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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Overhead conversation - wwyd?

240 replies

notlisteningwithmother · 29/12/2023 16:27

I'd just stepped out of the shower when MIL and FIL (staying with us for family Christmas) started to have an animated conversation outside the bathroom door. The gist was that they were pleased to be heading home because I'd made them feel unwelcome and unwanted and ruined their Christmas.

I could have opened the door at that point, but decided against fanning the flames and waited in the bathroom till I heard them go downstairs.

I didn't want Christmas to end with an argument. And I can't see any benefit in raising this with them when we next talk.

WWYD? Let sleeping dogs lie or ask for an explanation?

OP posts:
CarolinaInTheMorning · 29/12/2023 22:37

I still would like to know what MIL did with the cake.

Scorchio84 · 29/12/2023 22:38

Zone2NorthLondon · 29/12/2023 22:36

Ahh, I see update all resolved. No major drama

Surely the first on Mumsnet! It's a Christmas miracle 😆

Glad it all got straightened out though OP

VanityDiesHard · 29/12/2023 22:38

muggart · 29/12/2023 17:51

It doesn't really matter how many mice pies you made them or games you played with them if you were tired and grumpy around them. It's not really enough to host, you have to be a gracious host if you want your guests to have fun. I wonder if you were just a bit stressed out with all the hosting and they picked up on that? If that's the case and you didn't enjoy their stay because of all the work it entailed then its reasonable for them to feel unwelcome, even though it's clear you wouldn't want them to take it personally.

How do you feel about guests complaining about hosting within hearing of their host, or even in their house at all? Is that ok by you? Because it isn't by me, I find it entirely rude and it makes me doubt any conclusion that those people would come to.

angelikacpickles · 29/12/2023 22:39

CarolinaInTheMorning · 29/12/2023 22:37

I still would like to know what MIL did with the cake.

Presumably she brought it home with her?

Newnameshoos · 29/12/2023 22:40

Honestly, men! I'm not surprised your MiL was offended that her gifts were rejected. Thank goodness it's sorted out and presumably you and she can have a jolly good eye-rolling laugh about your husband being a numpty.
Are they bringing them back?

ChristmasEvemaddness · 29/12/2023 22:42

@Zone2NorthLondon @Scorchio84

Unfortunately I don't think thus is resolved, at, all.
It doesn't add up.

I think we are just beginning to scratch the surface. And what did happen to the cakes??

MikeRafone · 29/12/2023 22:46

I’d be asking her if you can eat the pudding at Easter and have the cake at the birthday in February- but I love both Christmas cake and pudding. We often had Xmas pudding at easter

SpacesAreOverrated · 29/12/2023 22:49

This is such a lovely thread. All resolved and everyone is happy again. Op you sound lovely and very sensible!!! Your family is lucky to have someone so level headed

Noseyneeps · 29/12/2023 23:00

Your in laws have been with you for almost a week… I’m surprised you’re still patient. I don’t think I could manage my own mum for a full week these days (could manage before i had my son, and she was younger, but now i would be exhausted)

i think you’ve just all been with each other for too long

Jitterybugs · 29/12/2023 23:11

VanityDiesHard · 29/12/2023 22:38

How do you feel about guests complaining about hosting within hearing of their host, or even in their house at all? Is that ok by you? Because it isn't by me, I find it entirely rude and it makes me doubt any conclusion that those people would come to.

Show quote history

I’m inclined to think it was the mice pies that upset her 😆

byteme1011 · 29/12/2023 23:15

I'm really happy to hear the happy ending :) And I agree with @SpacesAreOverrated you are very level headed and your family is lucky to have you

saltinesandcoffeecups · 29/12/2023 23:20

notlisteningwithmother · 29/12/2023 22:34

Relief? Probably just knowing that there's an explanation rather than thinking through multiple possible scenarios. Not least those raised in posts on this thread about sending messages to guests without realising.

DH called MIL re the earring, and then explained that he'd made a unilateral decision about the food. He admitted that after talking to me he understood why that was clearly the wrong response, and thoughtless. And apologised for giving the impression that I was in any way involved.

MIL then sent a genuinely lovely message in a text to me a few minutes later.

Seriously… what did they do with the cake for a week?

Thepeopleversuswork · 29/12/2023 23:20

I'm glad it's resolved OP but honestly what a load of ridiculous drama about nothing.

I wouldn't raise hell over this as it's "sorted" and you want to keep the peace but I would privately seethe about the fact that she would have got the hump with me about a fucking cake rather than her precious son, whose fault it was. And about them making a mountain out of a molehill when you'd been hosting them through Christmas.

And I wouldn't have them to stay again. Who needs this kind of control freakery and childishness over something that trivial.

ILoveMyCaravan · 29/12/2023 23:24

Nice that it's resolved. However I do think it's a silly thing to bring a surprise cake and pudding. Did she really think you wouldn't have already have both items organised? OK if it's her contribution and agreed in advance, but you could equally take offence that your cake and pudding weren't to her liking so she brought her own.

SpecialCharacters · 29/12/2023 23:27

I’d send a furious message back - something about how insulted you are that they obviously didn’t think your desserts would be up to scratch, then please keep us updated.

Geoff0409 · 29/12/2023 23:27

@notlisteningwithmother if you can think of anything that's made them feel uncomfortable then ok, but it doesn't sound like it. Some people are like chalk and cheese and always will be. I've heard my own in laws (my wife and I have been together more than 25 years now), slag me off on a few occasions. It can be a bit hurtful but I smile sweetly and try to make their visits bearable and I know my wife appreciates that. If your partner can find out what may have annoyed/upset them without making it obvious it may be worth bringing it up, but if not then try not to worry. I am a suspicious person by nature, but this does sound like they've done this deliberately in your earshot.

Muchof · 29/12/2023 23:30

I don’t know why you think this is a relief or even slightly funny . You are married to an ungrateful arse and his parents blame you rather than their pig ignorant son when you clearly were not involved. I’d be very disappointed with the lot of them.

OccasionalHope · 29/12/2023 23:32

I’m glad it’s all been resolved with hopefully no bad feeling.

angelikacpickles · 29/12/2023 23:33

Why are people going on about the cake? Christmas cake keeps for months, it will have been absolutely fine for a week!

IDontOftenComment · 29/12/2023 23:34

I see there are still some folk wanting to see a fight even though the OP is completely happy.
It seems some on MN just can’t accept that some people actually live in harmony and don’t constantly need to make a mountain out of a molehill.

saltinesandcoffeecups · 29/12/2023 23:38

angelikacpickles · 29/12/2023 23:33

Why are people going on about the cake? Christmas cake keeps for months, it will have been absolutely fine for a week!

That’s probably directed to me… but I’ve been imagining the IL’s in the spare room hiding and eating the Christmas cake from the hole in the floor with the loose floorboard…

On a related note I’ve been relistening to the HP serious and Harry’s just done this with his birthday cake.

raspberrycardigan · 29/12/2023 23:38

People who "live in harmony" are able to have a face to face conversation to clear up any misunderstandings and hurt feelings.

angelikacpickles · 29/12/2023 23:40

saltinesandcoffeecups · 29/12/2023 23:38

That’s probably directed to me… but I’ve been imagining the IL’s in the spare room hiding and eating the Christmas cake from the hole in the floor with the loose floorboard…

On a related note I’ve been relistening to the HP serious and Harry’s just done this with his birthday cake.

Show quote history

Not you specifically - others seem to be equally puzzled.

Lookingatthesunset · 29/12/2023 23:43

She's easily offended! Bear in mind for future visits!

RitaFromThePitCanteen · 29/12/2023 23:53

Glad to hear it's resolved, OP.

Although at the risk of being accused of stirring, I do find it a bit off that, with all the evidence right in front of her that the rejection of her Christmas cake and pud was a spur-of-the-moment thoughtless decision by her son, she chose to believe without any evidence that he was specifically acting under your orders.

And also that your supposed orders were a deliberate coded message indicating that you personally wanted her to know that she was not welcome in your home. And that her son happily went along with this deliberately planned insult to his mum. 🤔

MIL sounds like a conspiracy theorist.