To get my brother fired

[Hooplahooping]

A couple of months ago my brother told me he looked at my students files while he was working in the student office (he’s doing a masters at the uni I did my under grad at yrs ago - and is working in admin there part time while studying

I brushed it off at the time as poor judgement. But it bothered me sufficiently that I requested my own records to see what was on file there which arrived today.

• All my transcripts + degree grades etc
• A disciplinary panel record from when I sloppily referenced an essay + had to discuss plagerism with faculty and re submit.
• a disciplinary record for poor seminar attendance and ‘attendance agreement’
• a letter from my GP about anxiety
• a letter from Marie Stopes about a pregnancy termination which required absence from said seminar series I’d signed an attendance agreement.
• some standard halls of residence + student loan details.

I am truly not ashamed of 19 year old me - nor is any of it info that would explode my life if the world knows (DH knows everything anyway) - but that doesn’t mean that I would chose to share that information widely. Certainly not with a brother who I am not particularly close to.

I’m happy now, I have a happy balanced life with DH and two lovely DDs

what was he thinking? Is he trying to secretly shame me? Hang it over my head to make me feel bad?

He’s extremely brittle and if I ask him about it further he’ll cry and make excuse and melt into a puddle.

I think I’m just going to sit down and tell my parents all the potentially upsetting stuff just so I feel like I have control of the information. I’m not concerned that it will change their opinion of me.

I am furious though. I want to tell the university and get him fired.

how dare he? I’m so fed up with treading on eggshells around him because ‘life is harder for him’

Years ago someone in my office was fired for doing a credit check on David Cameron.

I would casually mention GDPR and job loss to your brother and leave it at that. If he escalates, you escalate. He hasn’t got the upper hand.

Follow the law, policy and procedures in the workplace and you won't have any issues. We've seen in the MET and fire service when people doing as they want are ignored. A culture builds up until something major happens.

He’s the youngest of the three of us and has always felt resentment about his older brother and me (older sister) having more ‘social confidence’

I wonder if there is some sort of neurodivergence - he is perfectly academically competent - as an engineering masters attests to - but he has set himself up as ‘the clever one’ and seems to look for ways to put me down by putting me in a box as someone who is vapid and not interested in ‘serious things’

he is very fragile + defensive when asked questions. I know I can be insensitive sometimes - but I feel like I have invested huge energy over the years in trying to reassure him. I’ve been very vulnerable with him about my own therapy with him at times.

I just feel like, to him, this was an opportunity to ‘show me’ that he knows I’m secretly a bit of a f*up. To have one over on me.

I feel really hurt. And distrustful.

the last thing I want to do is create some sort of horrible family rift - but I just don’t want his negative energy around my own little family.

I probably wont get him vindictively fired. But I know if I take it up with him he’ll meltdown. I just don’t know what to do with my huge feelings around it.

It's unlikely he'd be able to access your medical or disciplinary records - unless he routinely deals with such in his role, and it would be unusual for a current student to have that sort of role as a temp job at the same uni. (Old records should have been archived anyway.)

You could email the registrar and ask what process there is in place to make sure that current students with pt student records jobs are not able to access records of their peers or family?

What is he planning on doing with the information he purports to have though?

Oh balance, and I am a really private person who understands some of your experiences first hand I think I would give it to him in writing that he was in breach of both university policy and being a decent brother with boundaries for looking at your personal information.

I would let him know that you have checked your own records so know what is available (don't tell him what this content is) and that if he wanted to know more about you your life, he had only to ask. Let him know that there is nothing particularly contentious on your records but that if any of it is passed on or you have reason to believe he has looked again, you will report him to the university without further warning.

Let him weep and moan. It was highly intrusive and inappropriate behaviour and he needs to learn.

I think this is both a tough lesson and a compromise.

This. I highly doubt he would be able to see all of that from your files! That is probably ALL the info the university holds about you - he would not have seen all of that.

It's a serious breach of his position & would certainly result in disciplinary action. Uni IT wil be able to track who has accessed your records. DH is head of student services at RG uni & would be appalled if a member of his staff did this.
You have nothing to be ashamed of, but I'd feel same as you & want to regain control of my information by telling parents. Tough if your brother 'falls apart' the issue is of his making & he absolutely will have been aware he should not have done this. I'd also be wondering who else's information he has accessed.

Are you sure he definitely saw your files and wasn't just winding you up? Where I work all HR files are archived after six years and wouldn't be available to admin staff, but they could be retrieved if requested, which would take a week or so. All current staff would have access to would be the person's name, reference number and start and leaving dates.

Yes, try and get him sacked. Also try and publicly humiliate him.
Men are such vile creatures.

You don't have the power to get him fired. You can only report. If he gets fired it will be entirely his own fault, not yours, or any vindictiveness. He is in a position of trust and has abused it.

Also will you please not use 'neurodivergence' to excuse not just bad - but illegal in this case behaviour. This is the third thread on which I've had to point this out and it's getting extremely wearing.

her brother shouldn’t have looked up confidential information. He would get himself fired.

Telling your parents seems a good way to go. Are they the type of parents you can easily talk to and maybe work through some of these feelings you're having?

Quite honestly, I think I'd also have a stern word with your brother. Him having a meltdown about his own poor and unprofessional behaviour is his responsibility. Perhaps the threat of reporting him (even if you don't intend to do it) will give him a taste of what could happen in the real world if he pulls this shit.

This isn't a man thing. All the people who've broken my confidence or snooped on me have been women. My impression is that men are far less curious about their family and friends' private lives.

It absolutely is a big deal, it’s a very serious breach of GDPR laws for a reason. You obviously have extremely poor boundary and impulse control along with being untrustworthy. That is a gross betrayal of someone’s private details. You don’t have the right to be snooping through someone else’s business! OP It’s shocking behaviour from an adult who is training to be employed in a position of trust. He’s not even qualified and already is abusing his authority. I would report. Brother or not, he needs to be taught a lesson in following procedures and natural consequences. He’s clearly not suitable for the job anyway and may take a job position in future of someone more deserving than him.

Will you getting him fired, and possibly worse, affect your relationship with your parents? He is their son all said and done so you’ll need to weigh that up.

"Couldn't you get fired for that?"
"I don't think that's allowed. Surely you didn't breach GDRP and risk your job for that?"

No need to walk on eggshells around him. Like you said, you aren't ashamed of your past. He wouldn't dare dob himself in by revealing anything to your family. If he did, I'd report and take it as far as I could. No hesitation!

The university should have more security in place , how can he just access anyone's records just like that ?

Both need reporting i'd say

Tell your parents then message your brother “Just to let you know I’ve informed mum and dad about the content of the information you obtained through serious misconduct behaviour at work on the off chance you were considering sharing this information.” When he replies with defensiveness and woe is me reply and say “I’m not interested in any conversation whereby you continue to paint yourself as a victim in a situation where I was the victim”. If he persists “If you continue to message me regarding this I will be forced to inform your employer about your misconduct and your now harassment regarding it”. It’s time he had a boundary set.

I work at a uni and he will definitely know this is a huge no no. Will have been trained as a condition of system access. Report him anonymously, they’ll check and can tell him it’s a spot check that caught him.

People like you are why I don't trust any organisation's claims of security about their recordkeeping and have opted out of the NHS Summary Care Records system.

This is a huge deal. People have a right to confidentiality.

The university shouldn't be holding that much personal information for this long, it should have been deleted years ago.

I would probably tell him that it was bloody outrageous of him to look at your files, and that you’ve drafted an email to the university which you will send if he (or your parents) ever discuss or even hint at the content of the files. Tell him you’ll forget about it and put it behind you, but if it ever transpires that he’s told others of the content, or refers to it in conversation with you, then the email to the university is being sent.

If he wants you to have the fear of revelation hanging over you, then you can return the favour!

Are you sure he definitely saw your files and wasn't just winding you up?

I was wondering the same.

Either way, it's manipulative behaviour. I would do what @Catlord suggests. If he cries and melts into a puddle, so be it. You don't have to shield him from the consequences of his actions.

He's not brittle, he's a manipulative control freak who has told you this in order to have power over you. His crying etc. is the same - a way to control people. I would report. even if you tell your parents everything about YOU, there is a good chance he has done/will do this to others. Report him.

IANAL - but I’d be interested to hear the university’s ’legitimate interest’ for holding for records for that long, because I’m not sure some of the things you mention meet that threshold.