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Original poster

To get my brother fired

170 replies

Hooplahooping · 28/12/2023 18:56

A couple of months ago my brother told me he looked at my students files while he was working in the student office (he’s doing a masters at the uni I did my under grad at yrs ago - and is working in admin there part time while studying

I brushed it off at the time as poor judgement. But it bothered me sufficiently that I requested my own records to see what was on file there which arrived today.

  • All my transcripts + degree grades etc
  • A disciplinary panel record from when I sloppily referenced an essay + had to discuss plagerism with faculty and re submit.
  • a disciplinary record for poor seminar attendance and ‘attendance agreement’
  • a letter from my GP about anxiety
  • a letter from Marie Stopes about a pregnancy termination which required absence from said seminar series I’d signed an attendance agreement.
  • some standard halls of residence + student loan details.

I am truly not ashamed of 19 year old me - nor is any of it info that would explode my life if the world knows (DH knows everything anyway) - but that doesn’t mean that I would chose to share that information widely. Certainly not with a brother who I am not particularly close to.

I’m happy now, I have a happy balanced life with DH and two lovely DDs

what was he thinking? Is he trying to secretly shame me? Hang it over my head to make me feel bad?

He’s extremely brittle and if I ask him about it further he’ll cry and make excuse and melt into a puddle.

I think I’m just going to sit down and tell my parents all the potentially upsetting stuff just so I feel like I have control of the information. I’m not concerned that it will change their opinion of me.

I am furious though. I want to tell the university and get him fired.

how dare he? I’m so fed up with treading on eggshells around him because ‘life is harder for him’

OP posts:
Differentstarts · 28/12/2023 21:11

I'd be fuming I had someone do something similar to me within the nhs. Its completely unacceptable and nobody should be looking at anyone's private records without a valid reason.

Calmdown14 · 28/12/2023 21:11

What area of the university is he employed in?
In registry I'd expect him to be able to view the academic record but not the medical records in full.

Beside the point in terms of GDPR breach but he may not have as much as you think.

RoastyToastyBaps · 28/12/2023 21:12

Report him. It is a big deal. I work for a bank. I know family member's/friends/my ex-husband may have or do have accounts with the bank. I’d never in a million years snoop into their private information/accounts. I agree with others that if he’s looked at yours, he’ll look at others too. It’s a total invasion of privacy and he only has himself to blame for any consequences.

MCOut · 28/12/2023 21:12

He really does deserve any consequences that come his way but I don’t think you should report him OP. You are clearly in the right but your family might not thank you for any breach that occurs from dealing with it externally. You should still confront him about it and talk to your parents no matter how upset he gets.

ohdamnitjanet · 28/12/2023 21:13

Catlord · 28/12/2023 19:22

Oh balance, and I am a really private person who understands some of your experiences first hand I think I would give it to him in writing that he was in breach of both university policy and being a decent brother with boundaries for looking at your personal information.

I would let him know that you have checked your own records so know what is available (don't tell him what this content is) and that if he wanted to know more about you your life, he had only to ask. Let him know that there is nothing particularly contentious on your records but that if any of it is passed on or you have reason to believe he has looked again, you will report him to the university without further warning.

Let him weep and moan. It was highly intrusive and inappropriate behaviour and he needs to learn.

I think this is both a tough lesson and a compromise.

I think this is an excellent and more than fair way forward.

haXXor · 28/12/2023 21:14

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

There's this law called the Data Protection Act 2018 and a codified standard of ethics for engineers. The OP isn't the one who has broken both of these, no matter what else is on her university record.

Original poster
Hooplahooping · 28/12/2023 21:14

Thank you so much for all your input

I apologise for suggesting that horrible behaviour was a sign of neurodivergence - not cool - I guess I’ve been trying to give him the benefit of the doubt and make excuses because, ultimately even those he’s not very kind to me, he’s my brother + I love him.

those of you that say his ‘brittleness’ + melt downs are a very effective get out of jail free card for him have, I think, hit the nail on the head.

I am going to go low contact for a while to let myself process this and simmer down a bit. I don’t want to do anything rash. And then I will talk to him directly - and tell him that I have zero shame about whatever he happened to see on my record, and that him choosing to try and somehow discredit me.

I am truly not stressed about any of this information coming out now - it was a different life time and, while I didn’t cover myself in glory, it doesn’t have any bearing on my happy life now.

I don’t want him to get fired. I certainly don’t want him to end up losing his masters place etc.

I do need to set some very clear boundaries about how I engage with him going forward. I have not been doing myself (or him) any favours by letting his mean spirited-ness slide for so long.

OP posts:
TotteringByRosie · 28/12/2023 21:15

Your brother did the wrong thing, but a bigger issue is that the university is in breach of GDPR as they should destroy student files after 7 years. You need to seek redress from the university for flouting your personal information by keeping it in excess of legal timescales and not keeping the information securely.

LlynTegid · 28/12/2023 21:16

If he is doing this about you, what is he doing with the information about the students? Maybe to harass one of them, say a vulnerable young woman?

SilverCatStripes · 28/12/2023 21:16

This doesn’t add up.

If the uni did hold that information (and some of it seems random for them to have) it wouldn’t be in a physical file , it will have been archived (ie scanned in and kept digitally) and the paperwork destroyed.

So I think you are worrying over nothing OP.

psspsspssmrrowww · 28/12/2023 21:18

LlynTegid · 28/12/2023 21:16

If he is doing this about you, what is he doing with the information about the students? Maybe to harass one of them, say a vulnerable young woman?

This OP.
I appreciate you are over it. And just going to take some time to think.
But if he did have access others will too.
It could lead a more vulnerable person to suicide, blackmail all sorts. No, am not being dramatic GDPR rules are strong for a reason.
You have a duty to report it.

saraclara · 28/12/2023 21:19

When did you leave uni @Hooplahooping ?

rwalker · 28/12/2023 21:27

SilverCatStripes · 28/12/2023 21:16

This doesn’t add up.

If the uni did hold that information (and some of it seems random for them to have) it wouldn’t be in a physical file , it will have been archived (ie scanned in and kept digitally) and the paperwork destroyed.

So I think you are worrying over nothing OP.

I work for one of the utilities all our customers accounts archive after 7 years

I’ve recently chased an unclaimed endowment and a old Halifax current account all of this info had been archived and had to be applied for and took forever

wasn’t sat on a shelf in a folder with my name on

Callipygion · 28/12/2023 21:29

HelpMeGetThrough · 28/12/2023 20:34

He’s extremely brittle and if I ask him about it further he’ll cry and make excuse and melt into a puddle

Oh, I'd make him a little more brittle.

Tell him you are going to have a very long hard think about whether to inform his employer as to what he has said he's done, but you really have no idea how long that is going to take, but his employer may or may not be having a word at some point.

Bastard behaviour, yep, but no worse than his shitty behaviour. Make him sweat it out.

This is genius. I’d do this.

Porageeater · 28/12/2023 21:31

I work at a uni and different things are held in different places, or only certain people have access to certain things. The general, basic records wouldn’t show information like this. So if he looked at your record he may not have seen all of this, he wouldn’t where I work anyway.

Brefugee · 28/12/2023 21:31

you can take two approaches i think.
One is ask him why he did that and what he thinks he will gain by it.
If he's going to try to blackmail you, tell your parents (since i assume that's who he will go to) and tell him to take his best shot.
Report him to uni. Cut him out of your life.

Report to uni and don't tell anyone anything. If he does tell people things he learned tell them how he got the information, report him to uni and cut him out of your life.

SteadyEddi · 28/12/2023 21:32

In your shoes I’d create a WhatsApp group with him and your parents, outlining that brother has committed an extremely serious offence, a data breech by looking at your private details held confidently at college. Explain that he has no entitlement to this information and would be firmly disciplined by the university if found out. He may even lose his job. Add that you would like an explanation as to why he has done something so offensive and explain that you will have no choice but to approach the uni if further breeches of information surface.

Ladyritacircumference · 28/12/2023 21:34

Just tell the uni. They can make their own decision. Obviously the uni can see exactly which files have been accessed on his log in. Poking around in 20 year old files will probably flag up as unusual activity on his account. It will be monitored. May be they are already scrutinising the things he is accessing? If they challenged him about it they would leave you out of it. He has massively breached GDPR regulations and trust. It is gross misconduct.

Ramalangadingdong · 28/12/2023 21:35

Something I find quite worrying is why he told you what he did.

It is one thing to have done it, but then you wouldn't tell another soul would you? Not even the person you'd looked up. You'd be too embarrassed and keep it to yourself. Unless you wanted to get one over on them.

Why do you think he told you, op?

dothehokeycokey · 28/12/2023 21:35

@Hooplahooping

I spy the makings of a manipulative narcissist on your hands here op

Clearly everyone is treading on eggshells as he's set himself up as a victim of his choices in life and wants everyone to think he is the god off the family so any bit of dirt he can grasp on any siblings is clearly going to give him ammo when things aren't going his way.

I would call his bluff.

Send him a text saying you hope he doesn't get spot checked for searching up people as that's against strict rules,not that it bothers you because well let's face it everyone has different situations eh and I'd also ask how uni is going and is he enjoying the social side yet?

But I'm a bit twisted like that where people like your brother are concerned.

I would then go low contact and breeze it off

If he does ever mention it again or if he says anything to your parents who then say anything to you I would text him again laying out how he's not done himself any favours in camp and wants to be careful how he treats people moving forward.

And again low or no contact

Stop buying into the victim mentality of his

Next time your altogether and he makes noises about being hard done by call him out on it so he knows you mean business

SteadyEddi · 28/12/2023 21:35

This way he is warned not to divulge or look at other records and there will be consequences if he does

DojaPhat · 28/12/2023 21:37

As a PP said - your 'record' so to speak doesn't exist in singularity. He may have just been able to see 'Hoopla Hooping - BA English Lit - 2016-2019' or something to that effect. The other info you detail shouldn't be readily available to anyone who happens to have access to student records for one thing or another.

Also, I wouldn't see this as any sort of push to tell your parents if you genuinely don't want to. Thing is, if he tells them you could easily deny it - if pushed to the extent he prints out a paper copy to literally show your parents then you've got quite a legal case on your hands.

All that aside - generally these things don't operate as simply as they appear to have here and if they did as you say your brother accessing your records is the least of the contraventions he's most definitely committed.

thebestinterest · 28/12/2023 21:38

Oh, for sure report that. That’s such a breech. Weird!

EdinGirl · 28/12/2023 21:45

Peppermint81 · 28/12/2023 19:05

No big deal, I would sneak a peek at someone I knew records if opportunity was there. Just out of curiosity- doubt he thought he would uncover anything important .
He unlikely to tell your parents or anyone, just will perhaps understand you better or have more empathy towards you.
Just forget it, not relevant to your current life now and you trying to get your brother fired seems rather extreme in this understandable situation - let him finish his masters and try to do well with his life

It is a HUGE deal and I am shocked that anyone would think it isn't.

It is no different than someone accessing someone's medical files at a doctor's surgery.

Disgusting behaviour.

He deserves to be fired.

Threeboysadogandacat · 28/12/2023 21:45

Very sensible decision op.

Similar happened to a friend of mine in the NHS. Someone she knew well was admitted to the ward next door. During her night shift break she read this patients notes discovering that a mistake had been made during a surgery that may have affected her prognosis and that the medical staff had decided that there was no benefit in telling the patient this as her condition was now terminal.

My friend has felt guilty for the last 20+ because if she’d told either the patient or her husband there may have been some form of compensation as he was left with two very young children. She knew what she did was very wrong even at the time and she knows that it is her own fault that she has this on her conscience.