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Original poster

To get my brother fired

170 replies

Hooplahooping · 28/12/2023 18:56

A couple of months ago my brother told me he looked at my students files while he was working in the student office (he’s doing a masters at the uni I did my under grad at yrs ago - and is working in admin there part time while studying

I brushed it off at the time as poor judgement. But it bothered me sufficiently that I requested my own records to see what was on file there which arrived today.

  • All my transcripts + degree grades etc
  • A disciplinary panel record from when I sloppily referenced an essay + had to discuss plagerism with faculty and re submit.
  • a disciplinary record for poor seminar attendance and ‘attendance agreement’
  • a letter from my GP about anxiety
  • a letter from Marie Stopes about a pregnancy termination which required absence from said seminar series I’d signed an attendance agreement.
  • some standard halls of residence + student loan details.

I am truly not ashamed of 19 year old me - nor is any of it info that would explode my life if the world knows (DH knows everything anyway) - but that doesn’t mean that I would chose to share that information widely. Certainly not with a brother who I am not particularly close to.

I’m happy now, I have a happy balanced life with DH and two lovely DDs

what was he thinking? Is he trying to secretly shame me? Hang it over my head to make me feel bad?

He’s extremely brittle and if I ask him about it further he’ll cry and make excuse and melt into a puddle.

I think I’m just going to sit down and tell my parents all the potentially upsetting stuff just so I feel like I have control of the information. I’m not concerned that it will change their opinion of me.

I am furious though. I want to tell the university and get him fired.

how dare he? I’m so fed up with treading on eggshells around him because ‘life is harder for him’

OP posts:
Original poster
Hooplahooping · 29/12/2023 01:13

Crinkle77 · 29/12/2023 00:13

Yes I'm confused about this too. What department was he working in to have access to all this information in the one place. The academic department and student records team would have access to grades and academic malpractice info but surely not medical information like an abortion surely. Unless it was submitted to back up any extenuating mitigating circumstances for extensions or to fight the disciplinary accusations?

Edited
Show quote history

I think you’re right that very little of this info would have been available to a temp in the admissions department. I suspect he just saw my grade transcript which has a more failed / retaken modules than I admitted ant the time - and my grades which he feels smug about knowing weren’t as good as his.

On reflection I feel pretty confident that he wouldn’t have had access to all the info the SAR dredged up.

so really it’s just the violation of privileged information + the fact that he’s being so openly hostile about having acquired it - and is going to what… tell on me to mummy and daddy that I had to resit some exams in 2009?!

the more my rage subsides. The more deeply pathetic it is.

I’m going to send a messages saying :-

‘I’ve been reflecting on our conversation in October when you told me that you had accessed my student record, I am sure you know that’s a violation of data protection regulation / law. How were you expecting / hoping I would react when you told me that you had done that?”

then I will have soothed my soul by saying something at least.

OP posts:
dingdonggooley · 29/12/2023 01:20

Hooplahooping · 29/12/2023 01:13

I think you’re right that very little of this info would have been available to a temp in the admissions department. I suspect he just saw my grade transcript which has a more failed / retaken modules than I admitted ant the time - and my grades which he feels smug about knowing weren’t as good as his.

On reflection I feel pretty confident that he wouldn’t have had access to all the info the SAR dredged up.

so really it’s just the violation of privileged information + the fact that he’s being so openly hostile about having acquired it - and is going to what… tell on me to mummy and daddy that I had to resit some exams in 2009?!

the more my rage subsides. The more deeply pathetic it is.

I’m going to send a messages saying :-

‘I’ve been reflecting on our conversation in October when you told me that you had accessed my student record, I am sure you know that’s a violation of data protection regulation / law. How were you expecting / hoping I would react when you told me that you had done that?”

then I will have soothed my soul by saying something at least.

Show quote history

Ok, hun, you do that.

Then you can report back to us how your brother/sister took it.

On a side note, in your previous thread you said your sibling needed therapy. I hope you take your own advice because stressing about marks you got in 2009 (which, incidentally was NOT 20 years ago although you've allowed people to labour under the misaprehension that it was and not corrected it) and how your parents would react to that suggests you could do a bit of work on yourself.

Original poster
Hooplahooping · 29/12/2023 01:21

dingdonggooley · 29/12/2023 01:09

I don't really know why you keep posting about your family and changing details without changing your username.

But I remember your use of the term 'brittle' about your sibling in your previous thread:

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4820498-to-not-want-to-spent-my-life-being-emotionally-responsible-for-my-sister

So is it your brother or your sister? Are they doing as Masters or a Phd? And why are you so obsessed with them?

Ah, yeah I tried to change the details in the previous thread to avoid it feeling so obvious to any familiar reader who I / we might be. I value the advice given here very much but don’t want to out myself. Maybe should have changed my name!

am I obsessed with said brother? Perhaps too triggered and should let it go. I’m having my own therapy to work through what a doormat / people pleaser I have been around family members and it’s making me confront some uncomfortable stuff.

Said therapist is helping me sift through much of it - but this transcript thing is hard to stomach

OP posts:
WavingCatsandDogs · 29/12/2023 01:26

Do not pander - just say GDPR came into force to prevent bored nosey fuckers like you. LOL.

user1492757084 · 29/12/2023 02:04

Only tell your parents if you would any way.
Your brother will not tell. Say if he does he will get reported by you and he will lose his job. Ban your brother from talking about your records with you or anyone else again.

Report to the university, anonymously, that you know your files and records have been accessed. Request that they lock away data after a set time and put safer protocols in place and remind them that you reserve the right to sue them in future.

3luckystars · 29/12/2023 11:02

When I was working in admin, there needed to be a very good reason for holding ANY information on a person.

The GDPR rules were extremely clear about this.

There is absolutely no good reason why a university would hold this information long term about you.

I would raise an enquiry to the university about their policy on this, if in fact they are holding this information for all these years that has nothing to do with your education, and it is also not being protected.

There is something not adding up here.

3luckystars · 29/12/2023 11:05

Here is the first thing I found, I’m going to look for some actual GDPR rules for you now:

To get my brother fired
MumHereAgain2023 · 29/12/2023 11:14

He needs to be reported to stop doing this.

Gardeningtime · 29/12/2023 11:16

MumHereAgain2023 · 29/12/2023 11:14

He needs to be reported to stop doing this.

What do yoh mean? He’s don’t it once and doesn’t really need to do it again.

im also surprised at what the uni is holding after 20 years to be honest.

Crinkle77 · 29/12/2023 11:42

WavingCatsandDogs · 29/12/2023 01:26

Do not pander - just say GDPR came into force to prevent bored nosey fuckers like you. LOL.

Yes or just blank him. He's trying to provoke a reaction. Don't give it to him.

cansu · 29/12/2023 11:46

No I wouldn't get a family member fired.

mottytotty · 29/12/2023 11:52

dingdonggooley · 29/12/2023 01:09

I don't really know why you keep posting about your family and changing details without changing your username.

But I remember your use of the term 'brittle' about your sibling in your previous thread:

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4820498-to-not-want-to-spent-my-life-being-emotionally-responsible-for-my-sister

So is it your brother or your sister? Are they doing as Masters or a Phd? And why are you so obsessed with them?

Posters often change details to avoid being outed, I do it too.

No need to act like Columbo.

mottytotty · 29/12/2023 11:53

dingdonggooley · 29/12/2023 01:20

Ok, hun, you do that.

Then you can report back to us how your brother/sister took it.

On a side note, in your previous thread you said your sibling needed therapy. I hope you take your own advice because stressing about marks you got in 2009 (which, incidentally was NOT 20 years ago although you've allowed people to labour under the misaprehension that it was and not corrected it) and how your parents would react to that suggests you could do a bit of work on yourself.

Show quote history

Why are you stalking her so much? It’s quite creepy.

And what’s with the patronising ‘hun’?

Ramalangadingdong · 29/12/2023 14:01

dingdonggooley · 29/12/2023 01:09

I don't really know why you keep posting about your family and changing details without changing your username.

But I remember your use of the term 'brittle' about your sibling in your previous thread:

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4820498-to-not-want-to-spent-my-life-being-emotionally-responsible-for-my-sister

So is it your brother or your sister? Are they doing as Masters or a Phd? And why are you so obsessed with them?

I guess the details have been changed to prevent being outed - which is wise.

it sounds like sibling is obsessed with @Hooplahooping not the other way round.

HalebiHabibti · 29/12/2023 14:12

I would do the following.

A) tell your parents that DB accessed your records and told you he had done so.
B) tell them he is threatening to tell parents what he found out, so for reference it is X, Y and Z.
C) tell them he will probably be fired by the university if you report this data breach, and that he probably should be fired as you're surely not the only person he's done this too.
D) ask them to consider what a sorry sort of person he must be to act in such a pathetic manner.

I'd leave it after that.

Original poster
Hooplahooping · 29/12/2023 14:32

Ramalangadingdong · 29/12/2023 14:01

I guess the details have been changed to prevent being outed - which is wise.

it sounds like sibling is obsessed with @Hooplahooping not the other way round.

Show quote history

Appreciate you guys understanding. It’s one thing to feel furious + seek advice, and quite another to put them on potentially public blast…

really grateful for all the perspective I have been offered by so many of you / reassurance I’m not being over reactive

OP posts:
JenniferJupiterVenusandMars · 29/12/2023 14:33

He’s extremely brittle and if I ask him about it further he’ll cry and make excuse and melt into a puddle

A very convenient ruse to manipulate and coerce people into doing what he wants.
What a pathetic specimen he must be. I’d call him out on it, it’s about time someone confronted the little jerk.

Wristfolds · 29/12/2023 14:38

If you confront him he’ll piss and whine and it’ll all be your fault somehow. If you report him he won’t be able to pull that shit at work…

LondonGrey · 29/12/2023 18:38

Firstly universities can hold info
secondly I would get a grip and let it go

willWillSmithsmith · 30/12/2023 07:34

Hooplahooping · 28/12/2023 21:14

Thank you so much for all your input

I apologise for suggesting that horrible behaviour was a sign of neurodivergence - not cool - I guess I’ve been trying to give him the benefit of the doubt and make excuses because, ultimately even those he’s not very kind to me, he’s my brother + I love him.

those of you that say his ‘brittleness’ + melt downs are a very effective get out of jail free card for him have, I think, hit the nail on the head.

I am going to go low contact for a while to let myself process this and simmer down a bit. I don’t want to do anything rash. And then I will talk to him directly - and tell him that I have zero shame about whatever he happened to see on my record, and that him choosing to try and somehow discredit me.

I am truly not stressed about any of this information coming out now - it was a different life time and, while I didn’t cover myself in glory, it doesn’t have any bearing on my happy life now.

I don’t want him to get fired. I certainly don’t want him to end up losing his masters place etc.

I do need to set some very clear boundaries about how I engage with him going forward. I have not been doing myself (or him) any favours by letting his mean spirited-ness slide for so long.

I don’t think I’d mention ‘not feeling shame’ as you don’t know what he’s seen (if anything). No need to defend yourself, especially over stuff he may not even know about anyway.

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