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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to start an official inquiry into a missing biscuit

229 replies

Mañanarama · 28/12/2023 21:42

Ok. Long and lighthearted (ish) story short. I was given some beautiful hand made biscuits this Christmas. Only five of them, beautifully wrapped, especially for me. Put in my xmas treat bag (we have a bag each) in the living room.

Some fucker has eaten one.

Order of suspicion:

  1. Daughter, because I know she loves them, and she has previous for theft (of treats). But, she’s an appalling liar.
  2. Husband, he likes them but he’s not likely to be stupid enough to eat one because he understands the specialness.
  3. Son. Greedy teenager prone to minor fibs, but he wouldn’t like these and is suspicious about trying new things.
  4. The cat. Has never ever stolen human food. Would not think to clear crumbs up or conceal evidence.

They all flat deny it.
I’m annoyed.
Not because of the biscuit but because of the lie.

AIBU to call the rozzers remove some of their treats until the culprit confesses?

OP posts:
TLDRfuckers · 28/12/2023 22:46

Could two biscuits have accidentally become stuck together and miscounted?

if not, my money’s on the husband. The daughter is a red herring.

EliflurtleAndTheInfiniteMadness · 28/12/2023 22:46

Mañanarama · 28/12/2023 22:32

Husband does not have a sweet tooth whatsoever. If it was cheese he’d be Suspect No1.

However, he does say I need to let it go now, which while not making me feel suspicious, is making me feel more annoyed.

What a bastard.

Show quote history

I'm shocked, is this Mumsnet? Why has no one told you to LTB !!!!! I'm appalled.

If it was DD here, no enquiry would be necessary because she'd leave the wrapping in her bedroom bin. I am appalled a child of mine can't even hide the evidence. DS2 however is much more devious and would blame all sorts of other things if it was his misdemeanor. DS1 wouldn't take it for himself, but if he had a friend over who wanted it he'd tell them they could have it. He has priors for this. He would happily admit though. Since I LTB there's no OH to interegate.

BellaTheDarkOverlord · 28/12/2023 22:48

I think the only thing left to do is tell them they were poisoned and you will only administer the antidote if they confess.

1vandal2 · 28/12/2023 22:49

If it has a particularly crinkly wrapper i would absolutely blame the cat especially mine 😂

JustJoinedRightNow · 28/12/2023 22:49

I love this thread. My money is on the daughter too. She sounds suss.

The cat sounds perfect and I can't believe anyone is thinking it's him. As per PP, we need a photo of his face to entirely rule him out though.

Thepollonator · 28/12/2023 22:50

Omg. That made me really laugh out loud about the cat writing on the wall and I shared it with my husband who did the same! 🤣

Lucyintheskywithadiamond · 28/12/2023 22:50

I think it is the husband, don’t know why but when I read the post I just imagined my DH doing this. Let us know how this goes 😂

hashbrownsandwich · 28/12/2023 22:50

It was you. Admit it.

Original poster
Mañanarama · 28/12/2023 22:55

hashbrownsandwich · 28/12/2023 22:50

It was you. Admit it.

I’m starting to worry I’m somehow gaslighting myself?

OP posts:
Original poster
Mañanarama · 28/12/2023 22:57

BellaTheDarkOverlord · 28/12/2023 22:48

I think the only thing left to do is tell them they were poisoned and you will only administer the antidote if they confess.

Shall I wear a cape and cackle as I say it? It is thundering here tonight, the lights keep flickering a bit. The scene is set…

OP posts:
Beeinalily · 28/12/2023 22:57

See - you SAY it can't be the cat, but just off the top of my head, cats have recently 1) Gone next door and wrecked a newly decorated house 2) Turned the cooker on, probably for nefarious reasons e.g to cook a mouse and 3) Dressed up as a goblin and frightened the bejesus out of the next door neighbours. So think on, OP.

purplehue · 28/12/2023 22:58

It's your daughter.

Time to change your tactic. Tell her while laughing you knew it was her all along and don't mind. Then try to engage her in a conversation about the biscuit and get her to admit she liked the biscuit. 🍪

Gardeningtime · 28/12/2023 22:59

I’m stuck at you all have indivual treat bags and you kept the biscuits to yourself instead of offering to your family to enjoy with you.

Custardcreamandcoffee · 28/12/2023 23:00

Definitely your daughter

Circe32 · 28/12/2023 23:00

It was the daughter in collusion with the cat obvs...

Weenurse · 28/12/2023 23:05

The person who lives in the attic and comes down to eat when all are asleep and showers when everyone is out.
My theory and I am sticking to it.
The cat is innocent

Thepollonator · 28/12/2023 23:06

This thread is absolutely hilarious and the op has a wicked sense of humour! 🤣

Original poster
Mañanarama · 28/12/2023 23:06

Gardeningtime · 28/12/2023 22:59

I’m stuck at you all have indivual treat bags and you kept the biscuits to yourself instead of offering to your family to enjoy with you.

Mananarama doesn’t share food.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mañanarama · 28/12/2023 23:08

Weenurse · 28/12/2023 23:05

The person who lives in the attic and comes down to eat when all are asleep and showers when everyone is out.
My theory and I am sticking to it.
The cat is innocent

The daughter’s room is in the attic.

Thank you for believing in the cat.

OP posts:
SisyphusDad · 28/12/2023 23:08

It's obvious. Your cat wants you to think it's your daughter, but...

At whatever time the deed took place—MACAVITY WASN’T THERE!

Delassalle · 28/12/2023 23:08

The daughter.

Sp1ke3 · 28/12/2023 23:10

I’m afraid that you have been taken in by your cat. You are not his one true love. He was playing the long game and has now moved on to phase 2 of his plan. No biscuit is safe. Your only chance is to eat all the biscuits.

Original poster
Mañanarama · 28/12/2023 23:10

SisyphusDad · 28/12/2023 23:08

It's obvious. Your cat wants you to think it's your daughter, but...

At whatever time the deed took place—MACAVITY WASN’T THERE!

Fun fact: my dentist knows a dentist with a cat named Macavity. Bloody genius 😂

OP posts:
AbsoFrickingLuteley · 28/12/2023 23:10

All I'm picturing is that tiny box of biscuits from Ted Lasso that Ted brings the boss everyday.

Original poster
Mañanarama · 28/12/2023 23:11

Sp1ke3 · 28/12/2023 23:10

I’m afraid that you have been taken in by your cat. You are not his one true love. He was playing the long game and has now moved on to phase 2 of his plan. No biscuit is safe. Your only chance is to eat all the biscuits.

Reported for breaking my heart

OP posts:
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