Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Being told what to order from takeaway..

424 replies

Beanz2022 · 29/12/2023 22:11

friend invited me round for drinks and food, she said we could get indian takeaway..(context, her and her husband are veggies) she text me one hour before and said would it be OK if you didn't order a meat dish as we don't allow meat in the house.. so I ended up having a vegetable curry which, I really hated.. she had whatever she wanted and thoroughly enjoyed it.. why invite me round if you know I eat meat and won't allow me to order what I want.

OP posts:
Peaceandquietandacuppa · 29/12/2023 23:29

I don’t think she’s unreasonable to say no meat, same as her not cooking a dinner with meat in it, but she should have paid.

I think YABU to have ordered a curry with broccoli and carrot in it - did you choose it?? The curry houses near me have loads of lovely veggie options, dhal, veggie starters such as onion bhaji, chilli paneer, saag aloo, paneer tikka masala, veggie biryani, garlic naan - I’m a meat eater but veggie Indian takeaway has loads of options.

phoenixrosehere · 29/12/2023 23:30

VanityDiesHard · 29/12/2023 23:16

Sounds pretty controlling to think you have a right to dictate what others eat when they are paying for their own meal. Either host or don't, but if you're not hosting, mind your plate. It isn't hard.

Show quote history

Nothing stopped OP from saying no when asked and/or being upfront and honest about it since they are friends and all. An hour might be short notice to you but it was still enough time for OP to have declined and said no or even that OP would sort themselves out and come over for drinks instead.

It is OP’s friends’ home and they can decide the rules of it as OP can decide if she wants to visit knowing the rules. OP chose to anyway knowing the rules.

Redwineislife · 29/12/2023 23:30

@Beanz2022 I spent a year in India and the overwhelming majority of people, at least in Rajasthan, were vegetarian. The food was incredible and ever since I have order vegetarian meals from Indian restaurants. They are never just broccoli and onions, you have ordered something unusual.

porridgeisbae · 29/12/2023 23:31

Did they make you pay for the unwanted thing? I'dve been annoyed.

They sound uptight @Beanz2022

GuinnessBird · 29/12/2023 23:36

YANBU, she wasn't paying, you were so to dictate what you order is dick behaviour, the lack of notice is just the cherry on top.

I'd have left, nobody tells me what I'm eating if I'm paying

EconomyClassRockstar · 29/12/2023 23:37

IT's pretty simple really. Other than the food, did you have a good time? Did you enjoy hanging with your friend? If so, who cares?! It was one meal and you didn't like it!

TheCorrupter · 29/12/2023 23:37

This happened to me once. Me and partner have been vegetarian so long we forgot other people would want meat. We also travelled India and as has been mentioned vegetarian curries are flavoursome, common and a safe bet.

I offered to pay when I realised they couldn't go one meal without meat. They refused and we ended up having meat in my house. I'm autistic and have quite a strong aversion to dead things in my house and it actually made the whole night very tense for me.

I know everyone loves to bash a veggie, but to help you understand it perhaps you can think about how you'd feel if someone ordered a Dalmatian or retriever curry at yours then used your cutlery and plates to eat it. How you'd feel with the smell wafting around.
I know someone will come and say it's a ridiculous comparison but it's not dogs are about the same friendliness and intelligence as farmed animals and many veggies feel sick at the thought of dead things.

Just be honest say you are happy to have vegetarian at hers but you'd rather not pay for it. Or that you don't ever want a vegetarian meal again and want to go out. Or ditch her over £30 curry.
I'm curious to know whether you would be as miffed if it was a religious vegetarian like a Hindu or a Muslim saying no pork or alcohol. Of course I know the answer

BrightGreenMoonBuggy · 29/12/2023 23:38

If she’d paid for your food I’d have viewed that similarly to her cooking the food - she’d have the right to say I’m not purchasing meat. But if you’re paying and it involves no handling from her then I think you should get to choose whatever food you’d like. I guess she did give you a head’s up so you could’ve eaten at home but a hour notice isn’t long enough. I think she is being unreasonably hardline: I’m vegetarian and I wouldn’t buy or prepare meat but I certainly wouldn’t ban people from eating meat in front of me. My husband eats meat.

Mills86 · 29/12/2023 23:39

Beanz2022 · 29/12/2023 22:21

I absolutely did not say its my belief to eat meal in every meal, but I.dont often get takeaway, so when I do, it would be my absolute preference to have meat in it. Normal preference, no?

You’re not BU. Indian takeaways are the most expensive by some way around here and they’re a treat for us. I’d have wanted to order exactly what I wanted, especially if I was paying. But I’d have respected her wishes but been a little miffed deep down.

Viviennemary · 29/12/2023 23:40

rainbowunicorn · 29/12/2023 22:14

What was it about the curry that you didn't like? The base would have been the same so the main flavours and spices shouldn't have been that different.

I dont like vegetable curry either. But that isn't the point. OP should have had
what she wanted. Her so called friends had what they wanted. Selfish rude idiots.

NoTouch · 29/12/2023 23:40

I've had some nice vegetarian curries before, mainly when we have Indian work colleagues over and take them out for meals (work pays) and ask them to recommend dishes - they tend to order paneer, or other cheese type curries which are ok, never just vegetables in a curry sauce which texture and taste wise are massively disappointing. Lentil curries texture wise are even worse.

If someone else is hosting I'll give anything a try but if I am paying for it myself I'd pass on spending £30-£50 on a veg curry. I'd offer to clean up after my meal or eat before I go and just have drinks together instead. I dont appreciate being told what I am allowed to eat and performance "isn't it really nice, you don't miss the meat do you?" type comments I'd feel obligued to lie answer politey when I am paying.

Epidote · 29/12/2023 23:42

I don't understand the meaning of invite/ invitation that some people have in their minds. If I invite someone to come to mine for dinner I will pay the dinner, take away or not.

Next time have a catch up with just a coffee.

ReadingSoManyThreads · 29/12/2023 23:43

YANBU

I don't like veg curry either. There isn't veg in the curries that I order. I have tried the veg dishes in Asian restaurants and I've been to vegetarian only areas in India, and I still don't like the veg only dishes.

I do of course eat meat-free meals at home, but the only time I'll have veg in my curry is if it's a Thai curry.

I also have quite a few vegetarian friends who entertain regularly and they always serve meat. They've got two BBQ's, one for the vegetarians, and a separate one for meat. I've never been stopped from eating meat by any of my vegetarian friends.

To invite you over, then dictate to you at practically no notice that you cannot eat meat, then you have to pay for your own meal and not enjoy it, is not on. I'd probably have been looking forward to the curry all day, so to have to change my choice at last minute, then not like the dish, and had to pay for it, I'd be so disappointed.

Tonight1 · 29/12/2023 23:43

Which curry did you actually order @Beanz2022? Your UN doesn't make sense, it should be lamb chops or something!

YetAnotherSpartacus · 29/12/2023 23:44

I think YABU to have ordered a curry with broccoli and carrot in it - did you choose it?? The curry houses near me have loads of lovely veggie options, dhal, veggie starters such as onion bhaji, chilli paneer, saag aloo, paneer tikka masala, veggie biryani, garlic naan - I’m a meat eater but veggie Indian takeaway has loads of options.

Exactly. I'm guessing the OP confused vegetarian with vegetable and asked for a vegetable curry ... and got what she got. Sadly, too many meat eaters (the rigid types) think this way.

Sounds like a missed opportunity to learn more about Indian food (or at least the restaurant type).

DreamTheMoors · 29/12/2023 23:46

AlisonDonut · 29/12/2023 22:13

You really hated a vegetable curry? But would have loved a meat one? Which also contains vegetables?

Weird.

At our house we call that a 747 - the point flew right over your head.

The issue is that OP’s friend invited her for a takeaway and then prevented her from choosing what she preferred.

JWhipple · 29/12/2023 23:49

Did you not think to ask her for recommendations? And how did she "eat whatever she wanted" and you "had" to eat a vegetable curry? So many nice dishes to choose from without meat.

Although tbf one meal without meat you're probably anaemic and deathly deficient in protein..... 😯

porridgeisbae · 29/12/2023 23:51

TheCorrupter · 29/12/2023 23:37

This happened to me once. Me and partner have been vegetarian so long we forgot other people would want meat. We also travelled India and as has been mentioned vegetarian curries are flavoursome, common and a safe bet.

I offered to pay when I realised they couldn't go one meal without meat. They refused and we ended up having meat in my house. I'm autistic and have quite a strong aversion to dead things in my house and it actually made the whole night very tense for me.

I know everyone loves to bash a veggie, but to help you understand it perhaps you can think about how you'd feel if someone ordered a Dalmatian or retriever curry at yours then used your cutlery and plates to eat it. How you'd feel with the smell wafting around.
I know someone will come and say it's a ridiculous comparison but it's not dogs are about the same friendliness and intelligence as farmed animals and many veggies feel sick at the thought of dead things.

Just be honest say you are happy to have vegetarian at hers but you'd rather not pay for it. Or that you don't ever want a vegetarian meal again and want to go out. Or ditch her over £30 curry.
I'm curious to know whether you would be as miffed if it was a religious vegetarian like a Hindu or a Muslim saying no pork or alcohol. Of course I know the answer

I don't think a Muslim would ban other people from eating pork, and definitely not from drinking alcohol though, or a Hindu ban someone from eating beef. They just wouldn't eat/drink it themselves.

Growlybear83 · 29/12/2023 23:52

If your friend is a vegetarian then I think she has every right to say that she doesn't want meat to be consumed in her house. If she was visiting you or eating in a restaurant with you then it would be completely different.

ANiceBigCupOfTea · 29/12/2023 23:52

I dont think she's bu not to want meat in her house. There's also loads and loads of great veggie options in Indian restaurant (ex veggie of 30 years, always did like Indian for veggie food), as there are so many options unlike other takeaways where you have a little section of the 5 things you can have.
You're not bu to prefer meat with your dish either.

porridgeisbae · 29/12/2023 23:53

Exactly. I'm guessing the OP confused vegetarian with vegetable and asked for a vegetable curry ... and got what she got. Sadly, too many meat eaters (the rigid types) think this way. Sounds like a missed opportunity to learn more about Indian food (or at least the restaurant type).

I will make bean/lentil curries myself but I would never spend money on it from a takeaway or restaurant. What a waste. I'm sure OP knows they exist but that doesn't make them as much of a treat as having meat.

VanityDiesHard · 29/12/2023 23:55

Epidote · 29/12/2023 23:42

I don't understand the meaning of invite/ invitation that some people have in their minds. If I invite someone to come to mine for dinner I will pay the dinner, take away or not.

Next time have a catch up with just a coffee.

I don't, either. That isn't really hosting per se, it is just a mutually agreed gathering. Nothing wrong with that, but it does mean that the 'host' ie person whose house it is, doesn't get to veto what the guests choose to eat.

VanityDiesHard · 29/12/2023 23:56

Growlybear83 · 29/12/2023 23:52

If your friend is a vegetarian then I think she has every right to say that she doesn't want meat to be consumed in her house. If she was visiting you or eating in a restaurant with you then it would be completely different.

Then she needs to pay for the food consumed in her house, not expect her 'guests' to pay for food they don't want just to suit her shibboleths.

YetAnotherSpartacus · 29/12/2023 23:57

I will make bean/lentil curries myself but I would never spend money on it from a takeaway or restaurant. What a waste. I'm sure OP knows they exist but that doesn't make them as much of a treat as having meat.

The rigid meat eaters are out in force today (because of course rajma and daal are the only vegetarian options on an Indian restaurant menu). 🙄

whynotwhatknot · 29/12/2023 23:58

what is she like when you go out together op

have you ever been round there before for a meal