Being told what to order from takeaway..

[Beanz2022]

friend invited me round for drinks and food, she said we could get indian takeaway..(context, her and her husband are veggies) she text me one hour before and said would it be OK if you didn't order a meat dish as we don't allow meat in the house.. so I ended up having a vegetable curry which, I really hated.. she had whatever she wanted and thoroughly enjoyed it.. why invite me round if you know I eat meat and won't allow me to order what I want.

For most omnivores, it's the desire not to ONLY eat vegetables, as we often enjoy them, but can find them boring on their own.

Then again, some people DO have a horror of eating vegetables - especially, but not limited to, children, many of whom would gladly have chicken nuggets or turkey dinosaurs but detest the thought of any veg.

If we're not wanting to police other people's food choices - whether they come from beliefs, likes/dislikes or both - it needs to work both ways.

I do have an issue with people trying to enforce their beliefs on other people.

Which op absolutely would be doing if she insisted on eating meat in her vegetarian friends house.

Well, in this weirdo friend's house. Most veggies wouldn'tve had a problem with someone ordering a meat dish for themselves. But I don't think anyone's saying OP should've said 'tough' and ate meat at theirs anyway after they'd said that.

The easiest thing would be for op to actually say no, I don't fancy that and either decline or they go out.

If I was caught on the back foot like that and needed to eat, I would've found it hard to immediately tell them I didn't fancy a veg one and would rather do something else, too.

@TheCorrupter that reminds me of when I stayed at a friend's for Xmas and she said she'd made lamb curry 😆

My face must have been a picture. Can't remember what I did eat, probably went out and got a sandwich, it was central London

that reminds me of when I stayed at a friend's for Xmas and she said she'd made lamb curry

Oh stop it, you're making me hungry. My favourite. Lamb balti FTW.

Bait and switch?

People forget, that's literally it. Meat eaters always, I mean always forget I don't eat meat when they host.
And yes, a couple who both don't have animal products will have it as a norm for them. They won't even notice so when ordering something that comes as a cuisine with a huge cultural vegetarian history I imagine they might forget some people like to put meat in it.

I probably would have paid just because that's what a goat does anyway but I doubt that would solve the problem because op seems very against the idea they could possibly enjoy a vegetarian dish.

People are being assholes toward you, OP.

Of course they should not hace restricted your order.

Then you should have text her back and said no, you want meat / fish. Why so passive? Why eat something you dislike?

Why is she a weirdo just because she doesn't want something she's morally opposed to in her house. I don't allow porn or cigarettes iny house either
Most veggies wouldn'tve had a problem with someone ordering a meat dish for themselves. ,
Source please

People forget, that's literally it. Meat eaters always, I mean always forget I don't eat meat when they host.

That's really unimpressive of those people. I'dve thought most people would provide a veggie dish for you.

And yes, a couple who both don't have animal products will have it as a norm for them. They won't even notice so when ordering something that comes as a cuisine with a huge cultural vegetarian history I imagine they might forget some people like to put meat in it.

But they didn't forget some people eat meat, they explicitly told OP meat was banned.

I'm explaining why it may have been an hour before. As I explained upthread I did that once before as we just think of our own lives as normal, like everyone else will. In that case I offered to pay but I can see why it could happen that way.

@TheCorrupter I'm getting on now and I've never met someone who banned people ordering a takeaway with meat in it for themselves, when takeaways were being ordered. And I've known quite a lot of hippies.

That would indeed have been the easiest thing for OP to have done - but the easiest thing for her friend to have done first would have been to tell her plenty in advance: "If you eat at my house, you're not allowed to eat meat; if you want meat, we eat out".

I'd say the same thing (in reverse) had OP been hosting and then, only an hour before, having made plans together plenty in advance, dropped it that she was only willing to host a takeaway for herself and her vegetarian friend if they got it from the local steak house.

Vegetarians and vegans are fully entitled to expect their own preferences to be accommodated, but I really don't get the faux surprise that some exhibit that omnivores DO eat meat and consider it a normal part of their diet. It's only polite to make it clear that, if an omnivore chooses a certain proposed option, meat will be off the cards; just as it would be to warn a non-meat-eater if a suggested get-together would preclude or seriously limit non-meat options.

It's quite simple. I don't want dead things in my house on my cutlery.
As I said before, perhaps if you envision a golden retriever curry you may be able to understand.

Why is he in charge

That doesn't matter. It wasn't what she wanted.

"If you eat at my house, you're not allowed to eat meat; if you want meat, we eat out".

They probably would pull faces (at least inwardly/to each other) if someone orders meat while out, too. They just can't enforce people not having it in a restaurant like they can in their home.

In my case I also forgot because I have been literally veggie my whole life, so it's not a surprise I'm springing on anyone. If ops friends are close enough I imagine they assumed she'd know what the deal would be.

I mean, I adapt my behaviour all the time around friends. Avoid certain topics, don't bring children to some etc. I don't have to be explicitly told each time I just know what's important to them and make a judgement call.

This is exactly what I was trying to say but didn’t word it nearly as well. Thank you.

And that is 100% your prerogative.

I wouldn't choose to eat dog myself, but I know that it's a very popular meat in some countries, as is horse.

As I said, it's all about communicating to people so that they have the facts at hand to enable them to make suitable choices and then everybody can be happy and feel respected.

It's quite simple. I don't want dead things in my house on my cutlery.

I understand you have issues. But what I was saying is it is weird i.e. not the norm.

Plenty of people are criticising the OP’s friend for not allowing meat in her house. Newsflash: different people have different values. OP isn’t wrong to dislike vegetable curry, but she is wrong to still go to her friend’s house after she’d been told she couldn’t order meat and then moan about it.

Well yes you can consider them issues I guess. I think it's weird to eat an animal that wants to live but you do you.
Porridge is veggie by the way so you might wa t to put some bacon in your username unless you want to be seen as weird.

How do you know she wasn’t already at their house when she was told this? It doesn’t state in her OP where she was. She’s not wrong for moaning, she’s perfectly entitled to moan about whatever she wants. It’s one thing telling people you can’t eat meat in your house (fair enough), but telling people what they can and can’t complain about is a different matter entirely.

YANBU. I can't believe a friend would dictate what you have to eat! Unless it's nuts and allergies or something, they sound a bit of a nazi!! Bizarre.

OP isn’t wrong to dislike vegetable curry, but she is wrong to still go to her friend’s house aftershe’d been told she couldn’t order meat and then moan about it.

It's just one of those annoyances isn't it? And sometimes it's hard to think of a different plan/be assertive on the spot for a lot of people. She's just letting off steam here and maybe thinking of how to handle things with them in future.

People moan about a lot of things on here that they didn't say anything about at the time but weren't happy about. Not everyone is successfully assertive or whatever in the moment, every time.