Bye bye bigot MIL

[222333Annie]

My MIL has always had questionable views on things but I’ve always for the most part not engaged with her as she is the kind of idiot it’s impossible to reason with.

now I have a DS (10 months) .On Xmas day, she said most disgraced celebs are innocent and women “put themselves into these situations” she used a number of racial slurs Infront of my family (my parents are immigrants and my brother in law / nieces are people of colour )

she then proceeded to tell me I read “ too much science ” when raising my son and her way (the old fashioned way) is the only way.To which my mother replied current guidelines are based on research to reduce SIDS so cannot be a bad thing.

I guess my point here is.Can I really have an anti feminist,racists science denier around my son? She is from the boomer generation but still…?Husband says he supports cutting down contact if she says things like this around him when he is older but obviously cannot completely disown his mum.In an ideal world,I would never mix with someone so ridiculous so at a loss as to how to handle it.She is also very angry she will not be assisting me with childcare when I return to work .Obviously all of the above is the reason why.Should I get DH to explain this to her?

You don't understand what white privilege means.

Hahaha this is funny

@222333Annie case in point, you don’t like her and want her excluded, but instead of being honest, you’re beating around the bush and using her age and generalisations about Boomers as to why you don’t like her. Get off the fence. I don’t think you even believe it’s about her generation either, it’s just her you don’t particularly like, and so what.

You come across, as far as I’m concerned, in the way you describe her, and quite self righteous about knowing more about parenting because the guidance has changed. It’s annoying.

If you don’t like her views, use your words and tell her, because this will drag on into a tiresome mess and you will only end up resentful and frustrated, more so than you are now.

If you really don’t want any contact with her as well as not allowing her near your son, then just tell and her tell her why on no uncertain terms.
If she is smart enough she will see it as opening up a dialogue.

If not then so be it, your child your rules, although there are considerations depending on the outcome you want but just stop with the fluff and wishy washy handwringing and fretting about her outdated views. Take action.

I'm neither racist or homophobic.

In Ireland, in 1993?
Like - because you, one person, can think of one specific time and place where you did not notice white privilege, that's proof it's not a thing?
Like I explained, white privilege doesn't mean you had it easy. Just that, if you were having trouble getting a job because of high unemployment - what jobs there were went to whites more easily than black or brown people.
It does grate, for a lot of white people who believe they got to where they are through sheer grit and determination. And nobody is denying that you worked hard to survive and get to where you are. White privilege just means you had more opportunities for your hard work to make a difference in your life than a black or brown person.
Of course we also understand ntersectionality better now - white privilege does not apply evenly to all white people; you may also be disadvantaged through gender, sexuality, disability, class, religion, etc at the same time as enjoying advantages of being white.

The fact that you said the MIL being racist and homophobic is a good thing suggests otherwise.

My parents born in 1949 & 1947 grew up with their racist parents & were poorly educated therefore had some racist beliefs until I became an aware teenager and challenged their beliefs... so my mum before she passed was actually a very tolerant and non prejudiced person as is my dad.
So despite their age people can and do change.

Even my Nan, born in 1925, who was unfortunately quite racist in her views, changed when she got dementia and had carers from different ethnic backgrounds. She realised that actually, people from other backgrounds were just similar to her! For the first time in her life aged 91.
If she could change in her 90s well anyone could.

That's the acceptable face of bigotry on MN!

Given that people seem to be more offended by OPs use of thr word boomer than actual racial slurs or calling gay people disgusting, I don't think it is.

Literally nobody on this thread is more offended by the word boomer than racial or homophobic slurs.

It really isn't. Genuinely.

what jobs there were went to whites more easily than black or brown people.

The thing is, in Ireland specifically, one of the most disadvantaged of groups are Irish travellers, who are a white ethnic group.

As a group, they are more marginalised and disadvantaged than are black or brown immigrants to Ireland. Figures already quoted upthread show this clearly. In many situations a black or brown person would easily be more likely to get a job offer than an Irish traveller.

So I don't think this group do have white privilege, at least within Irish society, though they may have it elsewhere of course.

They are easily enough recognised by other Irish people btw. Their skin tones are the same but accent is different and often dress codes are different too.

I don’t know how can you counter racial slurs and the idea being put to you that colonialism helped your people to gain skills and manners they otherwise never would have had

Well she does sound a bit much, but anyone can counter that absolute rubbish

You just keep on digging yourself deeper into that hole, OP. Ageism is just as ugly as any of the negative traits you describe in your mother in law.

People continue to learn and even change as they grow older, and you'll no doubt do that, too.

@Coyoacan

Are you a person of colour?

And if not, why are you instructing the OP in how to handle racial slurs?

@whatsitcalledwhen Each to their own but I love my dad and his good qualities far outweigh the negative.

I still wouldn't 'call him out' in the scenario you describe, I would just limit my contact with him. We can't force people to change their views to what we would prefer unfortunately.

It's not an exact science!

That's blatantly untrue, first from the number of posters getting outraged about boomer but not saying a single word about the racial slurs, and second from the number of posters actively defending the MIL and defending the use of racial slurs as "just an opinion", as "debate", people attacking the OP and trying to portray the OP as unreasonable and intolerant by claiming that not wanting racial slurs around you is refusing to tolerate any view that differs from your own, and even posts flat out saying they agree with the MIL because something something WOKE WOKE WOKE.

Critical race theory has a lot to answer for.

White privilege = the privilege of being white.

Being.
White.

How some people go round the houses to seemingly misunderstand the meaning of such a simple term suggests to me they are actually being obtuse. Or very, very confused.

@Soontobe60 Critical Race Theory: A set of ideas holding that racial bias is inherent in many parts of western society, especially in its legal and social institutions, on the basis of their having been primarily designed for and implemented by white people.

Absolute crazy talk. I've never known any Muslim person discriminated against because of their name vis a vis job interviews. Black women's healthcare outcomes is on par with that of white women. There is zero institutional racism in e.g. the police force. Tbh racism, micro-aggressions and so forth are just made up scenarios for people who should probably get a job.

Great. So what’s your issue with woke people when they’re just anti-racist, anti-homophobia, anti-sexism and anti-ageism?

Ah yes forgot to add, this theory wouldn't even hold when you consider that the Windrush Scandal far from being the horrendous targeted practice of isolating and stripping Caribbean elders from their families and homes, was just a trashy romance novel.

White privilege is really an acid trip.

Are you God? Because that would be the only way you could have omniscient sight over all Muslim people in job interviews or every black woman’s interaction with medical care.

This.