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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Being told what to order from takeaway..

424 replies

Beanz2022 · 29/12/2023 22:11

friend invited me round for drinks and food, she said we could get indian takeaway..(context, her and her husband are veggies) she text me one hour before and said would it be OK if you didn't order a meat dish as we don't allow meat in the house.. so I ended up having a vegetable curry which, I really hated.. she had whatever she wanted and thoroughly enjoyed it.. why invite me round if you know I eat meat and won't allow me to order what I want.

OP posts:
Happilyobtuse · 29/12/2023 23:12

Most vegetarians do not like meat in their house. If you went to her house and she cooked I am sure it would be pure vegetarian. You could have let her order for you if you felt she might know better what was good in the veg options, but instead you chose and it turned out bad. Next time, either eat and then go over or suggest going to a restaurant for a meal.

TooMuchPinkyPonkJuice · 29/12/2023 23:13

I mean, her house her rules but why not say “I don’t like vegetable curry, could we order a pizza / chinese / whatever appropriate takeaway” 🤷‍♀️

arewedoneyet · 29/12/2023 23:13

faustus5 · 29/12/2023 22:39

I think it was controlling of her. She has no right to enforce her views on you. I wouldn't eat with her in the future unless we established that if we eat out that I choose to eat what I want.

Completely agree

VanityDiesHard · 29/12/2023 23:14

Simonjt · 29/12/2023 23:10

We’re a strictly meat free household, so no one eats meat in this house, guest or resident. If I was meeting friends and they wanted meat, we would just organise to go out or to one of their houses instead.

What's your reasoning for that? I hope you never have a scenario like the OP when people are paying for their own takeaway meal in your house. Because if you do, you are being very rude.

Tigger1895 · 29/12/2023 23:15

RampantIvy · 29/12/2023 22:18

You could have ordered a dahl or a paneer curry.

What if you hate cheese?

Hobbitfeet32 · 29/12/2023 23:15

Seems pretty immature to get worked up about eating one vegetarian meal with someone who is supposed to be your friend.

Haydenn · 29/12/2023 23:15

If I am paying for a takeaway meal then it is a treat so I expect to be able to choose what I wish to eat. I’d be annoyed as well.

They’ve put you in an awkward position, whilst some have said you can go without meat for one meal- you can- but if you are dropping £15 on a takeaway then you should enjoy the meal

VanityDiesHard · 29/12/2023 23:16

Hobbitfeet32 · 29/12/2023 23:15

Seems pretty immature to get worked up about eating one vegetarian meal with someone who is supposed to be your friend.

Sounds pretty controlling to think you have a right to dictate what others eat when they are paying for their own meal. Either host or don't, but if you're not hosting, mind your plate. It isn't hard.

Thementalloadisreal · 29/12/2023 23:16

Sounds like you ordered badly, tbh. If you don’t like veggie curry, don’t order it. Get a veg biryani, Bombay potato, chana bhuna, dhal etc.

Your friend was upfront about it and you could have said no but I’d assume you value your friendship more than a bit of chicken for one meal.

edited to add full disclosure I am vegan but I allow meat and dairy in my house, but I still don’t think your friend was unreasonable

Simonjt · 29/12/2023 23:17

VanityDiesHard · 29/12/2023 23:14

What's your reasoning for that? I hope you never have a scenario like the OP when people are paying for their own takeaway meal in your house. Because if you do, you are being very rude.

Show quote history

We’re vegetarians, so we don’t want dead animals in our home. Our friends who all know meat isn’t allowed in our home would have to be fairly stupid to agree to come for a takeaway if they didn’t want to order from the vegetarian menu, when they could just say “lets eat in instead”.

mrlistersgelfbride · 29/12/2023 23:17

I'm vegetarian and no way would I do this (but I do live with meat eaters so maybe it's slightly different).
If you invite a friend over for a takeaway they should be able to order what they like.
YANBU.

VanityDiesHard · 29/12/2023 23:17

Simonjt · 29/12/2023 23:17

We’re vegetarians, so we don’t want dead animals in our home. Our friends who all know meat isn’t allowed in our home would have to be fairly stupid to agree to come for a takeaway if they didn’t want to order from the vegetarian menu, when they could just say “lets eat in instead”.

Show quote history

Do you allow people to wear leather shoes in your home?

thebestinterest · 29/12/2023 23:17

Sorry you hated your meal, but I think that’s courteous to not bring meat to a vegetarians home.

not all vegetarians care (like my father, eg), but I do know other people who explicitly demand you bring vegan or veg when coming to their home. Next time ask to meet at resto.

Simonjt · 29/12/2023 23:18

VanityDiesHard · 29/12/2023 23:17

Do you allow people to wear leather shoes in your home?

Show quote history

We don’t allow anyone to wear any shoes in our home.

EmmaEmerald · 29/12/2023 23:19

gamerchick · 29/12/2023 22:22

OP, you're kicking yourself for being caught on the hop. Just be ready next time. Say something like 'ill pass, that last curry was rank and would rather not repeat the experience'. Just eat before you go over.

There's no point in being mad now. You had a chance to say no.

An hour's notice isn't much of a chance.

Saz12 · 29/12/2023 23:19

For me, one rubbish meal is disappointing but it happens. BUT at this time of the year, when you're skint, splashing out on a treat, and suddenly its "nope, you cant have that"...and instead your treat is a meal you dislike but is still £££ for you? Thats pretty crap.

Im not sure your friend is that unfair to ask you to have a meat-free meal, although in her shoes I'd have cooked veggie meal, or expected to pay for yours, or not quibbled about you ordering meat.

saveforthat · 29/12/2023 23:21

Prayfortheangels · 29/12/2023 22:19

Of course she is not unreasonable to not want meat in her house. There are plenty of lovely non meat options from Indian takeaways. People who insist on meat at every meal are totally unreasonable.

I don't eat meat for every meal but vegetable curries are rank. Vegetables do not soak up the sauce like meat.

TippledPink · 29/12/2023 23:21

If she was paying, then yes fine but if you are paying you should order what you want. At least you know to just invite her to yours from now on if you are eating, you can order you both some meat dishes! 😂

FreshWinterMorning · 29/12/2023 23:22

saveforthat · 29/12/2023 23:21

I don't eat meat for every meal but vegetable curries are rank. Vegetables do not soak up the sauce like meat.

Show quote history

Agree. Veggie curries are foul!

Poppinjay · 29/12/2023 23:22

I like some curries and always order them with meat in I generally don't like the cooked veg that are in them so I don't eat those bits. There is vegetarian food that I do like and I could probably find some things on an Indian takeaway menu that I like, give the opportunity to order some to try on a few occasions, akongide the foods I know I like.

However, I wouldn't be pleased if a was expected to choose from a variety of unfamiliar dishes with little notice. I'd have to select and pay for something I may not like.

The anxiety caused by not knowing whether I would like it would make it hard for me to eat it, whatever it tasted like. This is probably linked to the many hours I spent as a child trying to chew and swallow the remains of the long-gone-cold meals that I was forced to finish.

Those posters ridiculing the OP for not wanting to pay to eat a dish not of her own choosing and refusing to believe that she didn't like the vegetables remind me of the parents that gave me these issues in the first place.

The fact that you like those foods has no bearing on whether it was OK to expect the OP to eat them. You don't even have the insight to realise that listing the veggie dishes you enjoy would be of no value to someone who hasn't had the opportunity to try any of them before ordering them as their main meal.

VanityDiesHard · 29/12/2023 23:22

Simonjt · 29/12/2023 23:18

We don’t allow anyone to wear any shoes in our home.

Show quote history

I am glad I am not someone who visits your home!!

RaininSummer · 29/12/2023 23:24

I don't eat meat but find vegetable curry from takeways quite horrible so with OP there. We have just had a family dinner indian style with home made curries and no meat in site which was gorgeous but most takeaways just fling cheap veg in sauce and it's so soggy and nothingy with usually loads if potatoes and green beans and light on mushrooms etc . Anyway friend was weird and rude in my book.

Tonight1 · 29/12/2023 23:27

Tell her that you didn't enjoy your meal and that you won't make arrangements like that again. It doesn't have to be antagonistic.

Actually I don't eat meat but don't mind others eating it around me. and love vegetarian curries

the people whose diets cause me concern is a relative who counts trifle as a meal and eats a stream of sweet things in lieu of healthy meals, and a friend who lives on pasties, sausage rolls and chicken and chips. Last time I was at his I ordered a pizza with artichokes, olives etc and he said "that's not a pizza" in a disgruntled way. Guess because it wasn't slathered in pepperoni!

BridgetsBigPants · 29/12/2023 23:27

Yanbu. I'm a vegetarian and would never feel like I had the right to tell other people what to eat. I have a friend who doesn't like onion or broccoli which I find crazy. She can't understand me not wanting to eat chicken. So we both just eat what we like and get on with it. I would never presume that my opinions are more important than someone else's, especially someone who is paying for their own food!

TurkeyTwizlers · 29/12/2023 23:29

I am mostly vegetarian but I wouldn’t get a vegetable curry from a takeaway. I’ve been to some amazing vegetarian Indian restaurants but your average takeaway doesn’t cut it for me in that regard.

If they were cooking, fine. If you are paying you should be able to order what you want. I had a vegan colleague who thought we should only eat vegan when going out to eat with her, another colleague did ask if she was paying to shut her up.

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