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Original poster

Poo-gate, what to do?

310 replies

notallmenbutalwaysaman · 30/12/2023 05:00

To be honest I just need to rant, I know IANBU but don't know what to do except seethe.

Just before LTB comments start- DH is usually lovely and rarely drinks.

DH went out last night- fine. He had no key and was utterly incoherent when I tried to call/text so I waited up until 2am for him to get home so I could lock up. Then went to bed and he was snoring- I kid you not- like he had some sort of jet engine installed in his chest. He also kept violently shaking and making the bed move like there was some sort of earthquake. He seemed fine medically, just very very drunk. I'm 7 months pregnant, perpetually exhausted, and can barely sleep as it is so obviously couldn't cope with this. He wouldn't stop it or wake up fully when I asked (yelled) at him to go and sleep on the sofa if he was so drunk, and in fact kept telling me to fuck off. So, 2.30am I get my stuff and go sleep on the sofa, which isn't the comfiest when heavily pregnant but is better than a bed installed with earthquake plates.

I must've fallen asleep because at 4am I am awoken by all the lights suddenly being on and an almightly banging in the hallway and kitchen. The washing machine is also inexplicibly on and so obviously the whole living room/kitchen wall has decided to get in on the action and is being as loud as it can possibly be. I try and sleep through it for about 20 minutes before getting up to see what on earth is going on. DH is now fast asleep again, sprawled across the whole bed, but there is a massive stinking pile of poo on the hallway carpet, with splatters leading in to the kitchen. The bathtub is FULL of what I can only describe as poo-confetti. Everything stinks. It's not diarrhea- I'd be a little more understanding of that- but actual solid poo. Now I'm awake (as are, unfortunately, my nostrils) I can't get back to sleep. My back and legs are killing me from sitting/lying on the sofa but absolutely no way do I want to get back in to bed with him (doubt he'd even make room) and I am refusing to clean up on principle but the whole downstairs utterly reeks. He won't clean up- he's still totally incoherent and is refusing to move out of bed.

So now I'm sat here on the sofa, in pain and furious, unable to sleep. What on earth do I do now? I've nowhere to go without a 2+ hour drive which I'm too tired for. What on earth do I do when he wakes up/what is an appropriate punishment/way for him to make up for this? Utterly grossed out and fuming.

OP posts:
PeloMom · 30/12/2023 05:03

Check in a hotel or go to a friend’s and refuse to come home until the house is spotless?

MissingMoominMamma · 30/12/2023 05:07

Use his credit card to book a room.

WiddlinDiddlin · 30/12/2023 05:07

Try to go back to sleep, pretending its some sort of nightmare.

In the morning if it proves to have been real, leave until it is cleaned up. However long that takes.

TeeBee · 30/12/2023 05:08

If you don't have any children, I'd leave the house first thing and spend the day seeing family/friends and doing things you enjoy. Take yourself out for lunch somewhere nice. Tell him to text you when the house is spotless and doesn't smell of his shit. He's disgusting.

EmmaGrundyForPM · 30/12/2023 05:10

That's disgusting, but if it's solid rather than diarrhoea, why is it everywhere?

As others have said, book into a hotel and get some sleep. Don't return until house is fully cleaned and he has fully apologised

Original poster
notallmenbutalwaysaman · 30/12/2023 05:10

Would a hotel even be open for check in at 5am? Isn't check out generally at 10? I don't even know where his credit card is.

OP posts:
Original poster
notallmenbutalwaysaman · 30/12/2023 05:11

EmmaGrundyForPM · 30/12/2023 05:10

That's disgusting, but if it's solid rather than diarrhoea, why is it everywhere?

As others have said, book into a hotel and get some sleep. Don't return until house is fully cleaned and he has fully apologised

I honestly don't know but it is utterly grim.

OP posts:
Howbizzare22 · 30/12/2023 05:12

I second what others are saying re hotel/out until the place is properly cleaned up & he’s apologised. You’ve got a baby on the way time for him to grow up and not treat his heavily pregnant partner like this.

CharlotteUnaNatalieThompson · 30/12/2023 05:16

I'd try and go back to sleep if possible (take sofa cushions to sleep on into another room that doesn't stink?) but if that doesn't work try and find a hotel.

I'd also message his phone (so he sees it when he wakes - no point trying to wake and reason with a drunk person) telling him that as soon as he's awake he needs to clean up his shit. I'd probably also set his alarm for 8am...

SnackyOnassis · 30/12/2023 05:18

Oh you poor thing, that's horrific! Especially with the super-spaniel sense of smell you get when you're pregnant, you'll be getting the most intense version of the smell!
PPs are all bang on; leave the house as early as you can, either leave a note or text him letting him know your expectations, and do something nice for you for the day. Even if that's booking a hotel room and sleeping for 24 hours, just remove yourself from the situation completely so there's absolutely no risk of you either having to help clean, or even witness the cleaning. I don't think you'd look at him the same way ever again if you saw him shovelling his own shit off the carpet.

Mumof2teens79 · 30/12/2023 05:19

Probably gas from the beer and drinking...I am sure there is a technical term.
In his current state he could not have helped it and cannot do anything till he sobers up
But still.his fault for getting in that state and I too would be fuming.

Places like premier inns or airport hotels may check you in now, but would count it as last night. And will have to pay for a second night to stay passed 10am. I would still be tempted to be honest but it's taking a risk.

Try and sleep as best you can. When you wake up go to a hotel or sympathetic friends for breakfast and or sleep, and wait for him to sober up and clean up

CharlotteUnaNatalieThompson · 30/12/2023 05:21

Premier inn checkout is midday...

Ponoka7 · 30/12/2023 05:23

You could put disinfectant in the washing up bowl and have it on the floor by the couch, so it cancels out some of the smell. Try to rest. If he hasn't sorted up to clean up tomorrow, I'd be going elsewhere for a good night's sleep.

Ywudu · 30/12/2023 05:26

Turn the washing machine off and try and get back to sleep then go to a friends or find a hotel that has early check in, disappear for the day and leave him to tidy up his own mess.

brainworms · 30/12/2023 05:27

PUT THE WHOLE MAN IN THE BIN.

RachelSTG · 30/12/2023 05:30

Vile. How did he manage to put a wash on but not make it to the toilet? He has probably clogged your washing machine with his poop if he has put soiled underwear in for a wash. Also, how uncomfortable is your sofa to make your back and legs sore after less than two hours? (Misses point I know!) I wouldn't trust him to clean and disinfect properly and would want to book some sort of deep clean to make sure your house was properly disinfected and buying a new sofa that is comfortable ( I know you're pregnant but your sofa sounds really uncomfortable) . I know you said no LTB but I honestly couldn't look at a life partner the same after he behaved like that.

RachelSTG · 30/12/2023 05:31

Ponoka7 · 30/12/2023 05:23

You could put disinfectant in the washing up bowl and have it on the floor by the couch, so it cancels out some of the smell. Try to rest. If he hasn't sorted up to clean up tomorrow, I'd be going elsewhere for a good night's sleep.

I don't think that's a good idea if she is pregnant to sleep next to strong chemicals?

Fosterfloof · 30/12/2023 05:31

I am so sorry you've had to deal with this. As others have said I would get out and stay in a hotel for a few nights (on his credit card) to give him time to sober up and clean up!!

Is there a Premier inn/ Travel lodge near to you that you could book into for a couple of days? If so I would ring them - they should have 24hr reception cover and say there's been a burst pipe and you have raw sewage leaking into your home and as you are pregnant you obviously can't stay at home until it's been cleaned up and you need to book a room for immediate occupancy.

Perhaps your DH needs to not drink quite so much if this is the state that he gets into.

Mercurysinretrograde · 30/12/2023 05:33

Just call the nearest hotel. They are unlikely to be fully booked and should have a room. So what if you have to pay for 2 nights, use his card. You will find it in his wallet in the washing machine….

PhillMichellsbrother · 30/12/2023 05:42

Will he be sorry when he sobers up and clean everything properly?

Grimchmas · 30/12/2023 05:42

Hotel night porters will answer the phone and reception, get you checked in if you arrive etc. It may just take longer than usual for them to answer because they won't necessarily be sat at reception, they'll be off doing jobs around the hotel.

If you don't want to drive 2 hours to a hotel, I wonder would the car be a better place to rest? Take whatever hot water bottles/blankets/warm clothing and make it as good a nest as you can. Maybe an upright or reclined supportive chair like a car seat might be better than trying to sleep on the sofa? It would certainly smell less like poo.

I am SO sorry you are going through this.

I think if it were me it wouldn't matter if I could get his credit card or not, I'd book myself into a hotel for 2 nights and go now - I'd be unlikely to get any sleep in the next 2 hours, so I'd ring a hotel to book, get a coffee and get driving. And I wouldn't leave a note, I'd just give a basic text reply if he rings tomorrow to tell him that I was safe and staying away until the house no longer had his literal shit all over it.

March2024baby · 30/12/2023 05:44

You are 7 months pregnant and he got paralytically drunk and pooed everywhere?? What would he have done if the baby had come early? He wouldn't have been able to be there to support you.

That is awful and disgusting OP. I hope you are able to find somewhere to go, even if you have to wait until it gets light and drive somewhere. Or better still, is there someone you can call in the morning who would ick you up? You need to create space and leave him to think about what he has done. It's disgusting. He needs a wake up call (metaphorically!)

Frangipanyoul8r · 30/12/2023 05:44

This is absolutely horrific. Wait it out in the lounge for a couple of hours then try and find somewhere else to go. He needs to deal with this alone and in shame while you have your phone on silent for the day.

Frangipanyoul8r · 30/12/2023 05:46

Leave a note saying you’ve witnessed his mess and only to contact you when every single particle of poo is cleaned up.

DelightfulDoris · 30/12/2023 05:49

Lots of good advise. What a horrible thing for too to wake up to.

I would 100% have to get out of the house. I honestly would find it hard to look at my dh for a while after that episode !

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