My younger sister (34) has always been very socially awkward.
Whenever she attends events that I’m at she follows me around / stands awkwardly near me in silence waiting for inclusion. She has a history of getting much more drunk than other people + needing to be looked after. If I opt out of looking after her + tailoring my behaviour to make she’s ok then she has melted down / freaked out and tried to run away (at large events) - which is more of a problem because she’s my sister - and I don’t want her to be in extreme distress or unsafe.
I know I sound like a (40 yo) brat - but she really really spoils my enjoyment of these events. It takes effort and energy for me as a natural introvert to show up and be social - and I want to get the most out of that rather than commit my energy to looking after her. Even more so now o have a little girl of my own + limited bandwidth
She has a flat mate + a few good friends from school and college. But she’s talking about moving back to our home town so she can join in our lives here (we chose to move close to some cousins who I am close to + have a standing movie night / pot luck dinners / help walk each others dogs etc). And I’m a bit terrified. I find the semi regular events we attend together hard. I don’t want to spend my life responsible for her.
I know that she would expect to be included in all our regular activities. And it would be hard to say no. She’s very brittle + dissolves into tears in the face of perceived negativity (eg my husband asking her to please be mindful of her volume when trying to get baby to sleep)
while I love her very much, I feel like she’s running away from her life. That if she runs to me, who she knows feels obliged to look after her, she’ll never be an adult in our relationship.
I would like her to have some therapy, to build her own thing. Then for sure, move back to her hometown as a grown up -
She has studied internationally, has a Doctorate from a great school, and is financially extremely secure as a result of grandparents generosity.
AIBU to explain to her that that I don’t want to be responsible for her + that her moving back home to piggy back on the life I’ve created with my husband isn’t fair?