AIBU to start an official inquiry into a missing biscuit

[Mañanarama]

Ok. Long and lighthearted (ish) story short. I was given some beautiful hand made biscuits this Christmas. Only five of them, beautifully wrapped, especially for me. Put in my xmas treat bag (we have a bag each) in the living room.

Some fucker has eaten one.

Order of suspicion:

1. Daughter, because I know she loves them, and she has previous for theft (of treats). But, she’s an appalling liar.
2. Husband, he likes them but he’s not likely to be stupid enough to eat one because he understands the specialness.
3. Son. Greedy teenager prone to minor fibs, but he wouldn’t like these and is suspicious about trying new things.
4. The cat. Has never ever stolen human food. Would not think to clear crumbs up or conceal evidence.

They all flat deny it.
I’m annoyed.
Not because of the biscuit but because of the lie.

AIBU to call the rozzers remove some of their treats until the culprit confesses?

Nala needs some Bailey’s in her chocolate reindeer.

LOVE the ear biting

Following the suggestion about product recall, can you not mix up some vile concoction that they must take to prevent illness occurring
For their own wellbeing of course
Make them drink it, whilst you say this is hurting you more than it's hurting them

One of them will break, surely

It’s your Son. I just have a gut feeling.

😂😂😂😂😂.
Thanks a bunch@EmpatheticAgain
Just nearly choked on a slice of pizza!

You haven't told us what type of biscuits they were. Surely that's vital information? And a photo wouldn't go astray.

That beautiful cat has clearly never put a delightful paw wrong in his life.

I was about to write Santa, but that sounded way too rude now that someone here has ruined chocolate Santa’s forever tbh 😂

Oh, absolutely.

It definitely wasn't the cat who got up onto the countertop and neatly slashed through the brand new bag of crunchies I'd put up there, thinking I'd decant them into the sealed tub after I'd had my cuppa. It wasn't the other cat sitting nonchalantly in the hallway outside the kitchen door and making a chirruping noise as I opened the living room door, either. Like an alarm call between Velociraptors in Jurassic Park, really.

It was clearly the dumb as mince dog that was found happily cleaning up the pile scattered on the floor. Especially when it was only after I said 'And what do you think you're doing?', said fall dog jumped about three foot in the air and I discovered the single slash line in the packet that both criminal genius and sidekick both sauntered in as if to say 'What's happening, can we help with your ruined crunchie bag issues?'.

Found OP’s daughter’s account. You’ll need to do better than that to throw us off the scent!

@NeverDropYourMooncup 😂😂 sooo funny.. Yeah, been there too. Always the dogs fault. Always.

I second the idea of holding the other family members' treat bags hostage until someone confesses. Ransom notes made from cut out letters and all. Break them down @Mañanarama, BREAK THEM DOWN!!

Also would like to thank @Grumpyoldpersonwithcats for the word "verisimilitude" - I shall endeavour to use it in a sentence today!

This is the most hilarious thread this Christmas. On long car journey and reading all out to DH to keep us entertained.

Orca.

Definitely.

Those bastards are sneaky. "Killer whales have never attacked humans in the wild." People say. Everyone says it. Everyone believes it. Sneaky. They don't leave evidence or witnesses and change their name from killer whale to orca to sound respectable and professional and innocent. This they leave no trace.

Or biscuit crumbs.

@Mañanarama you cant keep us hanging like this. Where are the updates???!!

Have you contacted the UN or the ICC at The Hague?
Why not offer them round tonight, all nonchalant like, and monitor their reactions.
Or get a grip. Either's good.

Honestly, no updates of any note! Son keeps asking if sister has confessed yet. She maintains she’d admit it if she had. I’ve told them both I’m not impressed and there’ll be no sharing of my treats whatsoever from now on, ever. They will be sorry.

Neither has noticed the reindeer mutilation yet. Obviously I will deny all knowledge when they do. While smirking.

There is a box of Ferrero Rocher which someone gave them to share. Contemplating eating the chocs and replacing them with sprouts. Thoughts?

Definitely a proportionate response.

🌱

Re the Ferrero Rocher:

There's a thing that keeps coming up on my Instagram feed about someone who REALLY went for it with that this year. They actually dipped sprouts in chocolate and hazelnut, put them in the FR foil, and sealed the FR box with thin tape.

Just in case you've got some time on your hands.

Absolutely. Definitely the cat. He's just lulling you into a false sense of security, by not covering up previous crimes, therefore you won't suspect him when he commits his big crime. (It's your daughter)

Finish the Lindt creatures and wrap the cat in gold foil.

@Mañanarama do the sprouts trick to catch them with their guard down.
Then individually approach them and accuse them saying someone else saw them take it, and await their confessions.

divide and conquer

Son has discovered the missing ears. He’s not happy. Oh deer. He’s not in my good books anyway as he’s drunk half the bottle of coke that we bought for drinks tonight. So skit.

He's not making himself look good with the Coke drinking! <eyes with suspicion>

Not at all @ValuableLimeLesson

Clearly his sisters nefarious ways are leading him astray

Time to get serious now. Sit down all suspects, including cat and explain that, as a family, you can not go into 2024 with biscuitgate hanging over your heads. They have until 11.59 to confess……