Being told what to order from takeaway..

[Beanz2022]

friend invited me round for drinks and food, she said we could get indian takeaway..(context, her and her husband are veggies) she text me one hour before and said would it be OK if you didn't order a meat dish as we don't allow meat in the house.. so I ended up having a vegetable curry which, I really hated.. she had whatever she wanted and thoroughly enjoyed it.. why invite me round if you know I eat meat and won't allow me to order what I want.

I would say it's very normal for vegetarians to not want meat in their house, on their plates etc. And no I'm not veggie, but I have friends who are and they don't have meat in their houses. I wouldn't order a meaty takeaway at their house!

It's funny because people always whine that vegans can't stop telling people they're vegan.

But the general consensus here is every time I invite someone round I gotta go btw still vegan. Don't bring meat.

@TheCorrupter I used to know some hardcore vegans and even they wouldn't ban meat stuff from a pot luck.

@FatherJackHackettsUnderpantsHamper

For most omnivores, it's the desire not to ONLY eat vegetables, as we often enjoy them, but can find them boring on their own.

Have you surveyed omnivores?

What's the percentage who enjoy but find them boring?

What's the percentage who enjoy and find them tasty and exciting?

PS I'm an omnivore. You don't speak for me.

Not necessarily. Several curries at our local don't have veg - probably a ploy so cjstomers order a veg side as well!! I often just have grilled spiced meat (no sauce) which I eat with yogurt and naan.

Personally I wouldn't eat beef in a Hindu house, or pork in a Jewish person's house, or drink alcohol in a msuclim person's house. This just feels incredibly disrespectful?

On the same vein if someone is vegetarian I wouldn't eat meat in their house? I can literally eat a lamb curry every day of my life if I want I really don't need to consume it in a vegetarians home.

Well I disagree. She isn’t entitled to moan when she did absolutely nothing to change the situation. She could have said “I don’t really fancy vegetable curry; I’ll just come over later for drinks” - or, if she was already there as you suggest (which doesn’t seem particularly likely, or the OP would have said so), she could have chosen to leave.

People almost always have a choice. They may not like the options, but that’s very different to having no choice.

Well, yes I don't doubt you consider them handcore vegans, but seeing as there's no rating scale of vegans, or omnivores in fact you'll just have to accept the fact that many vegans and vegetarians don't allow meat in their homes. Joining Muslims, Jews and Hindus who have the right to practice their beliefs in their own homes and not suspend them because someone can't go five minutes without bacon.

I don’t like vegetable curries. That doesn’t make me unreasonable

I feel your pain OP. If she was cooking or paying for the meal fair enough, but dictating a takeaway order you're paying for is controlling and weird. Next time say no.

This is one of the weirdest comments on here I've ever seen 😂

As you well know, of course I haven't surveyed omnivores.

In my post, I used words like 'most', 'often' and 'can', so you'll be pleased to know that I clearly wasn't attempting to speak for you.

Isn't it self-explanatory that, in general, omnivores would find it boring to restrict the food groups that they eat from? Otherwise, surely they would not choose to be, omnivores.

Who would actually choose to eat (potentially) ALL foodstuffs, but not find it boring if somebody told them that they had to drop certain entire food groups?

Her request was completely reasonable for her own home. If a family keeps kosher or alcohol free for moral reasons it is also reasonable for them to ask guests not to bring pork or alcohol into their home.

You could have suggested a different type of takeaway that would have a vegetarian option you do like or just responded “why don’t we both eat beforehand and I’ll just bring dessert or wine?” You chose not to, and (oh the horror) ate one meal you disliked. Move on and make a different choice next time.

I mean she didn't tell you what to order, she simply told you she didn't want you to order meat into her home. You could have said you didn't want to participate in the takeaway and you'd go round for drinks or whatever. Also you can ask for a plain curry, no meat but also no veg, the sauce tastes just as good.

It's not really a preference she was insisting on, it's a moral belief. Some vegetarians and vegans can't stomach the thought of meat in their house because they know where it came from and it upsets them. Sometimes they don't like the smell and it can make them feel sick. And sometimes it's just insisting that they don't want to compromise their own morals by allowing something they don't believe in into their house.

You can always so no, you'd prefer to not spend your money on something you won't enjoy. But most people enjoy plenty from the takeaway that isn't meat, like the sauce and the chips and rice etc. She wasn't expecting you to eat a bowl of broccoli or starve. There's plenty of wonderful veggie options.

No one is telling them that they have to drop certain food groups. Just that for one meal in this house they can respect the hosts beliefs.

And I'm pretty sure you wouldn't let a friend turn up with dog meat, or cat meat or sharkmeat in your own houses even if they normally ate it.

Really it's one meal. She's not moving in.

I eat meat, but I don’t think it’s particularly unusual for vegetarians not to want meat in their house. The question of who pays is completely irrelevant because it’s a vegetarian household.

I still don't buy the faux-naive suggestion that vegans and vegetarians are so other-worldly that it simply doesn't cross their minds that a great many other people are not vegans or vegetarians.

Do they never go to restaurants that are not exclusively V or shop in supermarkets that sell loads of non-V foods - and so automatically check the labels of any foods that they cannot be certain are V-suitable?

Why do so many foods bear the V logo prominently in the first place, if we're to believe that all people who are V just cannot comprehend that any food wouldn't be V and so would never think to look anyway?

Also you can ask for a plain curry, no meat but also no veg, the sauce tastes just as good.

😂 Yes that'll be £9 please.

It's a special rare treat meal - an expensive one - not just any old ordinary meal.

And why is it OK to tell somebody who specifically wants meat that they can just shut up and do without it, but it obviously wouldn't be OK to tell a vegan or vegetarian that they can just shut up and eat the meat dish on this one single occasion, as there's no suitable alternative for them?

Before anybody says "But omnivores CAN eat non-meaty food", nobody is disputing that; it's about personal choice and agency for each individual. Why does one person have a choice, but another doesn't?

Invite her over and say you’re getting an Indian takeaway. INSIST that she has meat since your household is a meat-eating one.
Oh and make her pay for her own.

And I'm pretty sure you wouldn't let a friend turn up with dog meat, or cat meat or sharkmeat in your own houses even if they normally ate it.

...Also, on this point, absolutely nobody in the culture that I live in regularly eats these foods, so it's a moot point. To be honest, I don't think I would have any great objection in the very unlikely event that they did, as I happily eat meat from other animals, so ethically, I can see the equivalence.

Much as vegans and vegetarians might prefer it not be the case, those in the UK DO live in a culture where the majority of people eat some kind of meat as part of their regular diet. Nobody is saying that you have to buy, touch or have it in your own home if you don't want to (other non-V householders notwithstanding); but again, it's silly (and patronising) for anybody to claim that a V simply wouldn't realise that most other people do eat meat.

And why is it OK to tell somebody who specifically wants meat that they can just shut up and do without it, but it obviously wouldn't be OK to tell a vegan or vegetarian that they can just shut up and eat the meat dish on this one single occasion, as there's no suitable alternative for them?

For the same reason that saying “please don’t have sex in my living room” is not the same thing as telling a guest to suck it up and have sex even if they don’t want to. Asking someone to refrain from something is not the equivalent of insisting that they do something they have an ethical opposition to.

But regardless, vegetarians are frequently faced with invitations where the planned meal isn’t vegetarian. The conversation for functional adults goes like this:
Host: “Hey, looking forward to seeing you tonight. I was planning for us to order from Meaty McCheesy Restaurant”
Guest: “I’m looking forward to it, too. That restaurant doesn’t have any good vegetarian options for me, though. How about Omnivores Deluxe? Or we can do post-dinner drinks instead of dinner.”

.not saying they completely forget, I'm saying that like meat eaters who repeatedly fail.to remember to cater to vegetarian and vegans it slips their mind because it's not something they'd normally consider.

And yes, I'm asking the question about dog meat because it is relevant as it's an example of whether you'd abandon your own morales and values to be a 'good host'. Just because you think it's unlikely to come about doesn't mean you can't engage with the premise.

Let's be clear. I know most people don't like the thought of eating dogs. I am asking would you put this aside because someone asked you to and allow someone to carve one up on your plates using your cutlery because of etiquette.

And no, obviously vegans and vegetarians can't eat meat so you either host them graciously which usually means providing them with a shit but roast and nothing else if we are lucky, whilst you tick into meat. Eating meat is not a neutral act, by asking vegans to cook you meat you are asking them to tear up their principles.

I don't see why it's ok to do this with meat specifically yet people are allowed to draw boundaries for daft things like shoes in the house and which toilet to use.

Bit mean of her. I don't eat pork but if my friend wants to order pork fried rice, for instance I couldn't care less we aren't sharing spoons

We've all got completely different opinions on this.

OP if she's a good friend say to her you didn't enjoy your curry which you paid for, and that you'd like to meet up for non-eating events in the future. Cup of tea or drinks etc.