Poo-gate, what to do?

[notallmenbutalwaysaman]

To be honest I just need to rant, I know IANBU but don't know what to do except seethe.

Just before LTB comments start- DH is usually lovely and rarely drinks.

DH went out last night- fine. He had no key and was utterly incoherent when I tried to call/text so I waited up until 2am for him to get home so I could lock up. Then went to bed and he was snoring- I kid you not- like he had some sort of jet engine installed in his chest. He also kept violently shaking and making the bed move like there was some sort of earthquake. He seemed fine medically, just very very drunk. I'm 7 months pregnant, perpetually exhausted, and can barely sleep as it is so obviously couldn't cope with this. He wouldn't stop it or wake up fully when I asked (yelled) at him to go and sleep on the sofa if he was so drunk, and in fact kept telling me to fuck off. So, 2.30am I get my stuff and go sleep on the sofa, which isn't the comfiest when heavily pregnant but is better than a bed installed with earthquake plates.

I must've fallen asleep because at 4am I am awoken by all the lights suddenly being on and an almightly banging in the hallway and kitchen. The washing machine is also inexplicibly on and so obviously the whole living room/kitchen wall has decided to get in on the action and is being as loud as it can possibly be. I try and sleep through it for about 20 minutes before getting up to see what on earth is going on. DH is now fast asleep again, sprawled across the whole bed, but there is a massive stinking pile of poo on the hallway carpet, with splatters leading in to the kitchen. The bathtub is FULL of what I can only describe as poo-confetti. Everything stinks. It's not diarrhea- I'd be a little more understanding of that- but actual solid poo. Now I'm awake (as are, unfortunately, my nostrils) I can't get back to sleep. My back and legs are killing me from sitting/lying on the sofa but absolutely no way do I want to get back in to bed with him (doubt he'd even make room) and I am refusing to clean up on principle but the whole downstairs utterly reeks. He won't clean up- he's still totally incoherent and is refusing to move out of bed.

So now I'm sat here on the sofa, in pain and furious, unable to sleep. What on earth do I do now? I've nowhere to go without a 2+ hour drive which I'm too tired for. What on earth do I do when he wakes up/what is an appropriate punishment/way for him to make up for this? Utterly grossed out and fuming.

Has anyone said coke?

This.

I'm 7m ish pregnant with a toddler - hence... Awake!
I'd Lose. My. Mind. if this happened.

This (& nothing like it) can or should ever happen again.

Go absolutely nuclear on this. Now. Here. Today. He needs the fear of jesus in him.

I would also photograph it as grim as it is... 🤢 just in case so if he wants to try and downplay it he can't deny it or say it want that bad.

If you want / need to leave sooner Google "hotel 24 hour check in <your area>" give them a call ahead of going explain you are heavily pregnant it's a bit of an emergency, you are desperate for sleep and need a quiet room, can they help?

Why did I read this thread? 🤢
Coincidentally, I'm up to let the dog out for a poo😉
I'd get out of there op, that's absolutely horrendous and don't come back until it's clean.
You do realise that he's probably not going to be in a fit state to clean it properly when he finally surfaces, he's going to be seriously hungover.
If it's on carpet in the hallway buy some baking soda and when he's cleaned up sprinkle baking soda on the area, leave for a while then hoover, repeat if needed, for more stubborn stains mix into a paste and work it into the pile the hoover when dry (he needs to do this, not you).
Baking soda will also get rid of the smell.
I've used it when ddog had an accident on my cream carpet.
I feel disgusted on your behalf

Have you been pregnant? Even the comfiest of beds can be unbearably painful if you have any hip pain while pregnant. I spent nights unable to sleep due to the pain. A sofa would have been hell!

Def go to a Premier Inn or similar, have a lovely big breakfast and lots of tea and then the minute today's check in can start get in and spend the day in their (very comfy!) bed and sleep well tonight. I'd say the broken pipe or similar story to see if you can get in early- the husband's poo story would be so mortifying 😳😂

As for him 🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬 Having drinks to unwind, not terrible, having 'accidents', repairable, it will all depend on his reaction. Like a PP says- any attempt to minimise this will paint a v different picture. Not saying he should live in shame for eternity, but if he doesn't apologise and sort it all out with and be deeply regretful of what and how it all occurred then it is pretty close to a LTB tbh!

That's so sickening and disgusting. I would have to leave the house straight away to go anywhere else. Good luck op, so sorry you're in this situation which would be awful in normal circumstances but utterly intolerable when so heavily pregnant.

Take a set of photos before you go, for future reference in case he minimises or is completely blank about what has happened.

Whatever he has drunk or ingested has not agreed with him & this is a cautionary tale/tail for him.

Book yourself a couple of nights away so that he has plenty of ‘sober’ time to clean up thoroughly after himself. Book a taxi to get there as you have not slept well & do not need the additional stress of driving.

Me too.
I'd be running down the street in my PJ's.
God, OP, I feel so sorry for you, it's just disgusting. My sense of smell was off the charts when I was pregnant. It must be horrific for you.
Second the advice about getting to a local hotel. You shouldn't have to tolerate this at all.
Has he ever done this kind of thing before?

You need to remove yourself from this, it's not going to do you or baby any good

Get on the premier inn site and see what's available

You could go immediately and it count as night 1, check out at noon / get a second night (I'm for the second night)

Some have an early -11am - check in but I think you only know this when they email you the day before. But you could ring and ask

But get out of the house, into a comfortable bed, get some sleep and then take stock

I'm worried that you have to work around the poo and poo-maker to get your stuff to leave. Ugh, this is so bloody horrible for you!

To be fair I have PGP and sciatic nerve pain in my legs so it's not really the sofa but the lack of space to get in to a comfortable position.

I had clean washing in the machine ready to hang out and it was delicates. I've not checked whether he removed it first or not. Dread to think.

As in cocaine? He has never done drugs in his life so I'd be surprised. Is this typical of being on coke?

Unlikely to be coke combined with that much alcohol. He's probably just bladdered.

OP does he often drink this much?

Oh op how awful!!

Hope you manage some sleep... I suspect your DH will be absolutely mortified when he wakes and realises and I hope this is a lesson to him!

Sending you big hugs as I am sure all you want is just to sleep.

Never done it before. He's gotten very drunk and been nasty once or twice in the past (I really do mean once or twice) but never done anything like this and obviously never physically hurt me or anything. I do think he will be very sorry when he sobers up but I am going to be expecting a huge bunch of flowers and an apology meal at the very least I think.

Jeez, that's vile! I've been drunk a fair few times but I've never shat everywhere! 🤢
Whatever you do, DO NOT clean up for him!

I'd also be tempted to drive off somewhere until it's thoroughly cleaned. He needs to understand this is bang out of order.

Deleted.

The very least you need to demand is that he never, ever gets this drunk again. Indeed if he can’t control himself when drinking, he should probably stop drinking altogether.

You have a child to think about now. One day they may have to deal with this. I learned that the hard way. Don’t be soft, don’t minimise it, don’t put up with it. It needs to never happen again.

If he put clothing with crap on them, your machine will also need to be disinfected and the door and seals also. Chances are he did not remove your clothes before putting his crap covered clothing in it, so that is another problem HE needs to fix.

You need to go somewhere where you can rest and get sleep. The stress and lack of sleep cannot be in the baby's best interests. A hotel is the best place to go if you don't have a close friend or family member close by that you can count upon.

The fact that "He's gotten very drunk and been nasty once or twice in the past (I really do mean once or twice) but never done anything like this and obviously never physically hurt me or anything.", is not the ringing endorsement you may think it is. ONCE is forgivable, barely, but any more than that is showing a lack of respect to you. If someone gets nasty when they get very drunk, then drinking is not something they should be doing, because they cannot control themselves.

I have severe IBS and have had some horrific accidents. Why anyone would drink to the state of doing even worse is beyond my comprehension.

SECONDED

There is only one solution:

How horrible for you OP! Please do not lift a finger other than to dial for a room somewhere. Do not clean up one atom, he must do it. I fully expect he's just bundled his dirty clothes into the machine without removing your things, too.

Your priority needs to be rest now, turn your phone off after leaving a brief text to say you have gone to get rest and that he must clean everything up so the house is spotless before you will return. And stick to it!

I don't love this update.

1. There's some form for this behaviour.

Agree with @Nanaof1 it's not the endorsement you think it is.

1. Your bar for forgiveness seems to be dropping rapidly and "flowers and food" is a low and weird bar.

I'd rather have him arrange and pay for professional carpet cleaning vs. a big bunch of pointless flowers and a meal I can't eat/ enjoy due to having chronic heartburn and a stomach the size of a sparrow due to having a bowling ball strapped to my torso

This is awful OP, I hope you got a hotel room ok and are now getting some rest.

Just ring a few hotels, explain you're pregnant and a leak at home means you eed to move out for the day. I'm sure someone will assist.
Message him and let him know that the house needs to be spotless and smell beautiful before you'll return home.