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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to start an official inquiry into a missing biscuit

229 replies

Mañanarama · 28/12/2023 21:42

Ok. Long and lighthearted (ish) story short. I was given some beautiful hand made biscuits this Christmas. Only five of them, beautifully wrapped, especially for me. Put in my xmas treat bag (we have a bag each) in the living room.

Some fucker has eaten one.

Order of suspicion:

  1. Daughter, because I know she loves them, and she has previous for theft (of treats). But, she’s an appalling liar.
  2. Husband, he likes them but he’s not likely to be stupid enough to eat one because he understands the specialness.
  3. Son. Greedy teenager prone to minor fibs, but he wouldn’t like these and is suspicious about trying new things.
  4. The cat. Has never ever stolen human food. Would not think to clear crumbs up or conceal evidence.

They all flat deny it.
I’m annoyed.
Not because of the biscuit but because of the lie.

AIBU to call the rozzers remove some of their treats until the culprit confesses?

OP posts:
pizzaHeart · 28/12/2023 22:07

If wrapper was removed and no traces - it’s your daughter. Male species are not so thorough and usually leave lots of crumbs and other traces.
I would take your treat bag with you when you were out of the room OP.

LuluBlakey1 · 28/12/2023 22:08

So now you are starting to pin down a time frame- that's important. Can you narrow it down further. Think carefully.

You need to start cross-referencing the movements of the subjects with your time-frame, with any available evidence to confirm their accounts.

LovedmyRaleighChopper · 28/12/2023 22:10

I was that daughter. My policy was to strenuously deny until backed into a corner. I did not know the mental harm I caused my mother until I had three daughters who occasionally did the same to me. J’accuse your daughter.

TruJay · 28/12/2023 22:10

‘Well, two now as I’ve just eaten one as a comfort biscuit.’

😂😂😂

Tilllly · 28/12/2023 22:11

It's the daughter

Torture her until she confesses

Start by taking all her chargers
Then make an effort to chat to her friends. At length. Use phrases like "in my day"

Thefaceofboe · 28/12/2023 22:12

Leave the rest out and set a trap?? I’m sure it won’t be long before the culprit is tempted again

chompargh · 28/12/2023 22:13

hinterkitten · 28/12/2023 21:55

I would subscribe to this true crime podcast

Me too

AdaColeman · 28/12/2023 22:25

My money is on the Husband as the guilty party, because as any fule kno, men are all greedy, and are slaves to their baser instincts.
If he is keeping silent, he must be guilty and afraid to speak.
Also, some men are a bit thick, and wouldn't expect anyone to count biscuits.

Surely a dear sweet daughter would not take her Mother's special biscuit?

Original poster
Mañanarama · 28/12/2023 22:26

LuluBlakey1 · 28/12/2023 22:08

So now you are starting to pin down a time frame- that's important. Can you narrow it down further. Think carefully.

You need to start cross-referencing the movements of the subjects with your time-frame, with any available evidence to confirm their accounts.

A solid timeline is an intrinsic part of any serious investigations. Here goes.

11pm last night (Wednesday). Estimated time biscuits were opened, I know there were five, as in my head I had one per day left of 2023.

Daughter was asleep by then, husband was in bed, son was in his bedroom but awake. I did not hear anyone go downstairs. We have a really creaky step which I have deliberately not fixed as it would thwart burglars.

Today (Thursday) daughter and I were out 11am til 5pm. Husband was out 10-11am and 3-5pm. Son did not wake up until 11am and was out 3-4pm. Cat was in all day as does not like windy weather.

20:13 today (still Thursday) I discovered the crime and sent a WhatsApp on family group chat asking nicely who ate my biscuit. In capitals.

Daughter came downstairs laughing. Guilt laughter, I thought. Ridiculous mother, she replied.

Son summonsed. Dead pan denied it. Reminded me of previous incidents where sister has nicked chocolate.

At this point, and I’m not proud, I said we needed to take the cat to the vets for a very serious operation right now as it was obviously him who ate it, so get your coats on we’ll all go in case he doesn’t pull through.

Both children were laughing at me by this point and accused me of being dramatic.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mañanarama · 28/12/2023 22:28

LovedmyRaleighChopper · 28/12/2023 22:10

I was that daughter. My policy was to strenuously deny until backed into a corner. I did not know the mental harm I caused my mother until I had three daughters who occasionally did the same to me. J’accuse your daughter.

Interesting. I think this was also me. I think this is why my dad kept chocolate in the tool box in the garage. Best way of psychologically forcing a confession?

OP posts:
Grimchmas · 28/12/2023 22:30

I'm sorry to tell you, but your cat has a secret girlfriend cat. He brings her over to entertain her while you're not there. I think it could be her.

PossumintheHouse · 28/12/2023 22:32

It’s your daughter. First downstairs and laughing? You were on the money with guilt laughter.

Original poster
Mañanarama · 28/12/2023 22:32

AdaColeman · 28/12/2023 22:25

My money is on the Husband as the guilty party, because as any fule kno, men are all greedy, and are slaves to their baser instincts.
If he is keeping silent, he must be guilty and afraid to speak.
Also, some men are a bit thick, and wouldn't expect anyone to count biscuits.

Surely a dear sweet daughter would not take her Mother's special biscuit?

Husband does not have a sweet tooth whatsoever. If it was cheese he’d be Suspect No1.

However, he does say I need to let it go now, which while not making me feel suspicious, is making me feel more annoyed.

What a bastard.

OP posts:
MrsMoastyToasty · 28/12/2023 22:34

Read some Agatha Christie. It's always the butler (I'm assuming you have a butler).

Original poster
Mañanarama · 28/12/2023 22:35

PossumintheHouse · 28/12/2023 22:32

It’s your daughter. First downstairs and laughing? You were on the money with guilt laughter.

I feel like she will confess when I’m on my deathbed, and I will slip away peacefully, finally content after a lifetime of biscuit induced angst.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mañanarama · 28/12/2023 22:37

MrsMoastyToasty · 28/12/2023 22:34

Read some Agatha Christie. It's always the butler (I'm assuming you have a butler).

VERY INTERESTING. Because the biscuit makers surname is Butler. Hmmmm.

TELL ME WHAT YOU KNOW.
Are you one of my children?

OP posts:
WinterDeWinter · 28/12/2023 22:37

I think you should take a ‘phone call’ from the gift giver, and look alarmed while doing so. Say ‘explosive diarrhoea - are you absolutely sure?’

then very gravely inform your family —daughter— that anyone who has eaten the biscuits is about to suffer a gastric incident of some severity. There is an antidote however and you’re going to take it now, as you’re luckily just inside the window of efficacy…

Whattodo112222 · 28/12/2023 22:37

Has anyone given a no comment interview or asked for a duty solicitor?

Goldbar · 28/12/2023 22:38

In all fairness, the evidence against your daughter is circumstantial.

I suggest laying a trap with the remaining biscuits as bait to catch the culprit. Maybe some bags of flour or pots of red paint which fall when triggered by a fishing-line attached to the biscuits, Home Alone-style. Or a giant net.

Grumpyoldpersonwithcats · 28/12/2023 22:38

Need a photo of the cat. Bet he looks guilty...

Grimchmas · 28/12/2023 22:39

Grimchmas · 28/12/2023 22:30

I'm sorry to tell you, but your cat has a secret girlfriend cat. He brings her over to entertain her while you're not there. I think it could be her.

I feel like you haven't taken the cat girlfriend theory seriously enough, OP.

WetBandits · 28/12/2023 22:39

A cat, you say? It could only have been Samantha Peterson.

ireallycantthinkofaname · 28/12/2023 22:41

Not sure why you've even bothered considering other suspects when you've got a cat ..... it's always the cat, they're all criminals.

MrsMoastyToasty · 28/12/2023 22:42

@Mañanarama I ain't one of your children guvnor! , I taint never done it in all me born days. I ain't doing bird for sumfink I never did. Ize a good girl, I am.

Original poster
Mañanarama · 28/12/2023 22:43

Grimchmas · 28/12/2023 22:39

I feel like you haven't taken the cat girlfriend theory seriously enough, OP.

Show quote history

I am the cats one true love, he has no love left for any other. Theory ruled out.

OP posts:
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