To be honest I just need to rant, I know IANBU but don't know what to do except seethe.
Just before LTB comments start- DH is usually lovely and rarely drinks.
DH went out last night- fine. He had no key and was utterly incoherent when I tried to call/text so I waited up until 2am for him to get home so I could lock up. Then went to bed and he was snoring- I kid you not- like he had some sort of jet engine installed in his chest. He also kept violently shaking and making the bed move like there was some sort of earthquake. He seemed fine medically, just very very drunk. I'm 7 months pregnant, perpetually exhausted, and can barely sleep as it is so obviously couldn't cope with this. He wouldn't stop it or wake up fully when I asked (yelled) at him to go and sleep on the sofa if he was so drunk, and in fact kept telling me to fuck off. So, 2.30am I get my stuff and go sleep on the sofa, which isn't the comfiest when heavily pregnant but is better than a bed installed with earthquake plates.
I must've fallen asleep because at 4am I am awoken by all the lights suddenly being on and an almightly banging in the hallway and kitchen. The washing machine is also inexplicibly on and so obviously the whole living room/kitchen wall has decided to get in on the action and is being as loud as it can possibly be. I try and sleep through it for about 20 minutes before getting up to see what on earth is going on. DH is now fast asleep again, sprawled across the whole bed, but there is a massive stinking pile of poo on the hallway carpet, with splatters leading in to the kitchen. The bathtub is FULL of what I can only describe as poo-confetti. Everything stinks. It's not diarrhea- I'd be a little more understanding of that- but actual solid poo. Now I'm awake (as are, unfortunately, my nostrils) I can't get back to sleep. My back and legs are killing me from sitting/lying on the sofa but absolutely no way do I want to get back in to bed with him (doubt he'd even make room) and I am refusing to clean up on principle but the whole downstairs utterly reeks. He won't clean up- he's still totally incoherent and is refusing to move out of bed.
So now I'm sat here on the sofa, in pain and furious, unable to sleep. What on earth do I do now? I've nowhere to go without a 2+ hour drive which I'm too tired for. What on earth do I do when he wakes up/what is an appropriate punishment/way for him to make up for this? Utterly grossed out and fuming.