To get my brother fired

[Hooplahooping]

A couple of months ago my brother told me he looked at my students files while he was working in the student office (he’s doing a masters at the uni I did my under grad at yrs ago - and is working in admin there part time while studying

I brushed it off at the time as poor judgement. But it bothered me sufficiently that I requested my own records to see what was on file there which arrived today.

• All my transcripts + degree grades etc
• A disciplinary panel record from when I sloppily referenced an essay + had to discuss plagerism with faculty and re submit.
• a disciplinary record for poor seminar attendance and ‘attendance agreement’
• a letter from my GP about anxiety
• a letter from Marie Stopes about a pregnancy termination which required absence from said seminar series I’d signed an attendance agreement.
• some standard halls of residence + student loan details.

I am truly not ashamed of 19 year old me - nor is any of it info that would explode my life if the world knows (DH knows everything anyway) - but that doesn’t mean that I would chose to share that information widely. Certainly not with a brother who I am not particularly close to.

I’m happy now, I have a happy balanced life with DH and two lovely DDs

what was he thinking? Is he trying to secretly shame me? Hang it over my head to make me feel bad?

He’s extremely brittle and if I ask him about it further he’ll cry and make excuse and melt into a puddle.

I think I’m just going to sit down and tell my parents all the potentially upsetting stuff just so I feel like I have control of the information. I’m not concerned that it will change their opinion of me.

I am furious though. I want to tell the university and get him fired.

how dare he? I’m so fed up with treading on eggshells around him because ‘life is harder for him’

I don’t want him to get fired. I certainly don’t want him to end up losing his masters place etc.

Shame. It’s no more than he deserves.

A pp suggested setting up a WhatsApp group with him and your parents and informing him that you are considering your options around his serious transgression. This is a great idea. Point out the consequences of his action if you take your own action with the uni authorities, and wait to see his and your DPs' reactions.

Then you'll have a better idea of how or if to proceed. No more eggshells around 'D'B - time to put a stop to all that. He's adult enough to be doing a masters, so old enough to behave like one.

I work in a university (albeit in Ireland) and there’s absolutely no way a student would be able to access student records. We have “student help” working with us throughout the year but they are not able to access the student record system. Could he just be saying this to wind you up?

Yes, I think this is the most likely scenario too. He certainly wouldn’t be able to see everything you have received, OP. I’m a HoD and wouldn’t have access to half of the stuff you mention.

Abusers always consider themselves as the victim. He did it and told you about it to get power over you. He is also doing it to his colleagues and course mates. He is vile and needs to be stopped. Please report him. He can do his masters somewhere else and he will learn a valuable lesson. The university needs to seriously increase their GDPR practices as they are lacking. You owe your brother nothing, no explanation, no apology. He has brought all of this on himself by being an abusive little twat. I would be fuming and letting him have it with both barrels. He is an adult and needs to learn some very serious lessons about the consequences of his behaviour.

If it were my brother I would read him the riot act and then give him a second chance. It’s possible he claimed he accessed them as a joke to wind you up. If you report him and then there is no access log showing he looked at them, then you’d have egg on your face and your wider family would likely turn on you.

YANBU but personally I wouldn't try to get him fired, I'd try to think of a different strategy to let him know live and direct that it's not OK

I used to work in University admin and would say it is highly unlikely he was able to access all of that, it will have been held in different places.

That said, I'm surprised a lot of that information wasn't permanently deleted years ago. I'd be interested in hearing their legitimate purpose for holding that information on your record. I think in your shoes I'd be tempted to say you're surprised that your private medical information is still on file with them and as it is so sensitive, could they please check who has accessed your personal records.

That way, you're not accusing your brother directly to the University and if they investigate internally and find out he has well then, that's too bad....

@Peppermint81

No big deal, I would sneak a peek at someone I knew records if opportunity was there. Just out of curiosity- doubt he thought he would uncover anything important

Would you really? That's not as normal as you seem to think it is. It's a really really weird, intrusive thing to do.

It's a sackable offence in many jobs for a reason. It certainly isn't 'no big deal'.

What a bizarre attitude you have to privacy.

Same here. Be a serious oversight if they had given him such access. It may be to wind you up snd watch you explode. Trolling by him.

If it were me, I wouldn't report him tbh. I think it's human nature to want to snoop, but most people understand the seriousness of getting caught, so don't do it. I think in a moment of madness he did something he shouldn't have. But if he loses his place in his masters or this effects his future employability , he'll probably always blame you for not beibg able to achieve what he hoped to achieve. You will probably blame yourself or feel guilty for it too. We all have to live with our conscience, and I don't think I would have a clear conscience if I reported my brother.

Honestly it sounds like he told you this to leverage some psychological power. To imply that he had dirt he could hold over your head. I think you need to make it very, very clear that by admitting that he did this, he broke privacy laws and breached his contract of employment. The fact that he had gone out of his way to illegally look at your transcripts without your permission gives you the power to have him lose his job and impact his ability to get future jobs. You could even potentially sue him for damages.

No big deal, I would sneak a peek at someone I knew records if opportunity was there. Just out of curiosity-

Then you are extremely stupid. Computer systems have full audit trails, so everything you do is recorded.

When responding to tenders for any of the systems we develop (and we have a diverse portfolio), this is one of the questions that we have to go over the top on answering.

I think if you go in and start telling him that you’re not ashamed of anything that he might have read, you are flagging up to him that you have done things that most people might find shaming.

Tell the university that it has come to your attention that sensitive information from your historic file has been searched and read.

Let them deal with the rest of it.

This is the part I am most angry about.

I’m not ashamed of the actual information. I’m furious that he dropped into conversation that he’d accessed privileged info so casually. It ties in to a pattern of compwtititive behaviour from him. He needs to make himself the ‘winner’.

That I got a drank-too-much 2:2 seems to be a source of solace to him when people say something positive about me.

I try and boost him up, he tries to tear me down. I’ve tried to be vulnerable. He’s gone digging for more information to support his negative narrative about me.

this is eye opening for me.

You say he's your brother so you love him, but I don't think he has your best interests at heart - he resents you and puts you down. Don't share your vulnerabilities with him - he may well throw them back in your face when it suits him, I know my awful brother did.

I think this is a good opportunity to put some distance between the two of you, he is very unlikely to change and become a decent brother, and it's not your role to be his emotional punchbag.

You sure you don’t want to get the weasley little fucker sacked?

You need to try to stop caring so much. As an onlooker I read that list and think so?so what if he knows. So what if he tells your parents, you’re a grown up. Not a teen any more. If he does, you just say, so what, it was two decades ago. You’re too 0ld to play “my brother is going to tell on me.”

honestly. Let it go. Stop,investing so much energy in it. Yes if he’s read it it’s bad, a breach of privacy but not something to go running to your parents to fess up about.

GDPR in principle is great, but yes good god it is (mis)used for justifying shitty record keeping practices.

And you'd rightly be sacked the instant you did.

What a violation. A gross show of attempted power.

He deserves to be fired.

Sorry if I missed this but are you sure he saw all this information?

Is it possible he just saw your results etc. and none of this other info and just said it to get information out of you? Think very carefully about the exact conversation.

Also, why are the university holding on to this information? That is absolutely shocking, all that matters are your results and the rest of this info should be destroyed after a certain period. I would not be happy about that at all. It’s completely unnecessary for them to hold on to this personal stuff (in my opinion) what good reason would they need to keep it for?

Yes I'm confused about this too. What department was he working in to have access to all this information in the one place. The academic department and student records team would have access to grades and academic malpractice info but surely not medical information like an abortion surely. Unless it was submitted to back up any extenuating mitigating circumstances for extensions or to fight the disciplinary accusations?

I don't really know why you keep posting about your family and changing details without changing your username.

But I remember your use of the term 'brittle' about your sibling in your previous thread:

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4820498-to-not-want-to-spent-my-life-being-emotionally-responsible-for-my-sister

So is it your brother or your sister? Are they doing as Masters or a Phd? And why are you so obsessed with them?