So upset with DH - meant to be my night off

[Tiredmumsclubb]

We’ve got a 10 week old baby who wakes around 3 times a night. Baby’s never awake for long, just has a bottle and a cuddle and goes back into cot, always under 30
mins even if they need a nappy change, but the multiple wakes a night is obviously exhausting after almost 3 months.

Since DHs 2 week paternity leave ended I’ve been doing all the night feeds, even on weekends. The most he’s done is take baby when they wake at 7-8am on weekends.

DH is off for 10 days over Christmas, so far I’ve continued doing the nights but I’ve been saying I’d like 1 night off which he’s jokingly moaned about saying he’s not capable etc but it all seemed pretty lighthearted. Tonight was supposed to be the night. Baby woke at 2am - much later than usual! But DH let him grumble and cry in his cot while making his bottle (we’ve got a prep machine in the room so doesn’t need to go downstairs to make a bottle) then went to the loo. Baby wears an owlet sock at night, as baby was moving around so much it couldn’t get a reading for over 2 minutes and the alarm starts going off.

I’m wide awake by this point and have now told him not to bother as this doesn’t count as my full night without the baby.

I always try to keep baby as quiet as possible so he doesn’t disturb him, which is pretty easy as baby is happy and quiet as soon as picked up. I’ve never left baby to cry for over 2 minutes so the alarm goes off - it’s the first time it’s happened! I’ll either wait until baby is settled again or take him with me if I’m desperate for the loo in the night.

We don’t have a spare room and I’m usually a heavy sleeper so didn’t think it would be an issue. We mostly shared the nights while DH was on paternity leave but I had one night and managed to sleep through then.

I’m just so upset I asked for 1 night out of the 10 days and can’t even get that. Step kids are staying this weekend so night off won’t be happening at all now.

DH now snoring away and I’m awake crying, he knows how exhausted I am and after tonight I just feel like he doesn’t care at all.

Because the point was to let the OP rest, which he failed to do.

Because the point was to let the OP rest, which he failed to do.

@rwalker - how did he cope? Please explain.

The same as everyone else got up made a bottle sorted baby
to me that isn’t coping that just run of the mill stuff but a lot of posters are saying he was incapable and he’d have to cope

he needs to use prep machine very easily sorted
the delay by him going to the toilet cause that alarm thing to go off which woke OP
again plan for that

yes it didn’t go well but as with any new baby you all need to get in a routine
this is the first time it’s happened

talk to each other stomping off to premiere inn and dragging his mum into because he didn’t use prep machine and went for a wee just seem extreme

The same as everyone else got up made a bottle sorted baby
to me that isn’t coping that just run of the mill stuff but a lot of posters are saying he was incapable and he’d have to cope

he needs to use prep machine very easily sorted
the delay by him going to the toilet cause that alarm thing to go off which woke OP
again plan for that

yes it didn’t go well but as with any new baby you all need to get in a routine
this is the first time it’s happened

talk to each other stomping off to premiere inn and dragging his mum into because he didn’t use prep machine and went for a wee just seem extreme

this is the first time it’s happened

He has two other children and he's had three months to prepare for this one night.

However, it's a user name I recognise and I've never seen you back the tired mum over the useless dad so there's no reason you'd start now.

Sorry missed the bit where he did exactly the same with prep machines having a wee with 1st two
were the 1st to bottle or bf

there obviously a problem that need sorting so talk to each other plan and making sure your on the same page

or plan b just call him useless

practical solution or name calling you choose

not backing anyone offering a solution

I’m off

Sorry for not updating sooner, thank you for everyone’s comments.
On reflection I have been being a bit of a martyr about the nights, DH used to offer to help when his paternity leave first ended but I kept refusing, I think I wanted to prove I could do it all and he eventually stopped offering.
We had a good talk this morning and he’s apologised for last night, he’s adamant it wasn’t intentional and he just thought I’d sleep through as he never hears me with the baby at night and pre-baby I was an extremely heavy sleeper.
We’ve had a lovely day, he brought me breakfast in bed, I’ve had an afternoon nap and I’m going to sleep on the (very comfy) sofa tonight to make sure I get a full night undisturbed sleep.
We’ve also talked about how we’ll manage the nights going forward and think we’ve got a good plan in place to help cover rhe evenings/weekends.
Thanks again for everyone’s help and advice :)

Excellent news OP. As you will know, communication is key!

Yay 🎉

Brilliant result, am really glad to hear it

Still think you shld bugger off to a premier inn for a night tho!!

Very simple - explain that you want a niht of uninterrupted sleep and therefore he will be on baby duty until you get it whether it is night or 17 and whether or not he is back at work. YOu'll be amazed at how quickly he'll learn

How lovely 😍

@Tiredmumsclubb That’s a lovely update. Glad it’s all worked out.

A win for communication. A song as he does give you an actual night off.

Report back :D

As long... Obviously.

So glad you talked it out and have a plan rather than following the suggestions of flouncing off to a premier inn / mums etc. Hope you get a good night's sleep!

Hmmmm now the problem is you have your own set way of dealing with baby and are used to doing it. Now when dad has gone to sort baby rather than let him get on with it in his own way you've got annoyed because of the supposed occurances that don't usually happen if you do the feed. But if you had just stayed in bed your other half would have sorted it fine in his own way but our haven't let him. We have 3 little ones. With our twins in particular occasionally not all nights I wanted help. All I had to do was ask hubby for help and he would get up. Now I had to grit my teeth at first because my night routine was different and not so quick to his help. But guess what after a few times he got quicker and better and even got to the point of being able to feed 2 babies easily at once like I did. A little crying doesnt matter. Maybe step back a little and actually let dad do it his way

Oops I saw the update and am so glad you chatted it out. I was like this with first always refused hubby but by the twins I suddenly realised hubby was great just did things differently

This is nonsense.
He's a father of three now. Teens know babies need cared for. Not sure why these particular ones need to be protected from this well known biological fact.
One day your baby will be old enough to notice that daddy "steps back" when siblings are around and it won't be a good look at all.

@Tiredmumsclubb

On reflection I have been being a bit of a martyr about the nights, DH used to offer to help when his paternity leave first ended but I kept refusing, I think I wanted to prove I could do it all and he eventually stopped offering.

I think he would be upset to see all the negative comments about him based on this update. It seems he has offered numerous times & you have said no. You can't expect him to suddenly be an expert if you haven't allowed him to get involved.

It's a positive outcome though so good you discussed it with him.