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Original poster

Poo-gate, what to do?

310 replies

notallmenbutalwaysaman · 30/12/2023 05:00

To be honest I just need to rant, I know IANBU but don't know what to do except seethe.

Just before LTB comments start- DH is usually lovely and rarely drinks.

DH went out last night- fine. He had no key and was utterly incoherent when I tried to call/text so I waited up until 2am for him to get home so I could lock up. Then went to bed and he was snoring- I kid you not- like he had some sort of jet engine installed in his chest. He also kept violently shaking and making the bed move like there was some sort of earthquake. He seemed fine medically, just very very drunk. I'm 7 months pregnant, perpetually exhausted, and can barely sleep as it is so obviously couldn't cope with this. He wouldn't stop it or wake up fully when I asked (yelled) at him to go and sleep on the sofa if he was so drunk, and in fact kept telling me to fuck off. So, 2.30am I get my stuff and go sleep on the sofa, which isn't the comfiest when heavily pregnant but is better than a bed installed with earthquake plates.

I must've fallen asleep because at 4am I am awoken by all the lights suddenly being on and an almightly banging in the hallway and kitchen. The washing machine is also inexplicibly on and so obviously the whole living room/kitchen wall has decided to get in on the action and is being as loud as it can possibly be. I try and sleep through it for about 20 minutes before getting up to see what on earth is going on. DH is now fast asleep again, sprawled across the whole bed, but there is a massive stinking pile of poo on the hallway carpet, with splatters leading in to the kitchen. The bathtub is FULL of what I can only describe as poo-confetti. Everything stinks. It's not diarrhea- I'd be a little more understanding of that- but actual solid poo. Now I'm awake (as are, unfortunately, my nostrils) I can't get back to sleep. My back and legs are killing me from sitting/lying on the sofa but absolutely no way do I want to get back in to bed with him (doubt he'd even make room) and I am refusing to clean up on principle but the whole downstairs utterly reeks. He won't clean up- he's still totally incoherent and is refusing to move out of bed.

So now I'm sat here on the sofa, in pain and furious, unable to sleep. What on earth do I do now? I've nowhere to go without a 2+ hour drive which I'm too tired for. What on earth do I do when he wakes up/what is an appropriate punishment/way for him to make up for this? Utterly grossed out and fuming.

OP posts:
willsandnoodle · 30/12/2023 08:28

ZekeZeke · 30/12/2023 08:26

OP he was doing drugs. 100%

What drugs would possibly make him shit everywhere and then fall asleep?

Whattodo112222 · 30/12/2023 08:28

Utterly disgusting man.

Another vote for him definitely being on drugs last night

MrBigsCat · 30/12/2023 08:28

Also I’d struggle to fancy someone again after smelling their raw shit splattered all over my lovely home!!

QueenOfMOHO · 30/12/2023 08:28

ZekeZeke · 30/12/2023 08:26

OP he was doing drugs. 100%

This.
The violent shaking is much more likely to be due to MDMA.

ClairDeLaLune · 30/12/2023 08:29

That’s utterly disgusting OP, I would really struggle to get past that. Also telling you to fuck off, that’s abusive. Definitely get to a hotel now, preferably a nice spa one. Max out his credit card. What a vile pig.

And @Ginnnny what on earth? How can you find it funny, that’s awful.

MariaVT65 · 30/12/2023 08:29

-Check yourself into a hotel for several days. Or see if you can stay with a friend. He will need to pay the cost

-I wouldn’t trust him to clean it all properly, so he needs to clean it but then locate a professional clean which might be tricky until next week

-Make it clear he needs to sort out whatever is in the machine

-Under no circumstances clean this yourself

-Definitely take photos

-Flowers is not enough. You’ve indicated he has a big problem when he drinks, so this is a serious issue that needs sorting with some help. Imagine if he acts like this when you have a small child. Disgusting.

Denimdenimdenim · 30/12/2023 08:30

Oh god. That's the stuff of nightmares.

Hope you're alright, OP. I had PGP it was horrendous, so I sympathise.

You're right in saying flowers and an apology meal. That would be the bare minimum required in my opinion.

Make sure you get some rest while he spends the day hungover cleaning up his mess. If you're feeling very annoyed, you could always hide the painkillers, coffee, TV remote and WiFi then go out for the day 😜

BruceAndNosh · 30/12/2023 08:30

In the unlikely event that you decide to forgive him and stay (which would require him to deal completely with the mess, sincere apology and a decision to deal with excess drinking) the tiny silver lining is that he will never be able to refuse to change poonami nappies, since he subjected YOU to worse than that.

willsandnoodle · 30/12/2023 08:30

A hotel sounds so good. You could sleep in today then rest all day reading a book at watching tv, then an uninterrupted sleep all night in a bed alone. What a dream!

Or get some stuff together and travel to nearest family! You say it's a couple of hours, but you're up now anyway.

Do not in any circumstance help him clean up.

EnjoyingTheSilence · 30/12/2023 08:33

I hope he is thoroughly disgusted with home self when he finally wakes up and doesn’t try and turn it on you somehow.

I would also be going to a hotel or friends. Hope your day gets better

AhBiscuits · 30/12/2023 08:34

If a hotel is not an option due to the cost or availability, then make that 2+ hour drive and spend some time with your family.

Therealjudgejudy · 30/12/2023 08:34

This is horrific op. I hope you re in a hotel room and away from this vile man

5128gap · 30/12/2023 08:35

How does a huge bunch of flowers and an apology meal remotely help you OP, when realistically (given most people in the real world would not have the means or motivation to leave their home covered in shit and check into a hotel at 5am) you're going to have to spend the next couple of hours cleaning up, or wait many hours until he's fit to do it?
Even as a one off, this behaviour is beyond unacceptable. If you continue to approach it as a half joke with quips about jet engines and walls getting in in the act, and are prepared to be mollified by a big breakfast on his credit card and him buying you some treats, then believe me, you are on a slippery slope where you minimise this sort of thing, and he learns he can pay his way out of it.
In your shoes I'd clean up, because realistically what choice is there? You can't leave it staining walls and carpets. Then when he woke up I'd be telling him it was the first and last time that was going to happen and I'd mean it. If there was a repeat, he'd be out. Tbh I'm not sure I could see him in the same way again anyway after that. But maybe thats just me.

eatdrinkandbemerry · 30/12/2023 08:35

That's grim 🤢
He would be leaving asap I wouldn't be able to look at his face again

Vinrouge4 · 30/12/2023 08:36

Hope you are okay OP and managed to get some sleep.

margotrose · 30/12/2023 08:37

Why do you never hear stories about women shitting on the floor or pissing in wardrobes when they're drunk?

I would be seriously rethinking my relationship at this point. Eurgh.

Grimchmas · 30/12/2023 08:37

I REALLY don't love that this is the 3rd time he's got badly drunk and been nasty to you. Keep a very close eye on him being nasty to you, as I hate to say it but there's a known phenomenon of men being able to be broadly nice until a child comes along then they get abusive and stay abusive. I expect that this one is "just" ratarsed, but keep a close eye on it please, OP.

"I would rather clean up the mess myself (him included) then feel forced to leave my own home, especially when pregnant. You and your child are what matter here"

You do you if you are ever unfortunate enough to be in that position and you feel that way, but the OP has said (quite rightly) that she isn't going to clean up the mess, and 99% of the people on this thread agree with her that she shouldn't. Her bed has a drunk, shit covered man in it who won't get out of it, her carpet has poo in it, the bathroom is splattered, her washing machine will be utterly grim, her home stinks of drunk person's shit and while I get the principal of not being the one to have to leave the home, home is not a restful place for her to be at the moment! She's heavily pregnant, she doesn't ought to be cleaning up her drunk partner's faeces for goodness sake. 😳

I also sadly think that if she cleans it up for him, it lessens the chance of him fully realising the consequences of his actions. It shouldn't take cleaning shit out of various places in your house to make a man realise that he can't drink like this again, but it might need to.

Numberfish · 30/12/2023 08:38

If he’s normally nice, has he had his drinks spiked? Or overcompensated with baby fear? The poo thing is horrible but sounds like he’s tried to put the washing on in his drunken haze? I’d go to hotel if you can and wait with interest for his explanation. No way would he have chosen to do this to you. Best of luck with baby, nappies will seem a breeze now :)

PurpleFlower1983 · 30/12/2023 08:39

That really is out of order, I would drive the 2 hours and go to your friends/family telling him you are not returning until the house is spotless.

raindropsonatinroof · 30/12/2023 08:42

5128gap · 30/12/2023 08:35

How does a huge bunch of flowers and an apology meal remotely help you OP, when realistically (given most people in the real world would not have the means or motivation to leave their home covered in shit and check into a hotel at 5am) you're going to have to spend the next couple of hours cleaning up, or wait many hours until he's fit to do it?
Even as a one off, this behaviour is beyond unacceptable. If you continue to approach it as a half joke with quips about jet engines and walls getting in in the act, and are prepared to be mollified by a big breakfast on his credit card and him buying you some treats, then believe me, you are on a slippery slope where you minimise this sort of thing, and he learns he can pay his way out of it.
In your shoes I'd clean up, because realistically what choice is there? You can't leave it staining walls and carpets. Then when he woke up I'd be telling him it was the first and last time that was going to happen and I'd mean it. If there was a repeat, he'd be out. Tbh I'm not sure I could see him in the same way again anyway after that. But maybe thats just me.

I agree with this. A bunch of flowers would not make up for my home being splattered with shit and him telling me to F off. No bloody way.

I get we all make mistakes but this is beyond the pale and it will go through your mind now every time he goes out for drinks thereafter.

If you do clean up, take photos of it first otherwise he'll try to minimise it and say it "wasn't that bad" or he doesn't remember doing it and will deny it ever happened. Drunk people often do that- they can't remember it so in their minds, it never happened.

I'd probably clean it up but I'd be demanding he paid extra for the washing machine electricity, I'd keep the photos as a reminder for him next time he goes out for drinks. I'd also be demanding he sincerely apologise and promise me this would never happen again as if it did, I would leave and he'd know I was deadly serious. You cannot live with someone who does this, it's absolutely revolting. He would be paying for this mistake for a long time.

BreatheAndFocus · 30/12/2023 08:42

Utterly revolting 🤢 🤢 🤮 Definitely get away from the house and rest today. As others have said, places like the Premier Inn are pretty flexible.

As for him - I’d really struggle to stay with him. It’s not just the shit everywhere, it’s the total lack of concern for you when you’re heavily pregnant. After he’s cleaned up thoroughly (and tbh I’d be disinfecting everything after he’d cleaned up too), I’d get him to move out for a week or so, so you can think in peace about whether you really want to stay with someone like this. He doesn’t sound very nice or very focussed on you and your approaching baby.

MariaVT65 · 30/12/2023 08:43

Do not clean it up fgs!! You are pregnant! Do not clean up your husband’s shit! Nor should you have to! Take photos, pack a bag and leave!

CarrotCake01 · 30/12/2023 08:44

I'd have wrapped up warm and gone for a little walk to clear my head and nostrils.
Or gone out for a coffee or something but it depends what's open near you.

Totally gross though, he'll feel stupid and beyond embarrassed when he wakes up.

What did you do in the end?

giraffetrousers · 30/12/2023 08:45

No way would I be cleaning up his shit. He needs to deal with the consequences of cleaning it up and he needs to see the literal shit show he has left. I'd probably try and go out for the day or see a friend/family to get out of the house. I like the idea of him waking up to me gone and having to worry about where I was the entire day. I wouldn't be texting or communicating with him either. Let him fcking stew.

Definitely take photos of it too.

Disgusting man.

whirlingdevonish · 30/12/2023 08:47

As someone who has been through the messy demise of both dear parents and had to deal with some of the accompanying messiness (completely not their fault) I am aghast at this man's behaviour. They couldn't help it, and were (unnecessarily) ashamed at their accidents. Awful for them. This man though has put himself in a position where he has emptied his bowels.
I would be interested at how ashamed/contrite he is. And how he ever expects to live as man and wife again. Talk about off-putting. That smell lingers too in your nostrils long after it's cleared up.