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Original poster

Poo-gate, what to do?

310 replies

notallmenbutalwaysaman · 30/12/2023 05:00

To be honest I just need to rant, I know IANBU but don't know what to do except seethe.

Just before LTB comments start- DH is usually lovely and rarely drinks.

DH went out last night- fine. He had no key and was utterly incoherent when I tried to call/text so I waited up until 2am for him to get home so I could lock up. Then went to bed and he was snoring- I kid you not- like he had some sort of jet engine installed in his chest. He also kept violently shaking and making the bed move like there was some sort of earthquake. He seemed fine medically, just very very drunk. I'm 7 months pregnant, perpetually exhausted, and can barely sleep as it is so obviously couldn't cope with this. He wouldn't stop it or wake up fully when I asked (yelled) at him to go and sleep on the sofa if he was so drunk, and in fact kept telling me to fuck off. So, 2.30am I get my stuff and go sleep on the sofa, which isn't the comfiest when heavily pregnant but is better than a bed installed with earthquake plates.

I must've fallen asleep because at 4am I am awoken by all the lights suddenly being on and an almightly banging in the hallway and kitchen. The washing machine is also inexplicibly on and so obviously the whole living room/kitchen wall has decided to get in on the action and is being as loud as it can possibly be. I try and sleep through it for about 20 minutes before getting up to see what on earth is going on. DH is now fast asleep again, sprawled across the whole bed, but there is a massive stinking pile of poo on the hallway carpet, with splatters leading in to the kitchen. The bathtub is FULL of what I can only describe as poo-confetti. Everything stinks. It's not diarrhea- I'd be a little more understanding of that- but actual solid poo. Now I'm awake (as are, unfortunately, my nostrils) I can't get back to sleep. My back and legs are killing me from sitting/lying on the sofa but absolutely no way do I want to get back in to bed with him (doubt he'd even make room) and I am refusing to clean up on principle but the whole downstairs utterly reeks. He won't clean up- he's still totally incoherent and is refusing to move out of bed.

So now I'm sat here on the sofa, in pain and furious, unable to sleep. What on earth do I do now? I've nowhere to go without a 2+ hour drive which I'm too tired for. What on earth do I do when he wakes up/what is an appropriate punishment/way for him to make up for this? Utterly grossed out and fuming.

OP posts:
2jacqi · 30/12/2023 08:48

@notallmenbutalwaysaman I would also consider taking pics of the disaster area to blackmail him in the future re going out!!!!! consider calling DEFRA

raindropsonatinroof · 30/12/2023 08:49

2jacqi · 30/12/2023 08:48

@notallmenbutalwaysaman I would also consider taking pics of the disaster area to blackmail him in the future re going out!!!!! consider calling DEFRA

Edited

Yes, I'd be texting him the photos every damn time he goes out as a reminder.

ripplingwater · 30/12/2023 08:52

He needs to clean it up whilst hungover. He won't forget that feeling.

Pack a bag and go out for a while and let him worry about where you are. Make the consequences as grim for him as possible as otherwise he will just think he can do it again and you'll sort it all out for him. The only way people realise the stupidity of their drunken actions is if they have to deal with the consequences

PinkflowersWhiteBerries · 30/12/2023 08:52

Like Whirlingdevonish, I have, sadly, had to deal with poo everywhere, and as well as flowers, dinner, possibly a divorce, you are going to need new carpet wherever he managed to hit.

A professional can sanitise it, but the stains remain.

He sounds awful, and I am sorry you have this to deal with , while you are pregnant and uncomfortable.

whyhere · 30/12/2023 08:53

While I completely agree with everyone's revulsion, and with the view that it is in no way the OP's responsibility to deal with the mess, would any of the women who've posted here honestly trust a man to clean up this total chaos to the required standard? I wouldn't.

WickedSerious · 30/12/2023 08:53

I'd be looking for someone to hold him down while I rubbed his nose in it.

Peaceandquietandacuppa · 30/12/2023 08:54

Oh OP, I’m so sorry! When I was pregnant my sense of smell was so heightened, I’d have been vomiting by now :(

This is really unacceptable behaviour and telling you to fuck off?! I wouldn’t get over it. I’ve seen my husband paralytic drunk but he turns soppy, never nasty, where is his behaviour coming from? Could it be drugs as well maybe, as this seems extreme.

I would go out, book a taxi to the nearest hotel for tonight as well until it’s all disinfected and cleaned. And then a big chat about how you move forward. Big love x

ripplingwater · 30/12/2023 08:54

whyhere · 30/12/2023 08:53

While I completely agree with everyone's revulsion, and with the view that it is in no way the OP's responsibility to deal with the mess, would any of the women who've posted here honestly trust a man to clean up this total chaos to the required standard? I wouldn't.

Probably not and I'd probably clean again after he did it but he does need to see it in all its glory as if the OP does it, he'll just assume it "wasn't that bad".

Dynamoat · 30/12/2023 08:55

He needs to clean, repaint anything he's splattered, scrub out the washing machine thoroughly and clean the filter, buy new bedding. Then he needs to never drink again. Imagine your 6 month old crawling around in your partner's poo.

MariaVT65 · 30/12/2023 08:57

whyhere · 30/12/2023 08:53

While I completely agree with everyone's revulsion, and with the view that it is in no way the OP's responsibility to deal with the mess, would any of the women who've posted here honestly trust a man to clean up this total chaos to the required standard? I wouldn't.

This is why i said he needs to clean it up best he can and then call in a professional to go over it. A 7 month pregnant woman should not be doing that. With the sciatica op referenced i’d be surprised if she could even do it anyway with all the bending down etc.

5128gap · 30/12/2023 08:58

Whether you clean up or leave it for him is entirely up to you OP and which you consider the least worst option. However, if you do leave it for him, be very careful not to allow him to see that as the resolution. Because before you know it the narrative here will become 'well I cleaned it up, didn't I?' so no real harm done. Which of you cleans up is largely irrelevant in showing him actions have consequences ad the consequences for this behaviour need to be a lot more serious than him cleaning up after himself and thinking he's put things right.

WilmaWonka · 30/12/2023 08:59

Agree, absolutely do not clean it up OP.

Do you work? Could you spend a week or so away with family? Hopefully you have had some rest before you attempt a 2 hour drive.

I couldn’t stay in that property until I knew it was professionally cleaned (poor cleaners)if there is splatters everywhere. I also wouldn’t want to see the disgusting man. Couldn’t look at him the same again. No excuse for getting so off your face, you shit everywhere in a property shared with a pregnant woman!

Sorry but that would be it for me.

Hiddenvoice · 30/12/2023 08:59

Op this is awful! I’m 7 months pregnant and been in a lot of pain lately too but in your situation, I’d be getting up, packing a bag of clothes and just leaving. I’d book a hotel and wouldn’t contact him until he contacts you. I’d let him wake up a hungover mess and try figure all this out for himself.

Sorry to say, this would also really make me doubt raising a child with him and would want him to stop drinking. Flowers etc isn’t an apology for this.

Gettincoldouthere · 30/12/2023 09:00

Struggling to understand how a solid poo including poo confetti (whatever that is) is in the bathtub, on walls, on carpets. Doesn’t make any sense to me.

ItAintGonnaGoDownEasyIfItAintCheezy · 30/12/2023 09:02

Why specify no LTB responses? Your DP/H is a fucking animal.

He probably knows you won't leave him so doesn't give a fuck about his actions.

I'd raise my bar if I were you, op. He'll only get worse as time goes on, as his repeated 'nasty' episodes when drunk previously show.

Look forward to him wetting the baby's head though yeah 👍🏼

wudubelieveit · 30/12/2023 09:03

i am having flashbacks to Spud in "Trainspotting" who poos the bed in his GF's house - that was hilariously disgusting but I'm so sorry for you OP, sending hugs!

FringeOrNo · 30/12/2023 09:03

No I wouldn’t . Especially not whilst hungover. I’d be staying away until the relevant carpets are replaced and house deep cleaned to a decent standard.

Harrysutton · 30/12/2023 09:04

Jeez that's grim. Hope he's awake and cleaned it up!

Startingagainandagain · 30/12/2023 09:05

I am so sorry you had to deal wit that OP.

Honestly? I don't think I could get past this. It is so disgusting I probably would have that picture in my mind every time I look at him from now on.

People have given good advice already about a hotel and the fact that it very likely that you will need professional cleaning for the carpet or the stains will still show.

Leave him a message to that effect: he needs to have everything cleaned up and that includes a cleaning company shampooing the carpet or even a new carpet if the stains don't come off before you consider coming back home...

Asifiwouldnt · 30/12/2023 09:06

This is one of the worst things I’ve read on here and I would be so angry I wouldn’t be able to sleep all day anyway I don’t think.

I appreciate he’s too drunk to realise what hell he has unleashed on the house but the fact he got that drunk when his wife is 7m pregnant (I’d had all of mine by 35 weeks) is so hurtful and utterly selfish of him.

I’ve been very drunk when I was young and single but I’ve never got to the point of smearing poo all over the house so I’m confused how he was able to get up and get stuff in the wash but not realise the carpet was covered?

And what’s in the wash? The bed sheets? So is he now covered in shit and lying on the mattress and bare duvet?

Defintely take photos and send him a text with them saying you waited up until 2 then had 30 mins sleep on the sofa before all this occurred and you then left the house because you were so appalled. Set his alarm on repeat and don’t go home until every single bit of the house is spotless.

Mix56 · 30/12/2023 09:06

He will be too sick to clean up till at least the afternoon.
You need to go to family, or you will be in this environment possibly until tomorrow.
He will be too hung over to do it properly, you will seethe & be furious he has not done it to your standards.
It is possible the mattress needs replacing.
You are not sleeping on the sofa.
Just go, take the car. leave a message that you will not be living in his cess pit.
& you have gone to X, & will be considering your options.
& GO

Original poster
notallmenbutalwaysaman · 30/12/2023 09:06

Fucking hell, what a night. Anyway something else came out when he woke up (still very drunk) and now poo-gate is the least of my worries. Thank you for all the replies and support but I need to leave the thread now as I think I am actually in shock. He has been thrown out temporarily whilst I think.

OP posts:
Sux2buthen · 30/12/2023 09:07

margotrose · 30/12/2023 08:37

Why do you never hear stories about women shitting on the floor or pissing in wardrobes when they're drunk?

I would be seriously rethinking my relationship at this point. Eurgh.

It really depends who you talk to lol

ZekeZeke · 30/12/2023 09:07

Deleted

justasking111 · 30/12/2023 09:07

This happened to a friend, she went home to her mother. When he sobered up said it was too awful to clean up made him vomit. So she stayed away. Four days it took him. She came home to a new mattress, bed linen, etc.

He never did it again