I've grown up with animals, my husband hates the dog and has said that he doesn't want the dog coming when she comes to visit with our grandchildren.
I know this is going to cause a row and my daughter is likely to say she won't come down...(she lives at the opposite end of the country)
AIBU to tell her she can't bring the xl when she comes to visit or should my husband just suck it up?

OP posts:
sadoldmum2018 · 30/12/2023 21:50

@Dillane

Forcing a potentially dangerous dog into someone's home is not the same as refusing to have a potentially dangerous dog in your home its not the same.

Does not work both ways.

NutellaNut · 30/12/2023 21:50

If she’s only recently taken it on she will have absolutely no idea of the dog’s personality or what it’s capable of, or if it’s reactive to children. Your DH is right.

369damnshesfine · 30/12/2023 21:50

JingleSnowmanTree · 30/12/2023 21:45

@colourfulchinadolls

so many women on here think the DH has spoken & he must be 'respected'. Like the OP must obey him. It's pathetic.

this isn't about the dog, this is about 'the man of the house'. 1950 has has a break out.

Show quote history

No not at all.

The person who doesn’t want something, trumps the person that does.

If OP didn’t want the dog in the house but her DH did then everyone would say OPs opinion matters the most.p

Same as if one of them wanted kids.
If one person doesn’t, then that opinion trumps the partner.

Why make it about sex when it’s nothing to do with that.

sadoldmum2018 · 30/12/2023 21:54

@JingleSnowmanTree

You are joking right?

How can you turn not wanting a potentially dangerous dog in your home into misogyny?

Anniegetyourgun · 30/12/2023 21:57

Confusing conversation going on here. As far as I can tell it seems to have got to the point where the OP's DH should not be allowed to refuse to have a large dog of a controlled breed stay in his house because the government has failed to ban all dangerous breeds, including ones that don't yet exist. No, it doesn't make sense to me either, so no doubt I misread. Probably.

I'm soppier about dogs than many (used to keep Dobermans, adorable creatures) but my view is if one co-owner of the house is opposed to having animals come to stay then animals don't come to stay.

Missingmyusername · 30/12/2023 21:58

Pop quiz. Potential killer. Or lab cross.

To have xl bully stay
Sureaseggs44 · 30/12/2023 22:00

I don’t understand ? The dig was re homed but now is back ?

Shelby2010 · 30/12/2023 22:00

Perhaps the OP could confirm the timeline of where the dog has lived?

It seems the DD had the dog as a puppy but sold/gave it away. Now 2 years later she has recently got it back as an unspeyed, untrained 3 year old. Where was she living before, have they bred from her? Did she have contact with the dog during that time?

How do people afford to feed these dogs? And do you have to use a bin bag rather than a normal dog poo to clear up after them?

Lifestooshort71 · 30/12/2023 22:00

JingleSnowmanTree · Today 21:05

Lifestooshort71 · Today 20:23

Your husband has stated his view quite strongly and is concerned about safety. He should be listened to.
@Lifestooshort71

the man has spoken????
Don't be ridiculous. 'He should be listened to' because he 'is concerned about safety' not because he's a bloke! Really!

zusje · 30/12/2023 22:00

Fionafaorta · 30/12/2023 21:19

You're willfully ignoring my point.

Dogs bite. For many reasons. Illness. Dementia. Stress. Poor training. Being scared...

But the size matters. If a 3kg dog bites for whatever reason it's unlikely to do much harm.

If a 20kg dog does the exact same thing someone could die.

Those are the facts and the reason I would never, ever allow a large breed around my kids. The risk is not worth it.

What is the point?

You can get plenty of small family breedsthe only reason the have any large powerful breed around kids is for status and to look hard.

Show quote history

Small dogs are far more likely to bite. Chihuahuas, yorkshire terriers, french bulldogs, don't get me started on the fancy breeds like cockapoos the majority of which have serious behavioural issues. A dachshund killed a young child recently. Having ANY dog in your house and leaving it unattended with children (and not having properly raised either the dog or the kids so they respect each others boundaries) is just asking for trouble.

People are up in arms about the XL Bully's now, however would happily have a border collie (the breed that has mostly gone for my face in my job and know at least of once incident where a vet's finger was partly bit off by a sedated border collie) or a german shepherd dog (a breed with the strongest recorded bite that is used as a police dog the world over because once those jaws lock it's almost impossible to get them to open back up) in their homes. Yes size matters when it comes to the damage a dog can does, of course it does, but victimising a whole breed and even worse any dog that faintly resembles said breed with no clear instructions on what constitutes being of said breed other than "needs to fit a substantial number of these characteristics" without any clear guidance of what a substantial number is, is just going to lead to panic and massive dog culling which is just heartbreaking for owners, rescue and veterinary staff who will have to bear the grunt of it and potentially euthanise lovely, healthy dogs just because they look a certain way.

sadoldmum2018 · 30/12/2023 22:05

@zusje

I'd rather take my chances with a Chihuahua or a yorkie any day.

Missingmyusername · 30/12/2023 22:05

Sureaseggs44 · 30/12/2023 22:00

I don’t understand ? The dig was re homed but now is back ?

The daughter fostered the dog for two years. Ban came in so she rehomed. Apparently in the family set eyes on the dog until now.
OP didn’t come back to clarify.

most posters don’t have a scooby what a dog classed as type looks like in real life. They think they’re built like a brick shit house and weigh eight stone. In reality they aren’t that big and if I sat one I’d probably kill it. DD made one cry when she stood on his toe. She’s 7.

kitsuneghost · 30/12/2023 22:06

Missingmyusername · 30/12/2023 21:58

Pop quiz. Potential killer. Or lab cross.

How easily can you open it's jaws if it's got something it doesn't want to let go of?

Jacopo · 30/12/2023 22:09

Pop quiz. Potential killer. Or lab cross?

No idea, but it’s ugly.

Missingmyusername · 30/12/2023 22:10

kitsuneghost · 30/12/2023 22:06

How easily can you open it's jaws if it's got something it doesn't want to let go of?

Show quote history

Erm what?
How are we testing this new government guideline? Is this new? (did you make this up)

zusje · 30/12/2023 22:10

sadoldmum2018 · 30/12/2023 22:05

@zusje

I'd rather take my chances with a Chihuahua or a yorkie any day.

As a veterinary professional I'd rather see a 25+kg dog than a small breed as it's far more likely I'll leave the exam unscathed, but to each their own!

CantFindTheBeat · 30/12/2023 22:10

@Missingmyusername

You've made up your own story - that's not what the OP has said at all.

Missingmyusername · 30/12/2023 22:10

Jacopo · 30/12/2023 22:09

Pop quiz. Potential killer. Or lab cross?

No idea, but it’s ugly.

Subjective. Post a selfie.

sadoldmum2018 · 30/12/2023 22:10

@Missingmyusername

Not a clue.

I'm sure you'll find out when it goes for your throat.

Not gonna lie these dogs terrify me.

Awayday16 · 30/12/2023 22:11

crumblingschools · 30/12/2023 21:07

I wouldn’t have XL Bully in my house. I wouldn’t knowingly visit a house with one either

This!

Baffledandalarmed · 30/12/2023 22:12

You’re missing the point everyone is making @zusje

It’s not necessarily the breeds - it’s the people who own them. That’s why the breed is dangerous.

Yes, collies and GSDs can be owned by arseholes. But by and large 90-95% of those dogs are fine. Personally, I’ve only ever met one GSD that has issues and it was muzzled and always is. I see it every day and give it a wide birth, but the owner is lovely and completely reasonable - goes out of their way to avoid other dogs etc. When a GSD goes wrong it’s usually nurture (I.e an incident that has left them with issues).

XL bullies? It’s nature. These dogs were bred for aggression and they attract the sort of incompetent fuckwit who wants to look hard. I’ve met about a dozen now and TBH every single one was a nasty piece of shit. Out of control, snarling and aggressive. The owners were no better - aggressive and unnecessarily rude to everyone who avoided their dog.

THAT is the difference between a XL Bully and a GSD. It’s the scumbag owners.

And yes, another breed will be next. And that’s a shame. But that’s life - scumbags will find a way to give themselves a penis extension cos they have to have the hardest looking dog going.

I’d rather 1000 innocent ‘nice’ XL bullies (if there even is such a thing) died than another person got their throat ripped out.

sadoldmum2018 · 30/12/2023 22:13

@zusje
If an XL showed the aggression of a chihuahua or terrier you'd be in trouble.

Missingmyusername · 30/12/2023 22:14

CantFindTheBeat · 30/12/2023 22:10

@Missingmyusername

You've made up your own story - that's not what the OP has said at all.

Well finish it then?

Missingmyusername · 30/12/2023 22:16

Baffledandalarmed · 30/12/2023 22:12

You’re missing the point everyone is making @zusje

It’s not necessarily the breeds - it’s the people who own them. That’s why the breed is dangerous.

Yes, collies and GSDs can be owned by arseholes. But by and large 90-95% of those dogs are fine. Personally, I’ve only ever met one GSD that has issues and it was muzzled and always is. I see it every day and give it a wide birth, but the owner is lovely and completely reasonable - goes out of their way to avoid other dogs etc. When a GSD goes wrong it’s usually nurture (I.e an incident that has left them with issues).

XL bullies? It’s nature. These dogs were bred for aggression and they attract the sort of incompetent fuckwit who wants to look hard. I’ve met about a dozen now and TBH every single one was a nasty piece of shit. Out of control, snarling and aggressive. The owners were no better - aggressive and unnecessarily rude to everyone who avoided their dog.

THAT is the difference between a XL Bully and a GSD. It’s the scumbag owners.

And yes, another breed will be next. And that’s a shame. But that’s life - scumbags will find a way to give themselves a penis extension cos they have to have the hardest looking dog going.

I’d rather 1000 innocent ‘nice’ XL bullies (if there even is such a thing) died than another person got their throat ripped out.

Edited

No you are missing the point.

What people should be clutching their pearls about (but nobody cares) is greeders.

Target them. Write to your M.P. Tweet your Rishi.

Missingmyusername · 30/12/2023 22:19

@sadoldmum2018 He’s actually tiny.

Couldn’t kill you if he wanted to, beaten, starved, left to die in a house. He was rescued by children, broke in for a laugh, found the dog and was taken home until a rescue was found.