AIBU to start an official inquiry into a missing biscuit

[Mañanarama]

Ok. Long and lighthearted (ish) story short. I was given some beautiful hand made biscuits this Christmas. Only five of them, beautifully wrapped, especially for me. Put in my xmas treat bag (we have a bag each) in the living room.

Some fucker has eaten one.

Order of suspicion:

1. Daughter, because I know she loves them, and she has previous for theft (of treats). But, she’s an appalling liar.
2. Husband, he likes them but he’s not likely to be stupid enough to eat one because he understands the specialness.
3. Son. Greedy teenager prone to minor fibs, but he wouldn’t like these and is suspicious about trying new things.
4. The cat. Has never ever stolen human food. Would not think to clear crumbs up or conceal evidence.

They all flat deny it.
I’m annoyed.
Not because of the biscuit but because of the lie.

AIBU to call the rozzers remove some of their treats until the culprit confesses?

It's your daughter. Your attempts at getting her to confess are futile. Teenage girls are unbreakable. The best thing you can do now is eat the remaining biscuits before she comes back for the rest of them.

Have you checked peoples pockets and bedroom bins for the biscuit wrapper?

In that case, I'm afraid you've answered your own question.

😭 to have shattered your illusions.

It's the cat !

It has been playing with the biscuit, managed to hook it out with paws and it is in the garden as it took the biscuit out through the cat flap.

We have one that is nicknamed ' naughty paws ' and we are currently missing a Christmas brooch, it's quite heavy for a cat's paw to get it too far but it is somewhere and I guess cat carried it in his mouth

• I even checked the hoover contents to check it hadn't been hoovered up ! DD hoovers a lot :)

<sits anxiously in the corner hoping no one sees the crumbs in my lap>

Does your DH have facial hair? You could check his beard for crumb evidence

I am also my kittens one true love, but he would absolutely steal my biscuits given half a chance. My money is on your daughter though. She’s got priors!

This.

Although in a counter defence most men would leave a trail of crumbs and/or get caught in the act. My dp is contantly being found out especially when secreting sweeties in his car. If I steal them before they have been declared he won't cast aspersions for to do so would drop him in it.

I would pass sentence by eating the rest to compensate for emotional distress.

You need to engage in some interrogation about how the biscuit tasted, how good it was, how you're thinking of getting some more...the culprit will trip up under questioning, I'm sure of it.

My money is also on your daughter.
Although your DH saying you need to let it go is a bit sus...he should be helping to find the thief among you.

Were you on the sauce and perhaps ate it whilst a little bit merry?

My husband is home and we’ve had a proper discussion rather than by text. It wasn’t him, I believe him. He is most indignant re accusations about the cat. We examined the location coordinates and positioning of the biscuit parcel, the treats bag, and the dexterity of cat. We absolutely agree it was not the cat.

We conclude it was probably daughter, but that son would happily stitch her up which doesn’t exactly solve the crime beyond all reasonable doubt. I will speak to them both again tomorrow.

Can you totally exclude the possibility that a freak wormhole opened up in the space-time continuum, sucking the biscuit back to the early 1900s, and that Albert Einstein ate it while working on a particularly difficult equation?

That is option number 5.

I haven't read all your comments incase you solved it.

It's between dd and dh. If you are confident you can sniff out a lie from your dd then it has to be your dh. Maybe he thought you wouldn't notice.

Ok I'm caught up it must be your dd and she's improving her lying skills

@WetBandits Don't be ridiculous, Samantha Peterson is a fox. Foxes are notoriously trustworthy around food.

Carol, Carol, Carol!

I suggest we call Peter Peterson in for this one.

Now. Last time we had a snack related incident was my son’s birthday. He got a selection of Tony’s Chocolonely bars and one mysteriously vanished.

I found the wrapper in my daughters bedroom bin. I gave her a right bollocking for a) thieving and b) her lack of hiding skills.

I found the wrapper in my daughters bedroom bin. I gave her a right bollocking for a) thieving and b) her lack of hiding skills.

Shes clearly taken that feedback to heart and upped her game. You only have yourself to blame, OP.

I only have boys - who happily devour anything in their path esp if it's open packet. I would have bet son but I'd be very sus that dd appeared straight away

My teenage superpower was making my parents think I was a bad liar.

I wasn't.

I was amazing.

I just deliberately over-acted denial for enough low-stakes stuff that the big-ticket items remained undetected.

Cherchez la fille

Oh. You could be right. I have created a monster.

While the whole family are sitting in the living room, pick up your phone and gasp. Announce that there has been a recall on the Biscuits as there has been cases of V&D. That'll teach the fuckers!

No words, just a handhold, OP.

#Me&cat4eva
I second that, def daughter, the laughter gave her away.