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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Being told what to order from takeaway..

424 replies

Beanz2022 · 29/12/2023 22:11

friend invited me round for drinks and food, she said we could get indian takeaway..(context, her and her husband are veggies) she text me one hour before and said would it be OK if you didn't order a meat dish as we don't allow meat in the house.. so I ended up having a vegetable curry which, I really hated.. she had whatever she wanted and thoroughly enjoyed it.. why invite me round if you know I eat meat and won't allow me to order what I want.

OP posts:
Tawlk · 29/12/2023 23:59

I’m Vegan, I wouldn’t cook or buy any meat for guests in my home, and most my meat eater friends love any veggie food I prepare. However, If we were all buying our own takeaway of course I wouldn’t dictate what they could order and eat in my home, they would just need to take leftovers home. But, Who in this day and age doesn’t like a veggie curry though?😂 do you ask for your meat curry to have no veg added, how do you make any curry without garlic and onion? 🤔

TheCorrupter · 30/12/2023 00:00

Depends. I lived in a Muslim country and the shops didn't even stock the pork and alcohol in the same room. You had to go through a curtain into a.separate one like getting a porno from the video shop in the nineties.
We weren't allowed to cook bacon in the staffroom kitchen either. Though some of the white expats inevitably did and there was an awkward exodus from the Muslim staff. I felt sorry for them in the face of the entitlement.

Pixiesfan · 30/12/2023 00:01

I was thinking YABU until you said you had to pay for it. Different if your friend was cooking. However you probably should have said. Still YANBU.

Lookingatthesunset · 30/12/2023 00:02

I think your friend, and all the posters supporting her are weirdos.

I don't like most veg, and I couldn't have eaten that. You pay, you choose.

Don't go back - control freak!!

Gowlett · 30/12/2023 00:03

Meat / fish curries often have no veg. They are quite different to veggie curries, even it’s the same base sauce.

Lookingatthesunset · 30/12/2023 00:03

Tawlk · 29/12/2023 23:59

I’m Vegan, I wouldn’t cook or buy any meat for guests in my home, and most my meat eater friends love any veggie food I prepare. However, If we were all buying our own takeaway of course I wouldn’t dictate what they could order and eat in my home, they would just need to take leftovers home. But, Who in this day and age doesn’t like a veggie curry though?😂 do you ask for your meat curry to have no veg added, how do you make any curry without garlic and onion? 🤔

Me. I don't like veg, and I don't like curry. Shoot me.

SouthLondonMum22 · 30/12/2023 00:03

Tawlk · 29/12/2023 23:59

I’m Vegan, I wouldn’t cook or buy any meat for guests in my home, and most my meat eater friends love any veggie food I prepare. However, If we were all buying our own takeaway of course I wouldn’t dictate what they could order and eat in my home, they would just need to take leftovers home. But, Who in this day and age doesn’t like a veggie curry though?😂 do you ask for your meat curry to have no veg added, how do you make any curry without garlic and onion? 🤔

Are preferences not allowed 'in this day and age'?

Tawlk · 30/12/2023 00:03

Gowlett · 30/12/2023 00:03

Meat / fish curries often have no veg. They are quite different to veggie curries, even it’s the same base sauce.

How do you make a curry without onion, garlic, ginger and often tomato?

Tawlk · 30/12/2023 00:05

SouthLondonMum22 · 30/12/2023 00:03

Are preferences not allowed 'in this day and age'?

That was a joke 😂 I’m well aware some can’t stand veg of any sort.

Tawlk · 30/12/2023 00:05

Lookingatthesunset · 30/12/2023 00:03

Me. I don't like veg, and I don't like curry. Shoot me.

😂😂😂

therealcookiemonster · 30/12/2023 00:05

@porridgeisbae err..... I can categorically inform you that no practising Muslim would allow pork or alcohol into their house. similarly re Hindus - even non religious Hindus usually would not allow beef and strict Hindus would not only not have meat or fish in their house, many of them also don't eat onions or garlic! no chance would they be ok with non veg food entering their house. but also I am yet to meet a Muslim or a Hindu who makes a guest pay for their food. it is a central part of both hindu and muslim religous practice to be hospitable. eating our is different and most living in this country would be fine. I usually ask my Hindu friends if they would be OK before I order beef in a restaurant out of respect. there are some who I know are very strict so I don't even ask, I just don't order it out of respect.

porridgeisbae · 30/12/2023 00:08

The rigid meat eaters are out in force today (because of course rajma and daal are the only vegetarian options on an Indian restaurant menu).

@YetAnotherSpartacus It was other posters who were going on about ordering dhal and stuff.

I'm not a rigid meat eater, it's that I never eat meat the rest of the time. So if I eat out that's what I'll have.

TheCorrupter · 30/12/2023 00:09

@therealcookiemonster it's nice you are respectful and your friends sound like good hosts.
To be fair, if you ask, I don't think you'll get a truthful answer due to people being polite. I hate the smell of meat and sight of bones and it was only being sick and vomiting all the time that meant I had to start saying actually I do mind. So asking imo is a bit pointless.

Tonight1 · 30/12/2023 00:10

Although I don't eat meat I eat fish/seafood. If I was told not to then I'd have vegetable biryani or ceylon, as I love hot and sour.

Really curious about what OP actually ordered? If it was just a vegetable curry it wouldn't have been that appetising

TheCorrupter · 30/12/2023 00:10

Oh I missed out when pregnant from my post. It bothers me most of the time but only projectile when expecting

Deathbyfluffy · 30/12/2023 00:11

BananaPyjamaLlama · 29/12/2023 22:48

One evening meal without chicken...... not a disaster. Veg curry is lovely. I think you are being ridiculous and childish.
She didnt tell you what to order, she said please dont eat meat in my house which is entirely reasonable. If you were a smoker and she wasnt would you expect to smoke in her house?

Passive smoking is a thing, passive meat eating isn’t.
I can’t believe I’ve had to explain that to what I assume is a grown up functioning adult!

Tawlk · 30/12/2023 00:12

Tonight1 · 30/12/2023 00:10

Although I don't eat meat I eat fish/seafood. If I was told not to then I'd have vegetable biryani or ceylon, as I love hot and sour.

Really curious about what OP actually ordered? If it was just a vegetable curry it wouldn't have been that appetising

I was thinking the same, I love Indian food and I’ve never seen a vegetable curry on the menu.
I’ve seen Veg Korma, Dahl, Veg Biriani etc. the only place I’ve seen a Vegetable curry on a menu would be a non Indian restaurant.

blackpanth · 30/12/2023 00:13

StarlightLime · 29/12/2023 22:15

There are vegetables in meat and fish curries too...

Yeah but meat and fish are better in the curries with the veg... I would of been very annoyed too

FatherJackHackettsUnderpantsHamper · 30/12/2023 00:13

Out of interest, I wonder how the host would have reacted had OP said that she had recently become vegan, and so could she please ask her not to consume or provide any dairy whilst she was there?

I think the extremely short notice is the problem here, and her ‘drip feed’. She suggested an Indian takeaway, so of course OP envisaged eating an Indian takeaway meal that she liked. If the host had said at first that they could get a takeaway BUT it would have to be vegetarian, that would have enabled OP to make an informed choice or suggest an alternative.

Everyone saying they love veggie curry appears to be missing the point. The OP, doesn’t like it. She even ordered , paid for, and ate it and still doesn’t like it.

It doesn’t matter if everyone else in the blooming world loves it, because she doesn’t.

Yes, this entirely.

You are being ridiculous the veg in a meat curry tastes the same , it doesn't become inedible once there is no meat with it.

If you’re an omnivore – and having a planned rare treat – you will quite probably want meat AND accompaniments. I love a good carvery – most of which is delicious vegetables – but that doesn’t mean I’d want to just have the vegetables and no meat. I’d still enjoy it, but it wouldn’t have been the proper full meal that I’d been looking forward to (just as it wouldn’t have been if I’d somehow only been given meat and no vegetables).

It's perfectly fine if people choose to limit their own diets for whatever reason - nobody should try to force or coerce you to eat what you don't want to - but you can't be genuinely surprised if other people don't want to limit/tailor their own diets in the exact same way as you.

porridgeisbae · 30/12/2023 00:13

Oh I missed out when pregnant from my post. It bothers me most of the time but only projectile when expecting

@TheCorrupter Ah ok I was gonna say. Otherwise you could never go out for a meal with anyone who orders meat. Grin

Tonight1 · 30/12/2023 00:14

Tawlk · 30/12/2023 00:12

I was thinking the same, I love Indian food and I’ve never seen a vegetable curry on the menu.
I’ve seen Veg Korma, Dahl, Veg Biriani etc. the only place I’ve seen a Vegetable curry on a menu would be a non Indian restaurant.

It's actually usually in side dishes, alongside things like sag aloo

Lookingatthesunset · 30/12/2023 00:14

I think it's extremely rude to police what someone else chooses to eat!

TheCorrupter · 30/12/2023 00:15

It was pretty spectacular at the time. Like a reverse party trick.

Rattenbury · 30/12/2023 00:17

I'm vegetarian. Have been for 20+ years.
I'm always happy to cook meat for DH, DCs and guests in my house ... I don't want to dictate or force my preferences on someone else. We had family round tonight and I happily baked some homemade sausage rolls for them. I'd never stop anyone from ordering meat as part of a takeaway!

Latewinter · 30/12/2023 00:18

I ca't believe how awful people are being about the friends.

We are vegan. We don't have meat in the house. It's not policing - I would never comment on what people ordered at a restaurant. But I won't have it on my crockery, cookware, or in my house no matter who's paying.

I have never had a problem with it because my friends and family are good people. I've barely ever even had to mention it.