AIBU to start an official inquiry into a missing biscuit

[Mañanarama]

Ok. Long and lighthearted (ish) story short. I was given some beautiful hand made biscuits this Christmas. Only five of them, beautifully wrapped, especially for me. Put in my xmas treat bag (we have a bag each) in the living room.

Some fucker has eaten one.

Order of suspicion:

1. Daughter, because I know she loves them, and she has previous for theft (of treats). But, she’s an appalling liar.
2. Husband, he likes them but he’s not likely to be stupid enough to eat one because he understands the specialness.
3. Son. Greedy teenager prone to minor fibs, but he wouldn’t like these and is suspicious about trying new things.
4. The cat. Has never ever stolen human food. Would not think to clear crumbs up or conceal evidence.

They all flat deny it.
I’m annoyed.
Not because of the biscuit but because of the lie.

AIBU to call the rozzers remove some of their treats until the culprit confesses?

Were there definitely five to start with? There haven't just been five in other years but this year was four?

I know who took it but I'm not telling...

@Mañanarama

I know this is a light hearted thread, but consider buying lockable snack boxes for your future treats maybe? Also, thank goodness it wasn't your last biscuit that was stolen - that would have been worse... 🌹

Morning all. I’ve just bitten the ears off both their Lindt bunnies and put them back in the bags. Not my finest hour, says husband. Cat looked as impressed as a cat can. Vengeance shall be mine.

Mananarama, age 49.

If that doesn’t prompt a confession, bite the tails off in 30 minutes.

Sorry Mañanarama but I have come to the sad conclusion that you must be a troll.
Up until your last post everything made sense 🤣 - but surely nobody has Lindt Easter Bunnies at home during the Christmas holidays?

Good point, just checked and they are in fact reindeer, I think. Or donkeys? There are four legs on the foil. I did think the ears were on the short side. Shorter now.

I suspect you OP, they were so delicious you ate a 2nd one without realising, maybe even after a few glasses of 🍷😝

Thank you - you had me worried for a moment, but your correction to Lindt reindeer/donkeys has reconfirmed the verisimilitude of the thread.
I apologise profusely for any suggestion of trolling 🤣.

Good point, just checked and they are in fact reindeer, I think. Or donkeys? There are four legs on the foil. I did think the ears were on the short side. Shorter now

I think the bunnies and reindeer are the same under the foil.

Whatthefuck?!

Indeed, they cannot be, surely?! Seems we have a secondary issue to investigate.

Indeed, they cannot be, surely?! Seems we have a secondary issue to investigate.

I've always assumed that they were the same as the reindeers look like bunnies!

I have neither so I can't launch an investigation.

just came here to let you know, it wasn't me. but FYI it's the law that a percentage of all cookies made are for the cookie monster, so please set aside my share in the future. thanks

It's your daughter. Announce there has been a recall on the product as a result of some nasty bacteria which can cause all manner of terrible things to 'insides'- can take up to 2 weeks to cause these effects as the bacteria reproduce inside the consumer until they reach a level where the damage starts to show.
Signs are : temperature rising, upset stomach, sore throat- and you have to take everyone's temperature every hour and report any concerns to environmental health.
See who looks worried! (The cat won't, they never do).

love the thread OP. but you are being far to soft. confiscate all treats from everyone until the thief comes clean. this is the only way.

This is my favourite thread of 2023 - well done @Mañanarama and I hope you get justice for your missing biscuit!

This thread has taken a turn for the very upsetting. All this time i thought it was choco venison I was eating and in fact it might have been choco rabbit. I could have been condimenting all wrong!

Oh, god.

...What about the Santas?!

Could it be joint enterprise?

And if we’re lucky, one of them will actually catch covid and mistake the symptoms for divine retribution?

Neither child has awoken from their biscuit induced coma sleep yet. I do have some good news though. I messaged the maker who confirmed there were five, but said she’ll make me some more after new year. Hooray. Win win for me… aside from the fact I live with a lying liar who lies.

What about the Santas

They're made in the same mould as a novelty willy chocolate. You're welcome.

This is gripping stuff OP. Can you start a podcast? People would listen to this and you could get biscuit sponsorship.

You're messing with me.

<stops googling bunny-deers, starts googling Santa-penis>

They are indeed. Which was why DS happily informed me he had had a rabbit in his advent calendar one morning. As the person that had filled it, and therefore knew there were definitely no rabbits, it took me a while to work out what he meant....

<swiftly stops googling Santa penis>

I have also searched my soul to see if I’ve accidentally eaten it. Conclusion: I have not.

😂😂